11 Ways to Tell if a Girl Wants to Hold Hands

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 21, 2022 References

Holding hands with a girl is a great way to show that you like her and you’re having a good time. Making the move to grab her hand for the first time can be a little nerve wracking, especially if you aren’t quite sure she wants to hold your hand. We’ve compiled a list of signs you can look out for to tell whether or not the girl you’re with wants to hold hands so you know exactly what to do the next time you two hang out.

1

She puts her hand close to yours.

Maybe you two are sitting down and she rests her hand near yours. If it’s almost touching (but not quite), that’s a pretty good sign that she wants you to grab her hand.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} You can test the waters by gently nudging or touching her hand with yours—if she doesn’t move her hand away, she probably wants you to hold it.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- She might also place her hand next to yours if you two are sitting at a table or on a bench.

2

She brushes her hand against yours.

If you feel her hand brush yours, she probably wants you to grab it. Maybe you two are walking around and she keeps stepping in closer so she touches your hand. If that’s the case, you can reach out and grasp her hand in yours to see how she feels.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} If she truly wants to hold your hand, then she’ll be happy you made the first move.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If you aren’t quite sure, try brushing your hand against hers. If she doesn’t pull away, she probably wants to hold hands.

3

She touches you on the arm or the shoulder.

Breaking the touch barrier is a very good sign. If you two are chatting and she keeps patting you on the shoulder or touching your arm, it means she’s okay with physical affection. Later on, you can try taking her hand or patting her on the arm to reciprocate the physical touch.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Breaking the touch barrier is also a big sign that she’s flirting with you, so it’s good news all around!^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

4

She holds onto your arm.

A girl might grab your arm to hold onto while you’re walking. Since this is pretty close to holding your hand already, she’s probably okay with grabbing hands in just a bit. If you’d like to hold her hand, simply slide her hand down into yours and grasp it as you keep walking.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- This is another way of breaking the touch barrier, but it’s a little more of a bold move.

5

She doesn’t flinch when you brush your hand against hers.

Even if it was an accident, she probably won’t take her hand away. If you two are walking around and you accidentally touch hands, she’ll probably step in even closer. Or, if you two are sitting and chatting and you accidentally rest your hand on hers, she’ll probably smile or even blush.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- If she quickly moves her hand away after you touch it, it might mean she’s not ready to hold hands yet, which is fine. Just give her some time.^{[9]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Mark Rosenfeld
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

6

She lingers during a high-five.

She might be testing the waters to see if you want to hold hands. If you two are celebrating something and you go in for a high-five, she might hang onto your hand for a few more seconds than is necessary. After that, you know that she might want to hold hands at some point.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If she’s really bold, she might even just hang onto your hand after a high-five so you two are holding hands now.

7

She leads you somewhere by the hand.

This is an indirect way of holding your hand. If a girl grabs you and pulls you along to show you something really cool, it means she wants to hold hands with you. Whenever you get to your destination, simply keep holding her hand to show her that you like her.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- She might say something like, “Whoa, did you see that? Let me show you!” before she grabs your hand.

8

She flirts with you.

Flirting is a good sign that she’s okay with holding hands later. When a girl flirts with you, she might give you compliments, laugh a little too hard at your jokes, or make a lot of eye contact with you.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} She’ll probably also lean in close or step in a little further than is usually comfortable for most people.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Flirting isn’t a surefire sign that someone wants to hold hands yet, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

9

She smiles at you a lot.

She might make eye contact and hold your gaze, too. When a girl smiles at you, it means she’s having fun hanging out with you. While it’s not a surefire sign that she wants to hold your hand, it’s definitely a sign that she likes you or she’s developing feelings for you.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- She might even catch your gaze from across the room or give you a sideways glance and a smile.

10

She talks in a sing-song voice.

A wavering voice usually means someone is into you. While she might not even realize she’s doing it, women who are interested in you will often talk in a more sing-song nature. If you notice her voice going up and down during the conversation, she’s probably open to holding hands with you.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- The opposite is true for men: if a man is interested in you, his voice will drop down lower.

11

She mirrors your body language.

If you lean in, she might lean in, too. If you cross your legs, she’ll probably cross hers, too. People do this unconsciously when they’re interested in someone, because our brains tell us it will make them like us more. If you notice that every move you make is being repeated by her, there’s a good chance she wants to hold your hand later.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- She might also mirror your posture or try to walk in time with your steps.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I get my lesbian girlfriend to hold hands with me when I'm nervous?

Nico

Top Answerer

If she's your girlfriend, she would probably like to hold your hand. You can just ask whether she wants to hold your hand if you aren't sure. You might ask, "Can I hold your hand?"