Are We in a Relationship If We Only Text? 6 Things You Need to Know About Texting Relationships

Co-authored by John Keegan and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: February 3, 2023 References

In this day and age, many people have experienced a texting-only relationship. If you're in a texting-only relationship right now, you may have a lot of questions. Luckily, this article has got you covered! Read on to learn more about what this type of relationship means for you and your dating life.

Question 1 of 8:

What do you call a texting relationship?

A texting-only relationship is usually referred to as a textationship. The term describes a relationship that's based on entirely texting and direct messages. You may bond with this person over text, share intimate details of your life, and even sext. Though your conversations may grow progressively deeper, in a textationship, the relationship doesn't involve meeting up in person.^{[1]
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Question 2 of 8:

Is a texting-only relationship healthy?

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A texting-only relationship is healthy if you’re just looking for a casual connection. Engage in a texting-only relationship for lighthearted conversation and entertainment. If you're not looking for a full-fledged relationship, a texting-only relationship can be a good middle ground.^{[2]
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- Make sure the two of you are on the same page, though. It won't be a healthy or satisfying relationship if one of you wants to date face-to-face and the other doesn't.
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A texting relationship is healthy if you're in a long-distance relationship. Sometimes, you can't meet up in person even if you want to. If you're separated by distance, text your partner frequently to keep up to date with each other's lives and let them know that they're on your mind.
- To make your relationship even stronger, consider adding phone calls and video chats, too. You'll feel closer if you can see their face and hear their voice.
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A texting relationship might not be healthy if you’re looking for a more serious connection. Texting-only relationships don't give you a chance to see if you and the other person have in-person chemistry. You also miss out on things like tone of voice, facial expressions, and the chance to read a person's body language. If you find yourself falling for someone you've been texting a lot, ask if they want to meet. That way you can determine if you're a good match in person.^{[3]
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- If the person doesn't want to meet up or keeps canceling on you, that's a sign that they don't want to move the relationship past texting.

Question 3 of 8:

Can a texting relationship become an in-person relationship?

A texting relationship can become something more if you make plans in person. Ask the person you've been texting if they would like to go out for drinks, coffee, or a walk in the park. If they say yes and you have a good time, make plans to hang out again in the future. It's great to use texting to catch up with them, but prioritize your in-person communication.^{[4]
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- If this person doesn't want to meet in person, the two of you are likely looking for different things. This can be hard to accept, but try your best not to take it personally.
- Sometimes people just aren't in the place to be in a relationship, and it likely has nothing to do with you.

Question 4 of 8:

Can you fall in love over text?

If you only text, you might fall in love with just the idea of the person. Maybe you talk to this person frequently about personal subjects, like your childhood or struggles you've gone through in the past. Though you may learn a lot about each other, neither of you will be as vulnerable as you would have been sharing these things in person. If you're really falling for someone over text, arrange to meet in person to see if you have a connection when you're face-to-face.^{[5]
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- One study published by infographic designers Venngage found that sharing intimate details over text is easier than sharing them in person. Though it may be easier, the study also found that these texting interactions didn't foster as deep a connection as in-person conversations.

Question 5 of 8:

How often should a couple text?

The frequency that a couple texts depends on each of your texting styles. Some couples enjoy texting back and forth throughout the day. Others, though, might prefer catching up after work or on the weekends. Talk to your partner about how often you both like to text to figure out what works for you. If you're in a texting relationship and feel like you're texting too much, talk to the other person about it and see if you can start talking on the phone or through video calls.^{[6]
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- Talking about your texting styles helps you avoid misunderstandings. You may think someone's long response time means they're uninterested, but it could just mean that they're swamped at work.
- It's a red flag if someone is constantly texting you to keep tabs on your whereabouts. This is a sign of controlling behavior.

Question 6 of 8:

Is sexting a red flag in a texting relationship?

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Sexting in a texting relationship might mean that the person is looking for a casual connection. A study conducted by the University of Alberta found that those who frequently sext in a relationship may be less committed to the relationship. If this person only wants to sext when you text each other, that may mean they're interested in a more casual arrangement.^{[7]
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Compulsive sexting or receiving unwanted sexts is a red flag. If someone is always sending you explicit pictures or text messages without your permission, that's not okay. Just like any other type of sex, both people have to consent for things to feel safe and comfortable. Feel no pressure to continue texting this person. If they continue to sext without your consent, consider blocking their number and social media accounts.^{[8]
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Question 7 of 8:

Is texting another person cheating?

Texting another person may be cheating if you're hiding it from your partner. Some people may be completely comfortable with their partner texting a flirty coworker after work, for example, while others may be uncomfortable or hurt. When in doubt, be open with your partner about who you're texting with and ask them how they feel about it if you're not sure. If your partner is texting another person a lot and it bothers you, respectfully broach the subject with them.^{[9]
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- When you talk about texting boundaries with your partner, use I statements to avoid placing blame on your partner. Communicate your words calmly and listen to their point of view to come up with a solution.^{[10]
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- Say something like, "I know you two are just good friends, but I sometimes feel hurt when you text Sharon while we're spending time together."
- Avoid hiding your texting behavior from your partner. You may think you're sparing their feelings, but dishonesty can create a rift in your relationship and really hurt your partner in the long run.

Question 8 of 8:

When should you end a textationship?

Consider moving on if you want an in-person relationship and the other person doesn't. Relationships are built upon shared goals and values. Staying with someone who doesn't want the same things as you won't be healthy for you in the long run. Talk about your feelings with the person you've been texting to see if they would be open to spending time together in person. If they don't want to do this, you may want to end the text relationship and respectfully let them know that you two want different things.^{[11]
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- If you decide to end the relationship, text something like, "I've really enjoyed talking to you, but I think we may want different things. I've decided that I can't pursue this connection further, and I hope you understand."
- You might also consider staying friends and texting each other more sporadically if that arrangement works for you, too.
- It's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with being in a textationship. If you're happy in a texting-only relationship because of your busy schedule and frequent travels, for example, embrace it and keep texting.

Expert Q&A

Question

What can I text to my ex to reconnect?

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.

Suzanna Mathews

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Say something like, "Hey! Just saw that popsicle stand we walked by last summer and thought of you. Hope you're doing well!" If they respond, take the opportunity and see if they want to meet and catch up.