How to Talk to a Girl if You Have a Stutter

Last Updated: September 19, 2022

Everybody stutters sometimes. If you are nervous around other people, particularly around a girl you like, stuttering out of nervousness is completely natural. But if you have a persistent stammer (like King George VI from The King's Speech), it can be a challenge to talk to anybody, especially your crush. If you want to know more about how to talk to a cute girl without stuttering or stammering, we’ve got you covered with some tips and tricks.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Learning Not to Struggle

1
Let her know you like her. If you’re so stressed about the possibility of stuttering, the girl you’re talking to might never know that you like her. Smile at her, and look her in the eyes. Making eye contact with a girl lets her know you want to know her better, or just straight up tell her you like her.
- Lean in closer to her when she’s talking. This will reassure her that you’re interested in what she has to say.
- Tilt your head towards her. Look down every now and then, so that you can look back up at her face. Try not to look around the room, or over her head, as this will make it seem you’re more interested in finding someone better to talk to.
2
Introduce yourself, or say hello. If you already know each other from school or work, you won’t have to introduce yourself like you would someone you’ve never met. Be confident and casual in your language, using words that don’t tend to cause stuttering problems. However, if you should stutter when saying your name or greeting her, don’t panic. Instead, move slowly through the word, taking all the time you need.^{[1]
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- Keep your words simple, relying on your body language to do most of the communication. Say something like, “Hi, I’m Joe. What’s your name?”
- When she tells you her name, smile and repeat it. Even if her name starts with a letter that’s difficult for you to say, such as a P or a D, you can turn it to your advantage. After all, this is a good way to confidently introduce your stutter.
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3
Don’t avoid certain words. Most stutterers are aware of certain sounds or words that are more likely to be blocked by a stutter. If you’re trying to talk to a girl, talk at your normal rate of speed. When you feel yourself like to stutter on a particular word, slow down. If the word doesn’t come, allow yourself to stutter gently and slowly.^{[2]
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- You’ll want to keep your lips, tongue and jaw moving gently, maintaining a sense of relaxation in your brain. Take all the time you need to get the word out.
- The most important thing is not to panic. She’s not likely to mind your stutter if you don’t.
4
Pause between words. Some speech therapists recommend that a stutterer pause briefly after the first word of a sentence, and then again every 2-5 words. This might sound unnatural, but the girl you’re talking to isn’t likely to notice if you’re confident about what you’re doing.
- Pausing happens naturally during speech anyway. For example, “This...is maybe the most...boring...class party ever.”
- You can use eye contact along with your pauses, and finish the statement with a smile.
5
Ask her questions. You could ask questions about the situation you’re in together. For example, “What the name of that song that’s playing?” Or “What’s up with these snacks?” You can ask questions about her interests, such as, “I like your tee-shirt. Have you heard that band in concert?”^{[3]
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- You can ask more open-ended questions after an initial introduction, such as “What do you do for fun on the weekend?”
- The more open-ended your question, the broader her response might be.
6
Tell her about your stuttering. Be honest and forthright. If you’re dreading stuttering in front of her, you’re more likely to get stuck in a stutter. You can talk about when you first began to stutter, and how it feels to stutter. You might want to tell her some of the interesting aspects of stuttering, such as the fact that about 1 in 100 people worldwide have a stutter; this fact remains the same regardless of culture.^{[4]
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- There are a lot of famous people who had persistent stammers into adulthood, including Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton, and Winston Churchill.
- There is not a cure for stuttering, but over the years many entertaining treatments have been devised, including having people talk to the beat of a metronome or to draw an 8 with their finger as they talked. One famous “cure” had people eating carrots while they talked!
7
Make a statement about her. Making an observation about her might spark a conversation between you. You could use this opportunity to pay her a compliment, or to bring up a shared interest.^{[5]
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- The hazards of paying a girl a compliment are that she might become flustered and not know what to say in response. Be prepared with follow-up question in case this happens.
- For example, you might offer the statement, “You seem like you’re in a good mood today.” If she doesn’t respond, follow it up with an open-ended question, such as, “What did you think of that last song?”
8
Build your self-confidence. If you remember that your stutter doesn’t define who you are, you’re more likely to be able to bring a sense of self-confidence into a conversation with a girl. Try to remember that everybody has feelings of inadequacy at times, no matter how confident they may appear in public.^{[6]
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- Try identifying with others, rather than comparing yourself with them. After all, you can only see what they appear like on the outside - inside, they may be struggling with insecurities that you can’t see.
- Feelings of self-consciousness interfere with your ability to engage confidently with a girl.
Don't get discouraged if a date doesn't go well. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "If you have a stutter or another speech impediment, the best way to build confidence about dating is just to keep putting yourself out there. You may have to go through more people to find somebody who's patient, loving, and kind, but there's definitely someone like that out there. Just remember that people's reactions aren't really about you; they're about their own discomfort, immaturity, or insecurities about themselves."

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Reducing Your Fear of Stuttering

1
Practice voluntary stuttering. If you react to your own stuttering with fear and panic, it will be difficult for you to talk to girls. One way to get over your fear is to intentionally practice stuttering with people you feel comfortable around, such as your parents or a close friend. This is called “voluntary stuttering” or desensitization. Voluntarily stuttering gives you the sense that you’re in control of your stuttering.^{[7]
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- Talk to a close friend or relative for about 5 minutes, and stutter on purpose at least 5 times in a clearly noticeable way. Stutter in the very first part of the conversation to put your stuttering in the open right away.
- Go to a fast-food restaurant or store, and intentionally stutter when asking a question or giving your food order.
- The goal with these exercises is to practice feeling confident through a stutter. This won’t eliminate your stammer, but it will help save you from feeling terrible about stuttering when you’re talking to a girl you want to impress.
2
Practice stutter modification. One of the challenges of stuttering is that you’re likely to feel confused, embarrassed, and unable to think when a stutter comes up. One way out of this is to stretch out the initial sound of a word (where the stutter usually occurs), allowing you to pull through the stutter to the rest of the word.^{[8]
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- For example, in the word “soda,” intentionally linger on the s-sound, and gently pull through to the o, as “s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-oda.”
- Repeat this practice with your parents, or a trusted friend, intentionally slowing down the consonants at the beginnings of words. For example, ”Wwwould yyyyou like to go out for ddddinner tonight?"
- Try challenging yourself by intentionally stuttering on words or consonants that tend to be difficult for you to say without stuttering.
3
Improve your listening skills. If you’re so intent on getting through your own speech without stuttering, chances are you’ll miss out on what a girl has to say. She’ll notice this, and assume that you’re not interested in her - which might be far from the case! By learning to pay close attention to what she’s saying, you’ll be a better conversational partner.^{[9]
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- One way to put aside your self-consciousness about speaking is to intentionally stutter right away in a conversation. Then you won’t have to worry about when it might crop up.
- Once you’ve stuttered, notice her response. Did her way of interacting with you change once you stuttered? Or did she seem not to mind?
4
Find a support group. Other stutterers will understand the difficulties of talking to girls when you have a stutter. Support groups can offer self-motivation, and are a good way to learn and practice new skills.^{[10]
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- The National Stuttering Association (NSA) offers groups specifically for teenage stutters, as well as groups for children, and groups for adult stutterers.
- Sometimes attending a support group is the first time a stutterer meets others who share their problems.
- Groups are often open to parents, friends, and families of people who stutter, as well as professionals who want to learn more about stuttering.