How to Tell if a Girl Is Dating Multiple Guys

Co-authored by Lauren Sanders and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 21, 2022 References

Are you in that strange phase with a girl where you’re not quite exclusive, but you’re not quite casual? These types of relationships can be complicated, and they get even more complicated when you think she’s still dating other people. Fortunately, there are some red flags you can keep an eye out for. In this article, we’ll tell you the signs to watch out for when you think your date is dating multiple guys (and how you can talk to her about it).

1

You two don’t hang out very often.

She might be dedicating her time to other people. It’s totally fine if you two don’t hang out every day, but if you can go weeks without seeing each other, that’s a red flag. Unfortunately, it could mean that she’s spending her free time dating other people, and she schedules in her hang times with you afterward.^{[1]
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- When you first start seeing someone (even casually), you usually go out with them about once a week or so. It’s totally fine if you two see each other a little less than that, but it might be something to think about.

2

It’s tough to get her to commit to plans.

She may be keeping her schedule free in case something else comes up. If you try to make plans in the future with her and she says, “Maybe,” or, “We’ll see,” it could mean that she’s seeing other people. Someone who really wanted to go out with you would be happy to make plans with you, even if they were a few weeks in advance.^{[2]
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- Never making plans could mean that she’s seeing other people, but unfortunately, it could also mean that she doesn’t want a committed relationship with you (regardless of the fact that she’s seeing other people or not). Either way, you might want to talk with her about it, just so you’re both on the same page.

3

She never answers your phone calls.

Your date might be sending you to voicemail while she’s out with another guy. If you call her up to see what she’s doing and you can’t ever get ahold of her, that's a red flag. Not only might she be with someone else right then, but it might also mean that she doesn’t really want to pick up the phone and talk to you.^{[3]
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- The same thing goes if you call her and she responds with a text. A text is much more noncommittal, and it doesn’t take as much effort as a phone call does.

4

She doesn’t introduce you as her partner.

She could be trying to downplay your relationship. When you two are out and you meet someone, does she call you her close friend? If that’s the case, it’s probably because she’s not ready to commit to you yet. Unfortunately, this could also mean that she’s seeing other people alongside you.^{[4]
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- However, this could also mean that you two haven’t defined the relationship yet. If you want to be her partner, it’s worth bringing it up with her!

5

You haven’t met her friends.

Meeting the people she’s close to shows that you two are more serious. If you haven’t been invited out to any group hangs or to meet her loved ones, it could mean that she’s keeping you at a distance. Unfortunately, she might not be introducing you to her friends because she knows that you won’t be around long-term.^{[5]
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- This is especially true if she’s already met a few of your friends or people that you’re close to.

6

She brings up her ex a lot.

Bringing up an ex probably means she’s not over them. And when someone’s still in love with their ex, they’re probably not ready to commit to a monogamous relationship just yet. Talking about previous partners doesn’t automatically mean she’s out seeing other people, but it’s definitely something that should set off alarm bells.^{[6]
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- It’s okay to bring up your ex every now and then, but if you two can’t go a full day without talking about past partners, that’s not a good sign.

7

Her phone is constantly blowing up.

Tons of texts or DMs could mean that she’s seeing other people. If you notice that her notifications are going off but she seems reluctant to check them in front of you, it could be because they’re her other dates. She might also seem jumpy or nervous if you ask to use her phone, even if it’s for something simple (like playing music or looking something up).^{[7]
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- Your date doesn’t ever have to give you full access to their phone (since that invades their privacy). However, even in casual relationships, you should be able to glance at your partner’s phone or change the music without them making a fuss.

8

She doesn’t post about you on social media.

She might be hiding you online to get more dates. If you two follow each other on Instagram or Facebook, check to see if she’s made any posts about you at all. If there aren’t any, she might be dating other people behind your back.^{[8]
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- Not everyone posts a lot on social media, which is totally fine. However, if she makes posts pretty often and you aren’t in them, there might be a reason why.

9

She doesn’t ask you to stay the night.

In committed relationships, it’s usually okay for one person to sleep over. If you have a nice time together and it’s getting late, she might hurry you out the door, even if you live far away. This is a red flag because it could mean that she’s not super serious about your relationship.^{[9]
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- On the flip side, some people just don’t like their dates sleeping over when they have stuff to do in the morning (like work or school). If she’s just super busy, this might not be a bad sign.

10

You’re fighting more often than usual.

She may be comparing you to the other guys she’s seeing. If you notice that you two are fighting over little stuff, like leaving the toilet seat up or being 15 minutes late to dinner, that could be a bad sign. When you’re dating multiple people, you automatically compare and contrast them. And if you’re not living up to her expectations, she might start getting irritated.^{[10]
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- She could also be picking fights about little things in the hopes that you’ll get mad enough to break it off with her.

11

She wants to slow your relationship down.

If she’s unwilling to commit, she might be dating multiple people. Maybe you two have chatted before about being exclusive, but she didn’t want that. Or, maybe she’s told you that she wants to take things slow, but you didn’t think they’d be this slow. Either way, if things are moving too fast for her, there’s a chance she’s still dating other people.^{[11]
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- On the other hand, some people like to take relationships slow so they feel totally comfortable with the other person before committing to them. If that’s the case for her, then this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

12

You haven’t defined the relationship yet.

When you aren’t exclusive, technically you’re allowed to see other people. If you two haven’t had the “What are we?” talk yet, then your date is well within her rights to see other guys. However, if you’d like that to change, sit down with her and chat about the state of your relationship and how serious you’d like to be in the future.^{[12]
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- Bring it up by saying something like, “Hey, I know we haven’t really talked about this yet, but could we chat about what we’re doing here? I really like you, and I hope you feel the same.”