A Complete Guide to Bonding with Your Bf’s Mom over Text

A list of thoughtful texts to make your boyfriend's mom your new BFF

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Building a solid relationship with your boyfriend’s mom is almost as important as maintaining a strong relationship with your boyfriend. A great way to strengthen your bond and show her that you’re interested is to text her throughout the week. We’ve compiled some things you can talk to her about to spark fun, lively text conversations. Keep reading to learn what to say, how to say it, and which topics to avoid with your boyfriend’s mom.

Things You Should Know

Be authentic to win her over. Stuffy texts like, "Hello, how are you today?" feel less engaging than something more you, like: "Hey hey! How are ya? 😄"
Craft texts that show off your kind, thoughtful nature. For instance, message her when you see something she'd like and compliment her relationship with her son.
Show that you're interested in who she is as a person by regularly asking her about her passions and upcoming events: "When is your next art showcase? 🎨"

1

Ask about her life.

Show an interest in her life outside of her role as a mother. She's got passions, hobbies, interests, and tons of cool stories to share. If you show her that you want to get to know her for who she is, it'll go a long way. Try to be thoughtful about what she has going on in her life, and if you haven't learned much about her yet, ask her questions to get to know her better.^{[1]
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- Follow up on events you know are happening in her life: “How’d your gardening club go last night? Are your roses doing okay? 🧑🏾‍🌾”
- Make sure she knows that you want to be there when she has a big event: "What day is your showcase? I want to mark it on my calendar ASAP!"
- If you don't know much about her, ask her a thoughtful question: "So you're a bookworm right? I can't believe I don't know this, but who's your fav author? 📖"

2

Text her when something reminds you of her.

Show off your thoughtful side, and you'll make your BF's mom love you. More than anything, your boyfriend's mom probably hopes her son is with someone super caring. Once you get to know her well, be on the lookout for things that align with her interest. Then, when you notice something she'd like, text her! This'll make it totally clear that you're a kind person, which will definitely make her like you even more.^{[2]
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- "Okay, so I know you're a huge B-52s fan...I just saw a poster saying that they're coming to town next month and knew I had to tell you. 🥳"
- "I just saw this new shop opening and thought of you. You're the only person I know who loves ice cream as much as me, so I knew you'd be stoked! 🍦"

3

Ask her for advice.

Make it clear that you value your BF's mom's opinion and experience. Asking someone for advice is a great way to show that you respect them. That's because by asking, you're saying that you really care about her take. Ask her for professional, academic, or lifestyle advice, especially in areas that you know she's already knowledgable about. For instance, try a text like this: ^{[3]
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- "I know you took a gap year after high school and thought it was super valuable...I'm considering the same move. What do you think?"
- "You've had such a cool career so far. I'm just starting to apply to jobs, and I was wondering if there was anything you wished you'd known at my age."
- "Remember last week when you were talking about flattering eye and hair color combinations? I'm looking to dye my locks. Do you have a rec? 💇🏼‍♀️"

4

Compliment her children.

Flatter your boyfriend’s mom to maker her feel good about her kids.^{[4]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} If your boyfriend has any siblings, feel free to include them in the compliments as well! You can also tell her just how good of a job she did raising everyone. Or, you could also let her know that you admire the relationship she has with her son and you support it 100%.^{[5]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} Try something like:^{[6]
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- “You did such a good job raising Henry. He treats me so well. ❤️”
- “I was so impressed when I met Harry’s little sister. She’s an amazing kid!”
- “I was watching you and Cole sing in the car yesterday, and it was seriously sweet. 😊 You two are so close—it's really cute.”

5

Ask about your boyfriend’s childhood.

See if she has any funny stories about your boyfriend growing up.^{[7]
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Erika Kaplan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.} While this is a good in-person conversation topic, it can be fun to hear about these things over text, too. She'll love that you care enough about her son to show an interest in his past. Plus, she'll probably love to reminisce, too! If you aren’t quite sure what to talk to your boyfriend’s mom about, try something like:^{[8]
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- “Was Sam always such a picky eater? All he wants to eat is pizza! 🤷🏽‍♀️”
- “David has some hilarious stories from his childhood. Was he the class clown?”
- “What was Jacob like as a kid? He claims that he was an angel, but I'm sure you have a different perspective. Ha! 🤣”
- “Do you have any embarrassing stories about Mike you could share?”

6

Share a funny story.

Is there something your boyfriend did that you can’t stop laughing about? Text his mom about it! Parents love to hear goofy stories about their kids, and it can be a fun way to bond with her. Just make sure the story is appropriate. Plus, when you lightly (and lovingly!) joke around about him, it'll show her how much you enjoy and care for her son. And that'll make her like you even more. You could text her something like:^{[9]
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- “OMG Chris accidentally called our waiter “mom” today. I can’t stop laughing about it. 😭”
- “Zack just told me the story about you two getting lost in Palermo. I'm dying laughing—the next time I'm over, I have to hear your side of the story!"
- “We saw a woman who looked just like you today! Liam totally almost ran up to her, haha. 😹”

7

Be yourself.

You BF's mom would love to get to know you for exactly who you are. You should feel free to be your fabulous, exciting self—though, you should still avoid cussing and sharing super personal, inappropriate details about your life. His mom should get to know the real you, so there's no need to stick to stuffy, overly formal texts. If you use a lot of "lol" or emojis in text, feel free to include them in your messages with her.^{[10]
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- If you and your boyfriend are in a newer relationship, you might want to check in with him about his mom’s texting and communication style. It could be that she prefers calls or face-to-face chats over text messages.
- Feel free to share things about your own life, too. You can keep his mom updated on what’s going on with you so she gets to know you more.

8

Invite her to your own family events.

Instead of waiting for your boyfriend to reach out, you text her! Since you’re her son’s partner, an invite from you will feel extra special. If you have a family dinner or a holiday party you want to invite her to, send her a quick text with all the details. It will make her feel included, and hanging out in person is a great way to get to know her more. Try something like:^{[11]
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- “Hi Susan! Are you free on Friday? We were thinking of having a little family dinner and we’d love it if you joined us. 🤗”
- “Hey! What are your plans on Christmas Eve? Jeff and I are thinking about hosting a family get-together at our place.”
- “Hi! Do you want to come over for dinner on Saturday? My parents are in town, and it would be fun to get everyone together. 💗”

9

Text her on holidays.

Her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day are all important. While it’s nice to hear from her son, she’ll probably appreciate hearing from you, too! Send her a quick text to let her know you’re thinking about her. Be sure to personalize your message so it seems really special. On Mother's Day especially, it's a great time to let her know that you're grateful she raised such an awesome son. Try something like:^{[12]
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- “Happy Birthday, Debra! 🍰 I hope your day is as special as you are. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”
- “Merry Christmas! Jake and I can’t wait to come and visit soon. Here’s a photo of us in our Christmas PJs!”
- “Happy Mother's Day, Jane. I know how special you are to Thomas, and I'm thankful every day that you raised such an incredible man. 😇"

10

See if she needs help planning for family events.

Show her that you're a caring, thoughtful person—and you're there for her. You could offer to pick up food, help set up, or buy fun decorations. She might not accept your offer, but it’s always nice to reach out. If she has any little kids, you might also offer to babysit. Try something like:^{[13]
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- “Do you need us to pick anything up for the party on Friday? I could hit the grocery store before we come over. 🍎”
- “I have an extra folding table I could drop off if you need it!”
- “Are you busy today? Do you need me to watch the kids? 🤠”

11

Text her about her plans to visit.

If his mom lives far away, see when she’s coming over next. Your boyfriend can reach out to her, but it will be much more meaningful if you send her a text about her plans. Plus, this will show her that you want to see her, and that even without plans on the calendar, you're eager to hang out again. See where she’s staying, if she wants to stay with you, and how long she plans on visiting for.^{[14]
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- “Hey! Heard you were coming to visit next month. Do you have an idea of how long you’ll be staying for? We're looking forward to it! 😌”
- “Hey Krista! I’m excited to see you next week! Are you still planning on staying with us?”
- “I was thinking, it's been way too long since we've seen you. You've got to swing by for another visit, Robin! 💕"

12

Avoid texts about politics and religion.

If you wouldn't talk about it in person, don’t bring it up over text. Topics like these tend to be very divisive, and they can cause arguments in the blink of an eye. Don’t message your boyfriend’s mom about anything you two disagree on, especially if you know she feels strongly about it. If she tries to bring it up, it’s totally okay to ignore the message.^{[15]
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- You should also try not to talk badly about your boyfriend to his mom. Although it can feel nice to vent to someone, revealing details about your relationship can hurt you both in the long run. Instead, find a trusted friend or family member, and speak to them about the issue.