How to Take a Girl Home on the First Date

Last Updated: February 16, 2023 References

First dates are often the cause of both excitement and anxiety whether you’re inexperienced or a seasoned veteran of the dating world. At the end of a successful date, you may feel embarrassed to accompany her home or ask her to come back to your place. By taking this risk, however, you may find and opportunity to grow your relationship. To take a girl home on the first date, choose a nearby location and activity, engage her in conversation, and show her that there's no pressure on her to continue the date.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting up for Success

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Decide on a nearby location. The ideal location for your date will be a public space close to either her residence or yours. A familiar setting will help your date feel more comfortable around you. In addition, such a location makes home an accessible destination.^{[1]
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- Be proactive in selecting the location. She’ll appreciate not having to do all the work.
- Inform her of what you’ll do during the date before you meet her.
- If you want her input, you could give her options by saying something like "What do you think of going to Zeera's for lunch, or would you prefer to walk in the park instead?"^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
2
Choose a fun activity. Dinner and a movie does work, but it’s better to choose a cheap, fun activity such as taking a walk, cooking together, going bowling, or going to karaoke. An energetic activity removes the pressure to talk for several hours, helps her associate the date with positive emotions and memories, and creates acceptable physical contact.^{[3]
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- If you do go out for drinks or dinner, try not to make it seem like an interview. Sit next to her instead of across from her.
- Choose a situation that will enable you to be your best dating self. For example, if you don't drink and are often tired after the workday, saying "Let's meet up for a drink on Thursday night" might not be the best option.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
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3
Share yourself. Good conversation is necessary in any date. Take time when you can to show who you are. Try to forget to think about how well the date is going or how to sell yourself as a partner. Instead, speak to her as you would a friend. Build a connection by sharing your life, your interests, and your goals with enthusiasm.^{[5]
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- One strategy is to reveal an appropriate vulnerability in an amusing way, such as discussing a funny but impactful story from childhood, something you don’t do well now, or a fear you have.
4
Listen to her. Obviously, you need to offer her the opportunity to feel accepted and excited by you too. Start off with general questions like where she’s from or what she studied in school. Progress into more personal or unusual questions, such as what music she likes, her ambitions, or what she’d do if she won the lottery.^{[6]
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- Listen to her answers without judgment. Don't ridicule, no matter what you think.
- Refrain from scrolling through your phone, texting others, and taking calls unless they're absolutely urgent. Show that you're fully focused and paying attention to her answers.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Gauging Her Interest

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Monitor how well the date is going. Of course, you are more likely to continue a date at home if the girl is having fun. She’ll laugh when you build a rapport through activities and sharing your sense of humor. The atmosphere won’t feel tense; instead of her looking at the clock, she’ll lean in and pay close attention to what you have to say. She may flip her hair, tilt her head, or even gently touch your wrist.
2
Ask her home indirectly. During a positive point in the middle of the date, hint at going home. You can say something like, “We should go home after this and watch the new episode” during a point when you’ve connected over a show you have in common or would like to see.^{[8]
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- Doing it subtly means suggesting the date continue, not demanding it. Be respectful.
3
Return to normal conversation. After you suggest you go home together, either overtly or covertly, return to normal conversation. Instead of focusing on what happens later, show that you’re a mature, consistent person who will respect her boundaries. Continue on with the date.
4
Ask her home at the end. At the end of the date, break any uncertainty or tension by asking her directly if she’d like to continue the date. Think of what subject you discussed that served as a means of connection. You can say, “I had fun, do you want to come up and watch YouTube videos?” or, “I’d love to see pictures, do you have time?” You may also try admitting you don’t want the date to end.^{[9]
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- If she seems tense, unless it’s in regards to how to end the date, it’s better to avoid asking. Try to build the connection more if you have a second date.
- If she refuses, let her go. Don’t pressure her.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being Respectful

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Have her full consent. Bringing her home, as well as any touching during the date, should only be done with consent. When you initiate contact in public, do it in a way you’d do with any acquaintance, including gentle touches on the wrist when making a point or guiding by the hand or shoulder during an activity.
2
Move at her pace. It’s important to make her feel comfortable. Keep your conversations and contact friendly during the date. When in private, be sure to move slow, starting with touches on the hand and low on her thigh. Any touch, including kissing, should be stopped if she pulls away or otherwise seems uncomfortable.
- Reassure her that you won’t do anything she doesn’t want you to do.
3
Be polite. Part of respecting her wishes is to restrain yourself verbally as well as physically. While flirting is acceptable, it usually is not appropriate to be lewd. Leave those jokes at home. In addition, her impression of you extends to how you treat people around you. Be as complementary and charming to everyone else as you are to her.
- Being polite and respectful involves not talking badly about past relationship partners, too. It’s often better to avoid this subject entirely and focus on your current date partner.
4
Remain courteous. In the event that the date doesn’t end the way you want, keep your calm. She is under no obligation to go home with you or even see you again. If she isn’t ready to go home, respect her wishes. Greet her goodnight even if you don’t kiss. This way, you’ll maintain any trust in case you do meet again.^{[10]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Should you send a girl home on the first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

It depends on what you want. Statistically, less than 10% of couples who sleep together within the first three dates will make it through a year.
Question

How do I get a boyfriend?

Community Answer

Approach someone you're interested in and start a conversation with them. The deeper your conversations go and the more time you spend with him, the more likely you are to start a relationship with him.