How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Faking

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and Kira Jan

Last Updated: August 6, 2022 References

How can you tell if your girlfriend is faking an orgasm? It's actually not uncommon for women to fake the “Big O.” In fact, 67% of heterosexual women have faked an orgasm at one point or another—though that doesn't necessarily reflect your performance or how she feels about you.^{[1]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source} Still, a fake orgasm can leave you wondering “Am I actually good in bed?” and “What should I be doing differently?” To answer those questions and more, we'll walk you through 11 telltale signs she’s faking it. We've even put together science-backed tips to help you make your girlfriend orgasm for real.

1

She climaxes at the same time as you.

Women usually take longer to orgasm than guys. The average woman needs about 20 minutes to get turned on before she can climax.^{[2]
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Research source} In contrast, men tend to ejaculate after about 5-7 minutes of stimulation.^{[3]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} As a result, if your girlfriend starts to orgasm as soon as you do, she’s probably acting. The great news is, by giving her more time to warm up, you can help maximize her pleasure.
- Try this: Slow things down during foreplay. Give your girlfriend a massage and focus on erogenous zones like her breasts, inner thighs, and neck.^{[4]
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  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source} Along the way, dial up the heat with deep, passionate kissing.^{[5]
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2

She seems like she’s putting on a show.

If the sounds and faces she’s making seem over the top, she might be acting. It’s true some women are naturally more vocal than others. Trust your gut here—if her reactions just don’t seem genuine and sound identical no matter what you try, she’s probably faking. Statistically, women care more about their partner’s pleasure than their own.^{[6]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} So, to make you feel good, she might try to act like she’s enjoying herself or copy women she’s seen in porn.^{[7]
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- Try this: Make sure she knows you care about her pleasure. Ask for feedback during sex (we promise it’s so much sexier than it sounds). Use an open-ended question like, “How do you want me to touch you?”^{[8]
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3

She’s able to form coherent sentences.

Orgasms can make you go into a trance-like state. When you orgasm, your brain gets flooded with hormones and sent into sensory overload. For some women, that means it might get pretty hard to engage in elaborate dirty talk.^{[9]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} If she’s only able to get out a phrase or two, she’s likely experiencing the real deal. If she’s able to give you multiple sentences with detailed descriptions of what she wants and how she’s feeling, she’s probably not orgasming at that moment.
- Try this: Double check that you’re not putting pressure on her to orgasm. Hold off on asking her questions like “Did you come?” or “Are you close?” Instead, ask, “What do you want to try?” or “What feels good to you?”^{[10]
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4

She’s breathing evenly.

If she’s having a real orgasm, she’ll start breathing raggedly. Just like you, when your girlfriend orgasms, her heart rate and breathing get fast, hot, and heavy.^{[11]
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Research source} Keep in mind most women actually can’t orgasm from penetrative (penis in vagina) sex. In fact, only 18.4% of women can come from intercourse alone; almost 3/4ths of women need or want clitoral stimulation.^{[12]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Try this: Make oral sex a regular part of your between-the-sheets routine. Stimulating their clitoris with your mouth and tongue can make your partner significantly more likely to orgasm.^{[13]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}

5

Her skin doesn’t look flushed.

An orgasm makes blood vessels dilate, so her skin might look splotchy and red. Pay special attention to her neck and chest, which is where the flushing will show up. Along with the flushing, your girlfriend might start to get a little sweaty. About 1/3rd of women start to sweat around their back, thighs, and chest during an orgasm.^{[14]
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- Try this: Add manual sex to your repertoire and focus on stroking her clitoris. You can try stroking slightly to the left or right side of the clitoris—most women are more sensitive on one side or the other.^{[15]
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6

Her pupils aren’t dilated.

When a woman’s turned on, the black part of her eyes will look bigger. Granted, it might be hard to see this phenomenon depending on the light and where you’re positioned.^{[16]
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Research source} If you can’t see her pupils, just look at the general state of her eyes. The trance-like state of an orgasm might mean she won’t have a laser-focused gaze. Some people also naturally close their eyes as they approach orgasm.^{[17]
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- Try this: Experiment with making eye contact a goal during sex. Eye contact releases bonding hormones that’ll bring you two closer together. For the majority of women, their mental state and emotions are a huge part of arousal.^{[18]
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7

Her body feels loose and relaxed before she “comes.”

As she’s reaching an orgasm, the muscles in her body will tighten up. Think of an orgasm like a big build-up (the fancy scientific term is “plateau”) and release. If she looks and sounds like she’s about to come, but her body is totally slack, she might not actually be feeling it.^{[19]
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Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source} However, after a real orgasm, her muscles will relax.
- Try this: If you’re engaging in penetrative sex, let her go on top. When she’s in the “cowgirl” position, she’s able to better control the angle, depth, and rhythm of penetration.^{[20]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}

8

You’re changing things up as she’s orgasming.

Women typically need to get “in the zone” to orgasm. That means most women need repeated stimulation in a specific position. Guys, on the other hand, reach a “point of no return” where they’re guaranteed to orgasm even if stimulation stops. When you’re with your girlfriend, try not to change up rhythm or position too drastically unless she asks. It could make her “lose” the orgasm.^{[21]
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- Try this: Whether you’re engaging in penetration, oral sex, or manual stimulation, ask her to help you find the pressure and rhythm she likes. Then, stick with it and don’t change it up unless she asks you to.
- You could also try steadily ramping up the pressure, which some women love.^{[22]
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9

You can’t feel her muscles pulsing.

The female orgasm creates little contractions that you might be able to feel. When your girlfriend comes for real, the muscles in her vagina, abdomen, and anal sphincter spasm.^{[23]
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Research source} These movements are involuntary, so they’re not something she can convincingly fake.
- Try this: Bring toys into the bedroom. For some women, it’s just harder to orgasm because of their anatomy—not necessarily what you’re doing. Adding in a toy like a vibrator can spice up your sex life and help you out.^{[24]
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10

She hesitates when you ask her how it was.

Your girlfriend might feel pressured to make you feel like you’re “good” in bed. If she tells you it felt “great” and gives a forced smile, she might be faking. But let’s take a step back here. Focusing on orgasming as the end-all goal of sex puts a ton of pressure on both of you! Women often report caring more about connection and intimacy than their partner’s sexual prowess. So don’t sweat it if she asks you to change up your technique.^{[25]
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- Try this: Experiment with new positions and different types of stimulation. Women can experience different kinds of pleasure and orgasms (clitoral, vaginal, and “blended”).
- Instead of asking, “Did that feel good?” try asking, “What do you want to try next time?”

11

She comes every time.

It’s normal for women not to experience an orgasm during sex. Despite what popular media and porn portray, one study found 91% of heterosexual men reported regularly orgasming during sex while only 39% of heterosexual women reported the same.^{[26]
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Research source} Factors like stress, self-consciousness, her anatomy, and a sexual partner’s technique can all play a role in this “Orgasm Gap.” Fortunately, the more you talk about sex, the better sex you’ll have!^{[27]
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- Try this: Start an open conversation about your sex life. Ask her what she likes and doesn’t like. Talk about any fantasies or different ways to experiment that might get her excited.^{[28]
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