How to Be Romantic with Your Husband

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Last Updated: October 22, 2021

Keeping the romance alive with your husband is easy when things are new and exciting. However, it can be a little tougher to be romantic with your husband when you’ve been married for a while. Luckily, there are many different romantic things you can do for your husband, from surprises to thoughtful gifts to sweet everyday gestures. Keep reading to learn a variety of ways you can romance your husband and reignite your spark.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Maintaining the Spark

1
Incorporate little romantic gestures into your daily routine. Turn your quick peck on the cheek into a longer 10-second kiss on the lips when you leave for work each day. Call him by an old sweet pet name that you used a lot when you were first dating. While you may not always feel like there’s time or money to go on romantic trips or buy him fancy gifts, gestures require little and are just as impactful.^{[1]
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2
Be touchy feely with him. Touching, even when done subtly, can connect you to your husband and encourage intimacy. Give him a big hug when he gets home from work, hold his hand while you walk into the grocery store, or offer him a foot rub at the end of a long day.^{[2]
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3
Change things up in the bedroom. Since you’ve probably been physically intimate with your husband for quite a while, you may notice that you’ve developed a certain go-to routine in the bedroom. To spice things up, try something new. Consider asking your husband about his fantasies, experimenting with new positions, or even just turning on the lights if you usually have them off.^{[3]
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- If your husband is usually the one who initiates sex, change things up by making the first move. This will likely make him feel desired by you, which may kick start the intimacy.
4
Be spontaneous. It can be hard to keep that romantic spark when you’ve been together for years and day-to-day life is so repetitive. Change things up by doing something fun and spontaneous, like renting a convertible for the day and inviting him to take a drive to the beach with you to watch the sunset.^{[4]
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- If you can’t leave the house for one reason or another, be spontaneous at home. For example, light a couple of candles, play his favorite slow song, and ask him to slow dance with you in the kitchen.
5
Watch a romantic movie together to get into the mood. It can sometimes be difficult to transition from work or taking care of the kids to romance and relaxation. Put on a cute romantic comedy or a more dramatic movie that’s filled with chemistry.^{[5]
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6
Flirt with him secretly. Secrecy can be fun and sexy. While at dinner, write a naughty note on a napkin and pass it to him, or whisper something suggestive in his ear. This can add an exciting twist to your normal everyday interaction if intimacy is typically kept at home.^{[6]
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7
Wear clothes that he likes on you. Pay attention when he says, “That dress is amazing,” or “I love those jeans on you.” Change out of your sweatpants and put on something you know he loves to help spark a physical connection. As a bonus, this may also show him that you pay attention to what he says.^{[7]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing That You Care

1
Tell him what you love about him. Everyone likes being complimented, especially by their spouse. Try to remember to tell your husband 1 thing you love about him each day to help him feel loved and cherished by you.^{[8]
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- For example, if he’s been working late all week, say something like, “I love how hard you work to keep our family comfortable and happy.”
- For example, if the sunshine makes his eyes sparkle, let him know. Say something like, “Most days your eyes are more brown, but the lighting really brings out the green in them. I love your eyes.”
2
Show interest in what he likes. It’s often easy to connect with your husband over similarities and shared interests, but showing interest in something he likes that you don’t can really show him that you care about who he is. Ask him questions about topics he’s knowledgeable about and try activities that he loves.^{[9]
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- For instance, if your husband works as a mechanic and you don’t really care about cars, ask him some questions about them anyway. Say something like, “What’s the hardest thing to fix in a car? How do you fix it?”
3
Give him your full attention when he wants it. If your husband lets you know he wants to talk to you about something, brushing him off or multitasking while he talks may make him feel unimportant. Stop washing the dishes or put down your phone and look him in the eye when he talks to ensure that he feels special and focused on.^{[10]
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4
Write him a sweet love note or send him a loving text. Writing a few kind words hardly takes any time or effort, but it may make your husband smile. Write a few sweet well-wishes for the day on a post-it note and stick it in his lunch box before he heads to work, or shoot him a quick text during the day telling him you love and miss him.
5
Let him relax. Life can get hectic, so your husband might really appreciate a “night off.” Do a chore or 2 that he usually does and let him have some time to himself. This kind act of service may make your husband feel special and loved.^{[11]
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6
Suggest a “guys night out.” Your husband may very well view this kind of suggestion as a selfless act. By encouraging him to go hang out with some friends and do “guy stuff,” you’ll be helping him to have fun and be happy without making him feel pressure to include you in it.^{[12]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Spending Time Together

1
Go on a date with him. Dating can be easily forgotten when you’re married, but it’s necessary to keep dating in order to have quality time together and focus on each other for a few hours. Get a babysitter if necessary, and then make a reservation at your husband’s favorite restaurant and buy tickets to see a movie he’s excited about.^{[13]
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2
Try something new with him. Since the day-to-day activities of married life can be recurring, it's a great idea to go try something new and bond over it with your husband. Sign the 2 of you up for a cooking class, go to a cool bed and breakfast for the weekend, or try a sport or activity you’ve always wanted to try, such as snow skiing.^{[14]
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3
Exercise together. It feels good to get your blood pumping and hang out together at the same time. Go play tennis together, hold hands while you ice skate, or go for a walk together at the local park.^{[15]
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4
Look through old photos together. Try bonding over old memories together. Chances are, you’ve done a lot of fun things together and have many good memories. Look back at your wedding or honeymoon photo album, and bond over those special moments to reconnect.^{[16]
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5
Go to a comedy show. Laughing together can increase your sense of connection and help you feel relaxed and happy. Check out the local comedy club together or go see a funny movie that’s out.^{[17]
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Romantic Ideas

Love Note to Husband

Romantic Texts for Husband

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you sustain romance in a marriage?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Creating romance requires planning, investment, and effort. Make time every day to connect with your partner physically or emotionally, and let them know you appreciate them regularly. Also, if you're busy, it's important to develop rituals to keep romance in your life, like having a regular date night and occasional weekend trips away together.
Question

Is physical intimacy important in a relationship?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Yes! Physical intimacy is important. Relationships need to remain physical, even as people get older. If you're married and there's no physical intimacy, you become roommates, and inevitably you'll feel like there's something missing. Don't just do it when you think you're supposed to, like birthdays or Valentine's Day or when you're staying in a hotel room. Turn off your phone or the TV once in a while and be intentional about making time for that connection in your relationship.