How to Not Care

Last Updated: August 9, 2022 References Approved

There will be times where negative people try to bring you down and you don’t want to care about what they say. Though it may be difficult to be apathetic, there are ways to move on and be positive about life ahead of you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

When People Judge You

1
Build your opinion of yourself. Don't care what people see in you. Oftentimes, the reason we care what others think of us is because we see ourselves through their eyes...but it’s not good for us to base our opinion of ourselves solely on what others think of us.^{[1]
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Research source} The best thing you can do to not care what others think of you is to build your opinion of yourself. Do things that make you proud of yourself so that no matter what they say, you know that you are a good, worthwhile person.
- Volunteering is a wonderful way to make you feel good about yourself while also providing invaluable support to your community.
- Learn a skill, like drawing, playing an instrument, or playing a sport. Tired of being that loner guy who no one talks to? Be that guy who plays killer bass.
- Travel and see things that you want to see. Traveling will make you more confident and give you wonderful memories and stories to tell for the rest of your life.
- Put effort into the things you do. If you try hard at school, work, sports, housework, etc, it's easy to not care what others think of your performance. When you know that you did your best, don't care about anything negative anyone says.
2
Do the things that you want to do. Don’t let the opinion of others stop you from doing the things that you like to do. Your happiness shouldn’t hinge on their approval.^{[2]
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Research source} Ignore them and you will find that the more time you spend doing whatever you want, regardless of what they say, the less you care. You will enjoy yourself so much that you’ll find you simply don’t care any more.
- Pursuing things that make you happy is also a great way to meet people who think like you do and like the same things. These new people will celebrate, rather than judge, the things that you love!
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3
Allow them to reject you. A great step towards not caring when people judge you is to just let them judge you. Let them judge you and, in experiencing that judgement, you will see that it isn’t the end of the world. You still get up each day and you can still do all the things that you want to do. Their opinion doesn’t actually impact your life.^{[3]
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Research source}
- There is especially little point in fighting their judgement because it will be almost impossible to make them stop. The people that most harshly judge you are usually those that most harshly judge themselves, and they will continue to judge you because it makes them feel better. They have issues, but don’t let their issues drag you down.
4
Realize that it won’t matter in the long run. It is also important to remember that these people have problems and lives of their own. In five years, they probably won’t even remember you, much less all the things about you that they didn’t like. Their opinions won’t impact you at all just a few years from now. If you spend the mean time enjoying your life and taking advantage of your opportunities, you will be much happier in the long run than if you waste a bunch of time trying to gain the good opinion of people you probably won’t even see any more in a few years.
- As an exercise, write down all your worries and concerns on a piece of paper. From that list, ask yourself what you can control and what you don't have control over.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Donna Novak, Psy.D
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

When Things Go Wrong

1
Realize that things could be worse. When bad things happen to you, try to remember that things could be worse. This is not to diminish the pain of the things going on in your life: no, those things still suck. There’s no changing that. But when you understand that things could be worse, you’ll find it much easier to appreciate the things that you do have.
- If you tend to complain a lot, come up with some alternate, more positive things to say.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Donna Novak, Psy.D
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.}
2
Appreciate the good things in your life. So, knowing that you could lose so much more but that you haven’t, take the time to appreciate the things in your life that make you happy. Hug your mom, tell your best friend how much they mean to you, and watch a sunset...because right now, in this moment, you’re alive and that (in itself) is amazing and wonderful.^{[6]
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Research source}
- If it feels like you don’t have things in your life to appreciate or being happy about, then you need to go out and get some things to be happy about. Start volunteering, make a new friend, or do something you’ve always wanted to do. Our lives are short and we shouldn’t spend them being bored and unhappy.
3
Believe that it is not the end of the world. Things will go wrong. It happens. It happens a lot, actually. But if you believe and understand that things go wrong, then you will know that things going wrong doesn’t make the world end. Our problems will sometimes seem big, and they often are incredibly painful and difficult to handle, but (as the proverb goes) this too shall pass. You will have other problems and you will have other happiness.
4
Move on to the next thing. You can’t change the past, you can’t undo something that’s gone wrong. All you can do is pick yourself up and move on. Take a new approach and fix the problem if you can. If you can’t, just go on to the next thing. Giving yourself a new goal, a new purpose, and new successes will help you not care about the failures you have experienced.^{[7]
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Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Times When You Should Care

1
Care when someone else is being hurt. There are times when you should always care. When someone else is being hurt is probably the most important. It’s very reasonable to want to not care about people bullying you, but if you see people bullying someone else you should always care. If we stand up for each other then no one will ever have to get intentionally hurt like that, yourself included.
2
Care when you might hurt someone else. You can’t kill people you don’t like, you can’t bully others, and you should always about how your words and actions hurt other people. If we want to live happily and peacefully in this world, we have to love and care for each other rather than driving hate with hate.^{[8]
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Research source} If you don’t care that you’re hurting someone else, you need to think about how your actions are going to impact your life.
3
Care when people need you. Oftentimes, people will rely on you. You may not even known that they rely on you. There will be, throughout your life, people that need you for different reasons. You should care about them and you should care about yourself enough to do what you need to do to help them.
- These can be friends that need your emotional support through hard times or family members who need your love to keep their lives bright. It might be a shelter where you volunteer or it might be your children who need you to survive.
4
Care about your own life and your well-being. It is also extremely important for you to care about your own life and your own well-being. At times it can be hard, especially if you have had bad things happen to you, to understand why you should care about yourself. But when you feel down, remember that there are so many people who love you (even if you don’t know it) and your future has so many wonderful things in store for you (even if you don’t think good things will ever happen to you again). Be strong, because you are so strong, and just wait.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

When Someone Hurts You

1
Realize why they hurt you. Realizing why someone hurt you will go a long way towards helping you not care about it, as it will help you understand and empathize with them and what they did. If you understand someone’s reasons for doing something, it becomes harder to judge them and hold it against them.
- Maybe they hurt you because they are hurt, or lonely, or afraid. Maybe they hurt you because they worry that you’ll hurt them first. Maybe they don’t have a good example from their own lives of how to love others or treat people well. There are a number of reasons why people hurt other people, intentionally or unintentionally.^{[9]
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  Research source}
2
Believe that it is their loss. If someone hurts you or otherwise shows that they don’t appreciate you and your role in their life, just understand that it is their loss. If they want to be angry or hurtful or alone, that is going to affect them much more negatively in the long run than it will affect you. Realize that your time and affection are much better spent on someone who appreciates you.
3
Appreciate the people who really care about you. Take the time to appreciate the people who do care about. There are plenty of people who love you and love being around you. These friends, family members, coworkers or teachers are much more worth your time than someone who is all wrapped up in their own problems.
4
Find new people to care about. When this hurtful person leaves your life, find new people to care about. This will give you new purpose and happiness and help you forget the things that they did. When you find new, wonderful people who appreciate you for who you are, you will find that all the things that other jerk did suddenly don’t matter to you at all. It’s hard to be hurt and angry when you’re so happy!
- A simple "How's your day going?" is a great way to start a conversation with a new person.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Donna Novak, Psy.D
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.}

Warnings

Teaching yourself not to care takes time. Don’t expect it to happen overnight!

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There is nothing inherently wrong with caring. It’s more important that you don’t let negativity get you down. You can care what people think about you, not change, accept yourself, and still be happy!

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If you find that you want to hurt yourself or otherwise have thoughts of suicide, please get help. We want you to continue to share your beautiful spirit with the world! Call one of the hotlines below to get emergency help and counseling:
- US and Canada: Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-SUICIDE
- UK: 116 123 or 1850 60 90 90 (ROI)
- Australia: 13 11 14
- For additional suicide hotline numbers, consult the list at: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
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