How to Speak Supportively to Someone with Depression

Offer phrases to give hope. You do not want to negate what someone is going through. However, it can be helpful to give the person hope via supportive phrases. Let them know their feelings will change eventually, but do so in a manner that does not negate their present thought patterns.^[6]

• For example, say, "I understand this may be hard to believe now, but I know you'll feel better someday. This will pass. I promise."
• After stating as much, remind them you'll see it through with them. For example, say, "Until then, I'm here whenever you need me."

Encourage them. People with depression often feel hopeless. Their lack of ability to keep up with daily tasks can also damage self-esteem. A person may feel mad at themselves for failing to keep up with daily tasks. Letting them know you believe in them can mean a lot.

• For example, someone says, "I feel like I'm failing at everything right now. I'm so mad at myself." Respond with, "I know it feels that way, but I think you're amazing. I believe that you can get through this and I'll be there to help."

Ask what you can do to help. There may not be much you can do to help a depressed other than just be there. However, depression can interfere with a person's ability to handle daily tasks. Let the person know you're there to help, and ask them for any specific things you can do.

• Start off by saying something like, "What can I do for you?"
• Make it clear you mean more than just listening with this statement. Follow up with something like, "I know you haven't been keeping up with chores. I'm willing to do your dishes if you need that."
• Always follow up. If you say you can help with something, make sure you actually provide the help you offered.

Let them know you will be there for them. Depression can make people feel alienated. People often worry about pushing friends and family members away due to their depression. It's important to let a depressed person know you will stay by their side no matter what.

• Stay something like, "I know this is rough, but I'm not going anywhere. I will ride this out with you."

Invite them to do things with you. People who have depression tend to isolate themselves and ruminate on their thoughts. To help get the person out of this cycle, invite them to join you for activities, such as going on a walk, taking a trip to a museum, going to see a movie, or even just going for a cup of coffee.

• Keep in mind that they might say no, and it is important for you to honor their decision. Don't try to pressure them or make them feel bad for not wanting to do something.
• Activities that take place in nature can be especially helpful for depression, so you might consider inviting them on a hike, bike ride, or kayaking.^[7]

Do not give advice. If someone is depressed, they are probably already handling it the best they can. Depression is a confusing, frustrating disorder, and requires professional treatment. Do not try to give advice, as it's unlikely you will be able to solve someone's depression.^[8]

• For example, do not ask them if they've tried something like a specific exercise routine or a certain medication. The person is probably handling the depression with a therapist.
• You should also avoid telling them to change their mentality. Do not say things like, "Why don't you practice rejecting or replacing negative thoughts?" This can easily come off as condescending.

Avoid scolding someone for negativity. If someone is depressed, they may be negative about a variety of things. Someone may seem uninterested in activities or only see the negative sides of social events and other aspects of life. While this may be frustrating, avoid scolding them. Do not say things like, "Can you try not to be so negative all the time?" or "Could you not keeping bringing us down?" The person cannot help that they struggle to see the bright side.^[9]