How to Stop Taking Life Too Seriously

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: February 26, 2023 References Approved

Taking things very seriously can be a great quality, showing that you are earnest, caring, and hardworking. But, taking things too seriously can cause unnecessary stress and worry over things that aren't worth the effort.^{[1]
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Research source} By learning about why we tend to take life too seriously and how to spread some humor and lightness into life, you can stop being so serious and spend more time enjoying life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Thinking to Encourage Playfulness

1
Use a checklist to keep things in perspective. Shake yourself out of a serious demeanor by asking questions that will help you get your priorities straight. When you feel intense seriousness start to bubble up inside, ask yourself the following questions:^{[2]
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- Is this worth getting upset over?
- Is this worth possibly upsetting others?
- Is this really so important?
- Is this so bad to begin with?
- Is the situation really beyond repair?
- Is this your problem at all?
2
Interpret others with generosity. A serious mentality can make it more difficult to see when things are meant to be taken lightly or in jest.^{[3]
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Research source} You might jump to conclusions about what someone meant or did. For example, if someone points out to you that you have a small stain on your shirt, you might take them to be making a statement about your inability to look presentable. Just like that, a helpful comment is turned into an offense.
- Try searching for alternative meanings beyond your knee jerk response to take people's remarks as having very serious implications. Consider that most people do not have an agenda--they are not trying to send you hints that go beyond what they are actually saying.^{[4]
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3
See humor all around you. Being able to find the humor in life is just as important as being able to see the more practical, close-ended way of viewing things.^{[5]
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Research source} When you are tempted to think "I'm too mature for this" or "Does anyone really find this amusing?", try to find the part of yourself that can enjoy it--even if it means taking a walk in someone else's shoes.
- After all, research shows that the two most desirable qualities for leaders to have are a good work ethic and a good sense of humor. Test out the idea that you can be dedicated and hardworking without being serious all the time. Work hard, play hard--right?
4
Develop flexibility.^{[6]
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Research source} Because you never know where life is going to take you or why, ruined plans and unfinished goals might mean that something entirely different and unexpected is in store. We all know the old saying that life is about the journey, not the destination. So, rest easy and relax the reins since it is often the unplanned and uncertain that delivers most of the treats and surprises that you would never have thought to seek for yourself.
- Try to re-envision your highest-priority goals as possible landmarks along your journey.^{[7]
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  Research source} This way, goals are not ends in themselves (this gives us that serious, tunnel-vision attitude toward them). Instead, goals are simply moments that give you the inspiration to continue making lemonade out of life's lemons.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Actions to Encourage Playfulness

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Break from habit occasionally.^{[8]
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Research source} When you take detours and let other things disrupt your regular routine, you get more and more comfortable with life's little surprises. What's more, you experience more of the benefits that come along with the unplanned, like meeting cool new friends at a bar that you decide to take a chance on.
- Even small departures from routine, like a new route to work, will remind you to pause and focus on things that you normally miss. Little changes still help us out of our heads (and thus distracted from the worries that keep us serious) and into the present moment.
2
Learn techniques to cope with stress. When you are stressed, you are much more likely to take things seriously; stress is when your body is poised to react in an intense way.^{[9]
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Research source} This sets up a cycle of getting stressed from taking things seriously and taking things seriously reinforcing stress responses. Learning mental and physical methods to lessen stress is crucial. Examples include the following:^{[10]
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- Making long-term healthy lifestyle changes, like diet and exercise
- Using to-do lists
- Reducing negative self-talk
- Practicing progressive muscle relaxation
- Learning mindfulness and visualization meditations
3
Express yourself through movement. Loosening yourself up - literally - will make it much easier to approach life with cheery grace. There is a wide variety of movement-oriented arts that can help ease some of the bodily tension that usually accompanies a serious mind. Depending on your interests, you may want to take up dance, yoga, aerobics, or expressive arts like improvisational comedy or basic acting.
- Taking a class in any of these areas might be more helpful than teaching yourself because letting loose in the presence of others can be more encouraging than trying to learn alone.
4
Incorporate music into your life. Listening to music more frequently can be a great way to alter your mood because it helps exaggerate certain feelings.^{[11]
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Research source} This means that if you are trying to lighten up and focus on the cheerier parts of life, listening to upbeat music can bring these brighter aspects more clearly into focus.
- Try listening to up-tempo music in major keys. Any genre will do as long as it makes you personally feel relaxed and at ease.
5
Seek out opportunities to laugh. Intentionally giving yourself more to laugh about will help you remind yourself just how much humor lies in all situations. The following are simple ways to introduce yourself to more laughter:^{[12]
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- Watch a funny movie or TV show
- Visit a comedy club
- Read the comics section of the newspaper
- Share a funny story
- Host game night with friends
- Play with your pet (if you have one)
- Go to a “laughter yoga” class
- Goof around with children
- Make time for fun activities (e.g. bowling, miniature golfing, karaoke).
6
Make jokes to combat minor frustrations.^{[13]
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Research source} There will always be little inconveniences that get in your way, but you always have the option to turn them into jokes. If you don't think there's anything to laugh at when, say, you find a hair in your soup, laugh about the very fact that something so small has the power to throw such a major wrench in your plans (or make you have a little talk with your waiter...).
- You could get aggravated and beat yourself up about the fact that your printer is malfunctioning, or you can joke about getting what you deserve for still using your old inkjet from the ‘90s.
- Try deliberately turning a molehill into a mountain just to see how silly it is when you do so unintentionally.^{[14]
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  Research source} Rant and rage about breaking a nail or dropping a quarter down into a grate as if it were the most serious thing in the world. This way you'll get an outsider's perspective of how you may be coming off when you really are being serious.
7
Surround yourself with fun, supportive folks.^{[15]
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Research source} Probably the easiest way to remember to stop taking life so seriously is to get swept up in a fun-loving group of people whose very presence knocks the seriousness right out of you. Take note of friends you already have and new people you meet who seem to laugh effortlessly and encourage you to do the same.
- Even when you're not together, imagine what these friends would think of how seriously you're taking whatever the latest issue is. How would they respond to the same problem?
- What's more, shared laughter is a highly effective way to keep relationships going strong. Laughing with others builds the same bonds of emotional sharing, but with the added dimensions of joy and vitality.^{[16]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Discovering the Sources of Seriousness

1
Reflect on the pursuit of perfection.^{[17]
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Research source} Excessive seriousness can sometimes come from trying too hard to live life in a particular way. Say you are highly focused on the goal of eating well, preparing only gluten-free, super-food meals for yourself. Chances are good that if somebody offers you some cake at a birthday party, you'll get stern, uncomfortable, and give a long-winded explanation about your diet. Imagine what the person who offered you the cake is thinking: "Geez, it's just a piece of cake. What's the big deal?"
- While goals are great, pursuing them with such fervor can make tiny setbacks seem like enormous hurdles, causing the things that you take seriously to become more and more minute.
- Research actually exposes that perfectionism is linked with less success and productivity because it often comes along with procrastination.^{[18]
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Question if you’re trying to prove yourself.^{[19]
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Research source} Sometimes seriousness happens when we see everything as evidence of our abilities and value as people. Remember that student who acts like every tiny assignment is as important as the final exam? Even one bad grade signals that he is a bad student, on track to fail.
- When everything feels like a performance of your worth, even trivial tasks or errands become moments where you need to prove yourself.
- Also try to pick up on whether or not vulnerability is difficult for you. At work and at home, we are subtly asked to put up strong fronts of high, expert functioning where all facets of life are concerned. The result is that we become reluctant to show any signs of uncertainty or emotional reactions to stress.
- This can be even more pronounced if you have high expectations put upon you, or if those in your life already see you as high achieving. Are you trying to maintain your reputation of being a do-all hard worker?
3
Consider that our culture rewards goal-orientation. With capitalist society's great focus on efficiency and productivity, being able to set and reach goals is esteemed to the utmost. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that this is just one tactic that is particularly good for business. When it is applied to all areas of our lives, we get convinced that we know exactly what we need to do and how to get it done.
- Being a product of your culture is a wonderful thing, but being aware of where this attitude comes from can help you use it more responsibly rather than compulsively.
- This attitude can severely limit you ability to be a good student of the world and take what life throws at you with ease and the delight of pleasant surprises.
4
Notice when seriousness becomes defensive.^{[20]
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Research source} A major source of seriousness is a heightened sense of danger. After all, it's impossible to relax and take anything lightly if you're caught up assuming that you may need to defend yourself from the threat of harm. Try to ease seriousness by looking for the positive aspects in what you encounter and considering how you stand to benefit by encountering new things.
- Many people are encouraged to develop a sort of overactive conscience by their parents.^{[21]
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  Research source} Even when parents' intentions are good, constant warnings of potential danger and the importance of being careful can make you see (and focus on) the serious and threatening side of everything.
5
Learn the effects of excessive seriousness. One of the main drawbacks of having a serious attitude all the time is that taking chances and thinking outside the box are severely limited.^{[22]
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Research source} An overemphasis on seriousness lends itself to a narrow way of understanding what's worth your time and what isn't. When you ignore things that intrigue your or make you feel good in some immeasurable way, you stand to lose some of your natural ability to expand your horizons.
- Ironically, being too serious can also make you even less productive by making you so nervous about one thing in particular. When we walk around with the mindset that the sky will fall if, say, dinner isn’t ready at 7p.m. sharp, we rush and neglect the joys of cooking that really motivate you to make your dishes more challenging and original.
- Being serious can also impact your connections with others, making you more likely to judge and criticize what you see around you. You might love someone’s laugh, but a serious attitude will force you to realize that a nice laugh will not pay medical bills if someone gets into an accident.