How to Stop Talking to Someone You Like

Co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD and Kai Hynes

Last Updated: February 2, 2022 References

So you have a crush, but you know you can’t be with them. This can be for any number of reasons: they’re taken, they’re toxic, or they’re just not the right fit. Whatever the reason is, this is definitely a confusing place to find yourself in. When your heart and mind are at odds with each other, the best thing to do sometimes is to just walk away. But how do you do this? Luckily for you, we’ve compiled a list of ways to help you stop talking to someone you like and move on!

1

Spend less time with them in person.

Avoid hanging out when you can. If you and your crush see each other regularly, you can give yourself some physical distance so you have less chances or reasons to talk.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Also, the less time you spend with each other, the less attached you might feel to each other.^{[2]
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- If you usually reach out to see each other, try making plans with other people or rearranging your schedule so you don’t have free time to spend together.
- You should stay away from places that you both go to frequently, like stores or cafes that you’ve seen each other at before.

2

Make excuses about why you can’t hang out.

Say you’re busy or not in the mood to talk. If you don’t have real reasons to not be around your crush, you can just make some up! Make yourself seem unavailable, and they’ll probably stop reaching out as much after a while. This goes for in-person interactions and texts or phone calls.^{[3]
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Research source} Here are some examples of white lies you can tell:
- “My workload is crazy!”
- “I’m feeling pretty tired.”
- “I already have plans!”
- “I have a family emergency.”
- “My parents/roommates want me to stay in.”

3

Keep conversations short when you have to interact.

If you run into each other, just say “hi” and leave it at that. There are cases where it might be impossible to avoid your crush. For example, if you work or go to school together, or have the same friends, you’ll probably see each other once in a while. When you do, keep your talk to a minimum and politely end the conversation however you can.^{[4]
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- Limit your conversation to boring, surface-level questions and answers so that it doesn’t last long. You don’t have to be overly friendly.
- If you respect and care about them as a person, you probably don’t want to totally hurt their feelings by being outright cold to them.
- For example, if they ask, “How are you?” just respond with “I’m good. How are you?”
- Treating them like just another regular person you know can help you emotionally detach yourself from them, too!

4

Mute, block, or unfollow them.

Don’t respond to texts, calls, or posts from your crush. Having a phone and being on social media makes it difficult to stay out of contact with people. If you really want to stop interacting with this person, you have to become not only physically unavailable to them, but digitally unavailable, too.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} It seems harsh, but it’ll definitely tell them you don’t want to talk.^{[6]
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- Ignoring messages can be emotionally difficult. You might feel sad seeing their name pop up on your phone. You can stop yourself from seeing them by blocking them.
- If unfollowing or blocking seems too extreme for your situation, a lot of social media platforms let you “mute” a person so you can’t see their activity.
- You might want to get off social media altogether for a while, since it can affect your mental health. Get outside and see your friends IRL instead!

5

Tell them why you don’t want to talk to them.

If they confront you about avoiding them, you might have to be honest about why. Telling the truth can be scary! But sometimes, it’s the most mature thing to do in a situation like this. Telling the truth now could prevent a lot of pain and confusion for both of you in the long run.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Just remember to be respectful of their feelings, and only bring it up when you know it’s appropriate.^{[8]
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- “There’s something I need to talk to you about. Is now a good time?”
- “I really like you, but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.”
- “I need to distance myself from you and my feelings for you.”
- “I think not talking is the best decision for both of us, and I’m sticking to it.”

6

Remind yourself why you can’t keep talking to them.

Trust that you know you’re doing what’s best for both of you. Cutting a crush off can be hard. It takes a lot of self-control to stop talking to someone you like! But there’s a reason you’re doing this, right? Next time you catch yourself wanting to pick up the phone and dial their number, stop and reflect on why you know you know you shouldn’t.^{[9]
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- Separating from your emotions and giving yourself a reality check isn’t easy!
- It can help to remind yourself out loud of all the reasons why you shouldn’t talk to them. Use your own voice as your voice of reason.

7

Talk to other people in your life.

Remember that your friends and family are there for you. You might not be able to talk to this one person, but there are plenty of other people in your life that you can talk to! When you feel like reaching out to the person you like, use that social energy on other people you care about.^{[10]
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- It’s really important that you don’t feel lonely and keep your social life active during this time.
- Hang out with friends, spend quality time with family, or reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in a long time.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Julia Yacoob, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.}
- If you feel comfortable talking about your situation, your loved ones can be a really great support system for you.

8

Keep yourself busy with activities.

Find hobbies and projects to distract yourself from your crush. When you like someone, sometimes all you want to do in your spare time is reach out to them. You can keep these urges away by spending your time and energy doing something else! Find something you’re passionate about and work really hard at it.^{[12]
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Research source} For example, you could:
- Plan a fitness goal and begin an exercise routine.
- Do something creative, like making art or redecorating your bedroom.
- Teach yourself to cook something new.
- Take a class or workshop on something you’re interested in.
- Go above and beyond on job or class assignments.

9

Distract yourself when you start to think of them.

Redirect your thoughts toward positive things. If you ever catch your mind drifting to your crush, stop yourself, and start thinking about something entirely unrelated. Take a breath and tell yourself, “OK! I’m going to think about something else now.” Remind yourself that there’s more to life than them.^{[13]
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Research source} Instead, daydream about:
- Fun plans you have with friends in the upcoming weeks.
- Projects you’re excited about finishing.
- A new book, movie, or videogame you’re obsessed with.
- Travelling somewhere or trying something new.
- What you’re going to do with your weekend.

10

Give yourself time to get over them.

Believe in yourself that you can and will get over this crush. The amount of time it takes to fully “move on” from someone you like can range from days, to weeks, to months, to years.^{[14]
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Research source} Trust that you’re doing what you can by not talking to them. That’s an important first step.
- You can allow yourself to miss talking to them. Just assure yourself that this feeling won’t last forever.
- Sometimes putting your feelings into words can help you process them. Write your feelings down in a journal, or talk to a friend about them.

11

Start talking to someone else.

Don’t let yourself get stuck on this one person forever. Maybe this relationship just wasn’t meant to work out. That’s ok! This probably won’t be the only crush you have in your life. There are so many other fish in the sea. Once you’ve given yourself some time to heal and think about what you want out of a relationship, you can put yourself out on the dating scene again!^{[15]
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- If there’s someone else you’re already interested in, try talking to them to get your mind off the person you’re trying to stop talking to.
- You don’t even have to talk! Just having a crush on a new person from afar can be enough to emotionally distance yourself from someone else.
- Just remember your relationship must-haves, and why your last crush wasn’t right for you. Don’t let history repeat itself!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get over being lovesick?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

There are different ways to get over being lovesick. Some people like to spend more time with friends and socialize. But others prefer to be alone, have space, or mourn. You can choose whichever has a healing impact on you.
Question

Is it okay to accept your mistakes?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Accepting one's mistakes shows real strength and character. It allows you to make amends and honestly connect with others.