How to Tell if an Older Guy Likes You

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan

Last Updated: September 26, 2022 References

Is that cute older guy flirting with you or just being friendly? You might have experience figuring out if guys your own age are into you, but how can you tell when there’s an age gap? When it comes to older guys, there are a few key flirting differences we’ll teach you to help you figure it all out. Read on to see if this sounds like your guy—and to see if he’s interested in you!

1

He opens up to you.

How often does he talk about his thoughts and feelings? As men get older, they really prioritize openness and trust in relationships over superficial qualities like appearance.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
PLOS ONE
Online peer-reviewed, open access scientific research journal
Go to source} Show him you’re interested by actively listening to what he shares in order to develop that trust and get closer to him. If you feel comfortable, feel free to talk about your own life experiences, feelings, and views, too!^{[2]
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Expert Source

LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.}
- Ask him open-ended questions to get to know him better.
- Encourage him to go on by saying, “Tell me more?”
- If he shares anything that makes you uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to set a boundary and say: “I’m not super comfortable with this conversation. Could you ask me before you talk about things like that?”^{[3]
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  Erika Kaplan
  Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.}
- Long-term relationships are based on shared values and ideals, so feel free to share and to listen.^{[4]
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  Erika Kaplan
  Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.}

2

He shows genuine interest in your life.

Pay attention when he asks you deep questions. Older guys—especially men who are serious about long-term relationships—are interested in forming deep emotional bonds. They really want to get to know who you are.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
PLOS ONE
Online peer-reviewed, open access scientific research journal
Go to source} Feel free to be yourself when you answer, so you can show him how amazing you are.^{[6]
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Expert Source

LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.} Here are some examples of genuine questions you might hear: ^{[7]
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Greater Good in Action
An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life
Go to source}
- “What do you value most in relationships?”
- “How close are you to your family?”
- “What’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing?”

3

He makes an effort to spend time with you.

How often does he ask you to hang out? Does he show up at your favorite places, hoping to run into you? While younger guys might play games with their interest, ghost you, or flake on dates, older guys usually want to spend quality time with you. If he’s consistently asking you to hang out, chances are, he’s into you and really values you!^{[8]
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Expert Source

LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.}
- Studies show that as people get older, they pour their energy into their most positive relationships and let go of relationships that aren’t meaningful to them.^{[9]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}
- At the same time, good guys (no matter their age) know how to be respectful and give you space. If he doesn’t want you to hang out with others or he follows you everywhere, that’s a red flag.^{[10]
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4

He tries to help you out, however he can.

Does he offer to help you whenever you talk to him about a problem? Whether it’s a small issue at work, school, or in your life, a guy who’s interested will likely want to help out. His desire to help means that he cares about you—and it shows he’s probably a good guy. Older guys often want to prove they can protect you and provide for you (even if you’re a strong, independent person).^{[11]
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Research source} Ask yourself these questions:
- “How does he react when I bring up a problem?”
- “Has he ever offered to help me out, even if it was inconvenient for him?”
- “Does he help everyone out, or does he only ever offer to help me?”

5

He brags about what he has to offer.

Look out for moments when he talks about his success. He might be trying to show off when he talks about his education, career, and skills. Older guys like demonstrating that they can provide for you to convince you they’re a good choice for a partner.^{[12]
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Research source} After all, they’ve had a little more time to get their education, finances, and career set up.^{[13]
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Research source} Check out these examples of things he might brag about:
- Fancy vacations he’s taken.
- Expensive purchases he’s made.
- Accomplishments or responsibilities at work.
- Positive things other people have said about him.

6

He texts you to check in with you.

Does he text you more than once a day? We’re not just talking about the occasional “how are you?” text. Instead, look out for “good morning” or “goodnight” texts that ask about how your day’s going, what you’re thinking about, and more. Here are some other texting signs he’s into you:^{[14]
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- He responds quickly to your messages because you’re a priority.
- He double texts you to try and engage you.
- He asks you questions in his texts and sends longer messages.
- He respects when you’re busy and doesn’t panic if you don’t respond.

7

He asks about your relationship status.

Has he tried to figure out whether or not you’re single? He might follow you on social media or directly ask if you’re in a relationship. Either way, it’s a good sign he’s interested in you and wants to make sure you’re available. Here are some ways he might check into your relationship status:
- He asks your friends or coworkers if you’re single.
- He casually brings up that he’s single: “Now that I’m single, I haven’t gotten to check out as many restaurants.”
- He asks about a male friend of yours: “Are you and Caleb together?”

8

He compliments you.

Can you name a time he said something nice to you? There’s often a stereotype that older guys will favor genuine compliments. However, it really depends on his flirting style. His compliments might range from funny and sarcastic to deeply sincere. Just keep an eye out for anything he says about you that makes you smile.^{[15]
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9

He mirrors your body language.

Watch his body positioning when you spend time with him. A guy who’s interested might shift his posture and body language to copy yours. For instance, he might cross his arms if you cross your arms.^{[16]
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Research source} Next time you see him, try this to check:
- Lean in slightly towards him across a table, or angle your body squarely towards him while you’re standing.^{[17]
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- Check to see if his posture or position shifts.
- If he’s into you, he might even stand up straighter or try to take up more space with his body.^{[18]
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10

He touches you in a flirty way.

Does he try to softly touch your face, shoulder, waist, or forearm? Those are the most common places for flirty touches, and that kind of touch is a good signal that he's attracted to you. Hugs are also a good sign he’s interested!^{[19]
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- If he touches you inappropriately or makes you uncomfortable, ask him to stop: “Please don’t do that.” or “Please don’t touch me without asking first.”

11

He flirts through eye contact.

Does he gaze into your eyes and look away? Brief glances are a tried-and-true method for flirting, regardless of age. When he looks at you like that, he’s likely showing interest, but feeling a little shy. In fact, looking into someone else’s eyes can even boost those feelings of attraction.^{[20]
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- He might catch your eye from across the room or crowd.
- If he’s talking to you directly, he might maintain good eye contact to give you his full attention.

12

He can’t stop smiling when you’re around.

Do you see him light up when you walk in the room? While a short, polite smile might be a friendly greeting, pay attention to how often he smiles when you’re around. If you two are smiling and laughing together a lot, that’s a fantastic sign you’ve got more than just a friendship.^{[21]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Can older men love younger women?

LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
LeTisha Underwood is a Certified Professional Matchmaker and the CEO of Two Hearts Exclusive Matchmaking Services. With more than five years of experience, she specializes in helping marriage-minded people find their life partners. LeTisha holds a Matchmaker Certification from The Global Love Institute.

LeTisha Underwood

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Absolutely! Just keep in mind that older men aren't into playing games, and are more likely to express their interest in a straightforward way.
Question

How do you get an older man to be attracted to you?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Show them that you're mature. Make sure you demonstrate that you're an independent and confident woman that is comfortable in the situations and social circles he might surround himself in.
Question

How do you maintain a relationship with a mature man?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Ultimately, it's going to come down to figuring out what your shared values are. Dating is so nuanced at times that it may be hard to find common ground when it comes to cultural references, hobbies, etc. Make sure you both have things in common so the relationship can grow.