How to Spoil Your Wife

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: June 10, 2021 References

After you get married, you still need to put work into your relationship to maintain the romance between you and your wife. A great way to improve your relationship is spoiling her once in a while. There are many ways you can keep doing romantic things for your wife even after years of marriage. Communicate your feelings by telling her you love her and complimenting her as much as you can. Make loving gestures like bringing her random presents, cooking for her, and giving her a relaxing massage. Finally, continue "dating" your wife by taking her to her favorite places and trying new things together.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Communicating Your Feelings

1
Tell her you love her every day. It’s very simple, but many people overlook it. One of the most romantic things you can do for your wife is remind her how much you love her and what she means to you. Don’t assume she already knows. Tell her often so she doesn’t forget.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Use variants of “I love you” too. Something like, “I love how you’re always there for me” or “I love that you’re my best friend” are great ways to show your appreciation.
- Random phone calls or texts just to say "I love you" are also a nice surprise.
2
Compliment her as often as you can.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Romantic partners should build each other up, and a great way to do that is with compliments. Pamper your wife by feeding her self-esteem. She'll feel better about herself, and probably feel closer to you for making her feel appreciated.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- Surprise her with little compliments to show you notice things. If she comes out of your room with a new hairdo, stop and say, "Oh, I like the new look!"
- Try to be specific with your compliments. If she asks if her dress looks good, don’t just say “Yes.” Say, “It makes your eyes look radiant.”
Advertisement
3
Thank your wife whenever she does something for you. Never make your wife feel like you don’t appreciate what she does for you. Always thank her when she does work around the house, cooks, helps you, or puts effort into the relationship. This way, she'll always know that you appreciate what she does for you.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- Think of this as being courteous. You’d probably have good manners around other people, so why shouldn’t you have the same good manners around your wife?
- A good thank you/compliment combination is, “Thank you for making dinner tonight, you always cook the steak exactly how I like it.” Look for other opportunities to give these kinds of compliments.
4
Tell her she is beautiful. Give your wife steady reminders that you think she’s beautiful to keep her happy. Knowing that you still find her beautiful over the years will give her a boost of confidence and happiness.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Always notice if she dresses up or puts more work into an outfit. Compliment it specifically so she knows you saw her effort.
- Mix it up between saying she “looks” beautiful and she “is” beautiful. The first means that she is wearing a nice outfit or took some time making herself up; the second means that she’s naturally beautiful. Use each phrase at the appropriate time.
- If you wife comes downstairs in a new dress for your date night, say, "Wow! You look beautiful in that!"
- Surprise her with little reminders. If she's relaxing on the couch in sweatpants, tell her she's beautiful so she knows you're attracted to her no matter what she's wearing.
5
Brag about her in public so she feels appreciated. Complimenting her in private is good, but don’t keep your feelings just between the two of you. If you’re all out with friends or family, tell them all about a great meal she cooked, a promotion she got, or any other accomplishment you know she’s proud of. This way, she’ll know you’re proud to tell others about her.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you're out with friends, a good way to brag for her is saying, "She's too modest to tell everyone, but I want you all to know she's up for a top seller award at work." This will show her that you're proud of her accomplishments.
- Have the correct timing for when you do this. For example, if your friend is talking about a breakup, this isn’t the right time to brag about your spouse.
6
Write her love notes and leave them where she’ll find them.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Not everything has to be verbal. Writing short love notes is a great way to surprise your wife and tell her how much you appreciate her. Surprise her by leaving them around your home for her to come across. Finding these little messages when she isn’t expecting it will keep her happy when you aren’t even there.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Mix up where you leave the notes. Leave some in obvious places you know she’ll find soon, and leave others in unexpected places she might not see right away. The surprise will make her chuckle.
- These notes don’t have to be long. A simple, “Have a great day!” hidden in her purse to find later at work is sure to put a smile on her face.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Making Loving Gestures

1
Do household chores to decrease her workload. While chores may not be sexy, many spouses consider their partners doing more housework a sign of love. If your wife does a larger share of the housework, take some of the work away from her. Do more chores to lessen her workload. This will show her that you want her to relax more and are taking steps to help her do that.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Surprise her randomly by coming home from work early and cleaning the house or cooking dinner before she gets home. She’ll appreciate being able to come home and relax.
- Think about the amount of time you spend watching TV or relaxing when you get home from work. You could probably sacrifice just a little bit of that time and do more around the house. There will be a big payoff when your wife sees your extra effort.
2
Cook a meal for her if you don’t usually cook.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Cooking a meal lets your wife relax while you work, and she’ll appreciate your extra effort. Pick a meal you know she likes and prepare it for her. The two of you can then enjoy bonding over a nice meal.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- For a special occasion, you could even leave work early so you can start preparing the meal before she gets home. Then she’ll walk in to a nice surprise.
- If you don’t cook often, don’t go too crazy and try to make something hard. Keep it simple so you know it will turn out well.
3
Give her random presents to show that you’re thinking of her. These gifts don’t have to be large or expensive. They’re just little tokens to show that you were thinking of her. Your wife will be happy to know that she popped into your head at random times throughout the day.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you pass by her favorite ice cream shop on your way home, stop and get her something. She’ll appreciate the unexpected treat.
- If she mentions wanting something but hasn’t bought it for herself yet, then act first and get it for her as a “just because” gift.
4
Listen to your wife while she talks to you. Your wife should feel comfortable talking to you, so always let her know you're listening. If it's been a while since you two had a really deep conversation, then get her to open up a bit. Ask her how her day was, how she's doing, and if she's happy. Then listen to her responses. Let her talk without interrupting so she knows you're listening.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- This may not sound especially romantic, but it's very important for maintaining your connection to each other. If your wife feels like you never listen to her, she may begin resenting the relationship.
5
Treat her to a random massage so she can relax. This is a great way to pamper your wife. After a long day, start rubbing her back and neck to relieve her stress. Even if you don’t really know how to give a massage, just working those muscles will feel good and relaxing.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Don’t press too hard unless she asks you to. Remember, you want to keep this relaxing.
- Don’t try and get sexual right away. Just give your wife the massage so she can relax. If she wants things to go further, then it will happen naturally.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Dating Your Wife

1
Go on regular dates to keep your relationship fun. While dating your wife may sound strange, it’s a good way to think about how to keep your relationship strong. When you were first dating, you were trying to impress and win her over. Keep thinking like that. A great way to get into this mindset is to continue going on regular dates. Set aside one night a week and take her out like you were dating again. This alone time will help build your relationship and keep it fun.^{[15]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- Good standby ideas are the things you know she likes. Her favorite restaurant or bar, for example, is always a good choice.
- Branch out too. Try new activities that you haven’t done before to keep her guessing and experience new things together.
2
Look for exciting events in your area to go to.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Stop your dates from getting stale by keeping an eye out for new things to do. If a band is coming to town or there is a local street fair, change up your dating routine and go. Having new experiences can bring you both closer together.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- Stay spontaneous. If you had plans to go to your favorite restaurant but pass food truck fair on the way, don't be afraid to stop and have something different for dinner instead. This will keep the excitement in your relationship.
- Social media is a great way to stay informed on events in your area. Follow local bars and venues to see what shows or bands they’re hosting.
- Some towns put out circulars that announce upcoming events. Keep an eye out for these as well.
3
Let her plan out your dates too. While taking care of all the planning is a good way to spoil your wife, letting her take control is another way to spoil her. Change things up by letting her plan everything out. She’ll enjoy being in charge and appreciate that you gave up control for her.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- Don’t interfere with her planning unless she asks for your input. Otherwise, let her plan what she wants to do.
4
Keep up your physical appearance to impress her. While there is more to relationships than looks, continue putting effort into your appearance. If you’ve been wearing sweatpants every day lately, get back into planning your outfits. If you’ve put on a little weight, start visiting the gym again. This all shows effort that your wife will appreciate.^{[19]
X
Research source}
- Surprise your wife with your appearance once in a while. On your date night, dress up more than you usually do to put a little more effort in.
- Know what she likes and tailor your appearance to that. If she likes you with a little stubble, for instance, go a few days without shaving for her.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Pampering Her

1
Book your wife a spa session so she can relax. If your wife has been working hard lately, a spa trip might be the best choice to rejuvenate her. She can get a professional massage, skincare routines, and other therapeutic treatments to make her feel great. If you've been looking for a way to pamper your wife, this is a great start.
- This could be for a special occasion like her birthday, or just a random gift if you want to surprise her.
- If you two want to bond a little more, make it a couple's spa trip. That way you can both relax together.
2
Take her on a shopping spree. If your wife likes shopping, then this is a great choice for spoiling her even more. Surprise her one day and say you're taking her to the store. Let her pick out a few things she's been wanting and treat her to it. She'll feel like you're really taking care of her.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- If you want to have more of a plan, then pick a specific item your wife has been looking at. If you know she wants a new dress, then take her to her favorite store and tell her to pick one out.
- Remember to keep your budget in mind while shopping. Don't spend more than you're able to.
3
Spend an entire day doing whatever she wants. Instead of guessing what your wife wants, she may prefer being in charge altogether. Let her take control by giving her a "Me Day." Cater to whatever she wants, cook for her, take her out, or just sit and watch movies with her. It's all up to her.^{[21]
X
Research source}
- If your wife usually prefers that you make plans, then have a few ideas in mind if she can't decide what she wants to do. If you know she loves bowling, suggest that as your first activity. Then let her take over.
- Remember, don't complain about what she suggests. If she wants to watch a sappy movie, then accept it. The day is about her.
4
Plan a luxurious vacation if you can afford it. Getting away from life can be a great way for you and your wife to bond again. If you can afford it, plan a vacation for the 2 of you. Pick a location you know she'll love, and look at the local activities and attractions. Plan a schedule to do all the things she likes. Your wife will feel taken care of by the end of the trip.^{[22]
X
Research source}
- The destination depends on what your wife likes. If she's a beach person, then you have plenty of options for beachfront destinations. If she prefers a more rustic feel, try booking a cabin in the mountains for the weekend.
- Remember that there are lots of options for affordable vacations. Cruises that only last a few days or a weekend trip to a nearby beach are nice getaways that don't have to break your budget.
5
Take a nice day trip for a more affordable option.^{[23]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Big vacations aren't in everyone's budget, but you can still go on a nice trip to show your wife a good time. Day trips are a great way to get a break from life without spending a lot of money or taking time off work. Choose a location a few hours away from your home. Leave early, spend the day exploring, then be back in time for bed.^{[24]
X
Research source}
- Good day trip options are going to the beach, visiting a winery or vineyard, or just taking a long drive through a place with nice scenery. Be creative and choose something you know your wife will enjoy.

Expert Q&A

Question

What are some romantic things I can do with my wife?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

You can try writing romantic love notes to her, taking her on a special date night, or even do chores she normally does so she can take time to relax.
Question

How do I plan a cheap romantic getaway?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

You don't have to go far to find romance. Look for places near you that you can explore. You could go for a day trip for little to no money. If you can afford it, take an overnight trip to a close-by city.
Question

How do you make your wife feel loved and appreciated?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

You might leave love notes for your wife to find. Place them where she'll see them or mail a love letter to her. Additionally, be sure to thank your wife for everything she does for you, and step in and do her household tasks sometimes. You can also give her lots of compliments.