15 Biggest Turn-Offs for Women and How to Avoid Them

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

So, what can you do to turn on a woman? Whether you’re already in a relationship or searching for one, staying away from a woman’s turn-offs can keep you in her good graces. Turn-offs are traits, actions, or behaviors that cause someone to feel bored, disgusted, or even lose sexual interest.^{[1]
X
Research source} In this article, we’ll fill you in on a woman’s biggest turn-offs, what they mean, and how you can avoid them.

Things You Should Know

Be confident without bragging or boasting about yourself to capture a woman’s attention.
Talk less about yourself and actively listen to a woman to strengthen your relationship.
Treat a woman like a queen by respecting her and giving her genuine compliments.

1

Ignoring her.

If you dismiss a woman, she may think you don’t value her. The silent treatment doesn’t always work on women—they usually like talking things out. By ignoring her, she might think you’re saying, “Yeah, I don’t really care about what you’re saying or your feelings” even if you’re not.
- Show her that you do care by actively listening to her. Put your phone down, look into her eyes, and engage in conversation.^{[2]
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2

Being close-minded and judgmental.

Women want a partner they can talk openly and honestly with. Having strong opinions is great, but so is being open to hearing others. If you shut down opinions that aren’t yours or make harsh comments about other people, she may just walk the other way.
- Keep an open mind and have civil conversations instead of being insistent about your own opinion. It’s perfectly okay to be opinionated, but don’t forget to hear other sides.^{[3]
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3

Boasting about yourself.

Bragging about your assets could turn a woman off. Being confident is one thing, but humblebragging is another. Humblebragging is when you casually bring up accomplishments or skills to boast about yourself indirectly. Studies have shown that this type of self-admiration can make people like you less.^{[4]
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- Aim to only bring up your achievements or skills when she asks about them. It’s okay to show off what you’ve got to offer, but tone it down a bit to appear less self-absorbed.

4

Talking over her.

Interrupting a woman while she’s talking is a big no-no. Women usually look for partners who help them feel included and wanted. They deserve respect, and talking over them can be a sign of disrespect.^{[5]
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- When she’s talking to you, nod your head and avoid cutting her off mid-sentence. Wait until she’s done with her story or statement before jumping in.

5

Being insecure.

A woman wants a partner who’s confident in who they are. Low self-esteem could be a major turn-off for many women, especially if they favor strong-willed individuals. She’s looking for someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves and is comfortable in their own skin.^{[6]
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- If you struggle to feel confident, that’s okay! Start small and work your way up. For example, try wearing what you want to wear regardless of what others may think or share an idea at work.

6

Having a negative outlook on life.

Women generally don’t want a “Negative Nelly” in their lives. If you complain a lot about little things or even trash talk your ex, she may turn the other way. She doesn’t have time for negative energy. She needs a partner who looks on the bright side.
- Complaining every once and a while is okay—we all need to vent sometimes—but try looking at the glass as half full rather than half empty to build a positive attitude.

7

Being disrespectful.

Bad manners are a major turn-off for most women. If you’re impolite or rude to her, her friends, or strangers, she may think the relationship isn’t worth pursuing. Disrespecting other people could lead her to think you’re entitled.^{[7]
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- Treat her like a queen—listen to her, be a shoulder to cry on, and respect her.

8

Having an aggressive attitude.

Women don’t want to “walk on eggshells” when they’re around you. Being assertive can be a positive trait, but being combative might be a major turn-off. A woman wants to be able to talk to her partner about anything, and if you’re automatically defensive, having conversations can be difficult.
- Work on controlling your anger if you’re a naturally defensive person. Remember, it’s okay if things don’t go as planned or if someone has a different opinion. Not everyone will always agree with you, and that’s alright.

9

Caring little about your appearance.

Women like men who can take care of themselves. Being well-groomed is a great way to capture a woman’s attention and leave her wanting more. She doesn’t expect you to be perfect, but she is looking for someone who knows how to put themselves together.^{[8]
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- Try dressing up for your date or ironing your shirt to look more polished.
- Wear deodorant, brush your teeth, keep your fingernails short, and shower regularly to keep yourself smelling nice.

10

Being sex obssessed.

If sex is the only thing you’re after, a woman might end the relationship. A major turn-off is not listening to what she wants. Being too pushy or always talking about sex might make her think you value her sexiness over her personality.^{[9]
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- Try following her lead instead of putting your needs first. It’s okay to say what you want, but give her the chance to say “yes” or “no” and honor that.

11

Sending mixed signals.

Women don’t want a partner who plays games. Not knowing what you want in a relationship is okay, but stringing someone along isn’t. If you toy with her emotions and make her think you like her one minute and don’t the next, she may just walk away entirely.
- Tell her exactly how you feel about her. Do you want to pursue a relationship, or would you rather just stay friends? The truth could hurt, but you’ll both benefit from honesty in the long run.

12

Being needy or jealous.

Not giving women independence could be a big turn-off. Most people don’t want a clinging partner, and women are no different! Gluing yourself to her side could make her think you don’t trust her.
- Avoid texting or calling her all the time, and skip questioning her about why and who she hangs out with. Take a deep breath and trust her to combat your jealousy.

13

Lying to her and others.

A woman needs to be able to trust you 100%. How can she trust you if you’re constantly lying about little things? In her mind, if you’re lying about where you went to the store or if you did a specific chore, she may think you’re lying about more significant things, like being loyal.
- Be honest with her whenever you can. Remember, honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to cultivating lasting relationships.

14

Using cheesy pick-up lines.

Some women may not care for old-fashioned one-liners. She’s more than her looks, and commenting just on her appearance or feminine qualities may turn her off. There’s nothing wrong with a compliment that’ll make her blush, but aim to make it more sincere rather than superficial.
- Give her a genuine compliment you wholeheartedly believe.
- For instance, instead of saying, “Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes,” try, “You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. They're beautiful, and so are you.”

15

Asking too many probing questions.

Sometimes, it’s best to leave the hard-hitting questions for later. If you’ve just started seeing her, consider skipping the more personal questions. Asking too many questions about her life right away or even during sex could raise a red flag.
- It’s more than okay to ask about her job, social life, and hobbies, but stick to surface-level questions.
- For example, “What do you do for a living?” is an appropriate question, whereas “You mentioned not getting along with your boss. Did you two ever date?” might be too personal.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are some instant turn-offs for women?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Overeagerness is definitely one! Women don't like guys who try extra hard not to say or do the "wrong thing." Women also dislike men who lack initiative and are unwilling to take risks like setting up a date or suggesting things to do.