How to Move On After One‐Sided Love

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: March 24, 2023 References Approved

It’s completely normal to feel sad, disappointed, and a bit lost when someone you love doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Whether your love was completely unrequited or you put in more effort than your partner did, a one-sided relationship is tough to get over. It might not feel like it now, but moving on with your life will make you stronger, more independent, and ready to meet someone who really loves you. With these tips and tricks, you can take the first steps toward moving on and feeling like yourself again.

1

Dive into distractions.

What are some things you love to do? Jump into a new hobby, spend time in nature, or play with a pet. You can work through your emotions in a positive way to keep your spirits up.^{[1]
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- Exercising is a great way to distract yourself; plus, you’ll get a flow of endorphins that can help boost your mood.
- Try painting, reading a new book, embroidering, playing sports, swimming, or jogging.

2

Practice self-care.

Do something nice for yourself every day. It doesn’t have to be huge—try painting your nails, relaxing in a bubble bath, doing a face mask, going for a walk, or listening to good music. Try to treat yourself gently so you have time to recover from the hurt and sadness that you’re feeling.^{[2]
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- Self-care looks different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to try out a few different things until you find what makes you feel good.

3

Let yourself be upset.

Rejection hurts, and you might feel sad or lonely for a while. The fastest way to stop those emotions is to actually feel them instead of repressing them. There’s no timeline for how long you might take to get over it, so allow yourself to feel down for as long as you need to.^{[3]
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- Not grieving the loss of a relationship can lead to worse emotional states, including depression and anxiety. Don't bottle up the way you feel, but find healthy outlets for your feelings.

4

Reach out to friends and family members.

It’s time to really lean on your support network. Make plans to hang out with friends, call your parents up, or visit your neighbors. If you want to tell them what you’ve been going through, you can; otherwise, just enjoy their company and use it as a distraction.^{[4]
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- You don’t have to talk about your one-sided love if you don’t want to, but it might help. Sometimes, people who have experience in the area can give you advice.

5

Look forward to the future.

Better days are ahead, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You’ve done the hard part: you recognized that your love was one-sided. Once you move on from the hurt, you'll feel happier, more vibrant, and you'll open yourself to the better relationship that you deserve.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.}
- Think of it as turning your experience into a life lesson—you’ve been through a one-sided relationship or a rejection, so you know what to look out for in the future.

6

Set goals for your next relationship.

Now you know that one-sided love isn’t for you. Make a written list of the ideal characteristics and qualities you want in a relationship, like love, trust, and honesty. Really try to hold every relationship up to those standards from now on, and don’t settle for anything less.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.}
- If you have a history of one-sided relationships in your life, step back and look at why you choose that type of relationship, and what keeps you unwilling or unable to break that pattern.^{[7]
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7

Cut contact with the other person.

Going no contact, at least for a little while, can help you heal. While it’s totally possible to stay friends with the object of your one-sided love, trying to keep up the relationship right away could be more painful. Let the person know that you need some space, and take some time for yourself.^{[8]
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- If the person was taking advantage of you or mistreating you, it might be time to cut contact for good.
- It’s up to you to decide how long you stay away. Some people might only need a few weeks, while other people might need a few years (or even longer).

8

Put yourself back out there.

When you’re ready to find a new partner, don’t be shy. Try not to let your experience with one-sided love get you down. Join a few dating apps, try out some social clubs, or let your friends set you up with someone. Only you can decide when you’re ready to love again, so don’t rush it.^{[9]
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- It might feel scary or strange at first to seek out a new relationship. Try to remember that everyone is different, and not all of your relationships will be one-sided.

9

Acknowledge and accept what happened.

Keeping yourself in the dark will only hurt you more. Instead of pretending to yourself, acknowledge that your love was one-sided. It’s going to be painful, but it’s an important first step in moving on.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.}
- While pretending to yourself about the relationship might feel better now, you’ll only hurt yourself in the future.

10

Recognize that they’re not the one for you.

Even if you still love them, the relationship isn’t fulfilling. It’s okay to hold onto those feelings for a little while, but try to convince yourself that they aren’t your soulmate. It might take some time, but you can move on from a person that you loved.^{[11]
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- If you catch yourself yearning for the person again, remember how you felt when you realized your love was one-sided. It will help you make a clean break and stop fantasizing about them.

11

Challenge your inner critic.

Negative thoughts can be overpowering, but they don’t have to be. If you catch yourself thinking badly about your situation or how you handled the one-sided love, try to challenge them. It’s normal to have a few thoughts like these, but they can really get you down over time.^{[12]
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- For example, you might think, “No one loves me the way I love them.” Challenge the thought by saying, “That’s not true, I’ve had many fulfilling relationships in the past. This just wasn’t one of them.”
- Or, you might think, “I’ll always be alone.” You can challenge this by asking yourself, “How do I know that’s true? I can’t see the future. I might not be in a relationship now, but I have friends and family members that I love. Plus, I might meet someone new in the future.”

12

Talk to a mental health professional.

One-sided love can cause us to doubt ourselves. If you feel like you can’t move on or you’re having constant negative thoughts, talking to a professional can help. You can learn more about one-sided love, why it affects us so much, and what you can do specifically to help yourself move on.^{[13]
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- Look for a licensed therapist or counselor in your area.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I move on from an ex when all I can think of are the good memories?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Keep in mind that there's a reason you broke up. It may be hard, but try to focus on the issues you had as a couple or things that came to light during the break up itself. If you understand why you weren't compatible it will be easier to heal and move on.