How to Show a Girl That You Care (for Guys)

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: December 4, 2022 References Approved

You care about this girl, but you don't know how to show her. Be sure to listen to her when she needs a kind ear; be courteous and chivalrous whenever possible; and don't be afraid to tell her how you feel. Make her feel appreciated through your words and deeds.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Listening to Her

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Get to know her.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} If you're in school together, talk to her in class. If you have mutual friends, talk to her whenever that group gets together. You don't have to make a big deal about it – just say hello and smile at her. Ask her how she's doing, and strike up a conversation.^{[2]
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Research source} The first step to showing her you care is getting to know her.
- If you make the effort to talk to her, she will get the idea that you care about her – especially if you make a habit of asking her how she's doing. This is a low-risk way to show her that you're interested.
- The better you get to know her, the easier it will be to show her that you care. Also, getting to know her may make you care about her more – and her care for you may also blossom!
2
Text with her and talk to her online.^{[3]
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Research source} If you can't spend much time with her in person, this is a great way to get to know her. Even if you see her every day, however, social media and other instant messaging apps can be great be a great way to talk to her one-on-one.^{[4]
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Research source}

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3
Be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Ask her questions and listen carefully to the answers.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} Respond thoughtfully with more questions, and try to learn about her.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Take active interest in her activities, without being too nosy or overbearing. Listening is one of the best ways to show that you care.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Start with basic questions: "How's your day going?" or "How was your weekend?" or "Nice shirt – that's my favorite band! Do you like them?"
- Segue into more advanced questions: "How did that [specific thing] go?" or "Do you go there a lot?" or "Have you ever seen them live?"
- Don't only ask questions, or you might make her uncomfortable. Share your own experiences, and make jokes. Have a conversation, not an interrogation.
4
Listen when she needs to talk.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} Be a kind and patient ear. Encourage her when she feels uncertain, but try not to throw too much of your own opinion into the mix. Offering thoughtful advice can be a great way to show care, but sometimes people just need to talk through their problems. Do not listen with the aim of getting anything from her; listen purely because you care.
5
Remember things that she says. Remember the details and the specifics, and bring them up when you get the chance so she knows you heard her. This is especially true if she's said something important! Retaining information is an important part of listening.
- She may find it irritating if you zone out and forget things that she has told you – whether these are things that she wants you to do, or just details from her life.
- Remember the little things she says; things that are just comments or sayings. For instance: if she just at some point mentioned that she has always wanted to go to the lighthouse, plan a surprise trip and take her there. She will appreciate that you remembered a small comment and made it come true.
6
Respect her values and beliefs. She may do things that you don't approve of. Don't restrict her, unless these things harm her in a big way. If a value is special to her and is a part of her life, you should respect it even if you don't like it – and she will appreciate you for that. Respect doesn't mean that you must be a subordinate; it just means that you should let her be an individual.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Caring Gestures

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Be thoughtful and chivalrous. Hold the door open for her, if you're walking into a room together.^{[9]
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Research source} Offer her some of your food, if she's hungry; ask if she needs anything when you go to the store. Make sure she knows that you're thinking of her well-being, and go out of your way to make things easier for her.^{[10]
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Research source}
- Be ready to help her out if she's struggling with something – but always give her the chance to figure it out herself! Even if you just offer, she'll know that you care.
- Bear in mind that not every girl wants things done for her. Being thoughtful does not mean assuming that she cannot do things herself; it merely means that you want to make her happy.
2
Greet her whenever you see her.^{[11]
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Research source} Smile at her and ask how her day is going.^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} Make it clear that you're happy to see her, and make a point of taking the time to talk to her. Be absolutely present during this time; don't check your phone or talk to anyone else. It may brighten her day if she knows that she has brightened your day.
3
Make or buy gifts for her.^{[13]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} Make it thoughtful, and put your heart into it. It doesn't have to be expensive, unless your girlfriend prefers expensive things. it could just be a letter or a poem you wrote. Don't gift her too often, maybe once every few weeks or every month – otherwise she will keep expecting it, and the gifts may lose their novelty.
- Consider writing her a song, if you're musical. Draw her a picture, if you're artistic. Write her a poem, if you're good with words. Make her a piece of jewelry, if you're crafty. Use what you have, and make it personal.
- If she's been talking about something for a while, consider buying it for her to show her that you've been listening. Be careful not to get her things that she doesn't want: she will still see that you care, but she may feel less appreciative.
4
Make her laugh.^{[14]
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Research source} Tease her in a friendly and casual way. Always remember any inside jokes between the two of you, and bring them up so that she knows that you remembered. Try to understand her sense of humor so that you can make her laugh even more. If you go out of your way to brighten her day, it will show her that you care.
5
Try to get close to her family and friends. She will appreciate your effort, if the two of you are already romantically linked, and she may love you all the more for it. Be kind and sincere to the people she cares about, and she will care for you in return.
- Back off if she seems uncomfortable with you getting close to her loved ones. Read between the lines, and know where her boundaries lie. She may just not be ready – or there may be a deeper problem in your relationship.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Telling Her How You Feel

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Ask her out, if you aren't already involved.^{[15]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.} Once she knows you care—and seems to care about you too—it might be time to ask her to spend more time alone with you. Tell her that you like her, and ask her out on a date.^{[16]
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Research source}
- Asking a girl out doesn't have to mean that you're exclusive, and it doesn't need to be anything more than an invitation. It is a way to tell her outright that you care about her, and it is a way to test whether she cares about you too.
2
Tell her that you care. Whatever your relationship to this girl, telling her outright is the easiest and most straightforward way to let her know that you care about her. Find a time when the two of you are alone, and wait until the moment is right. Say, "I just want you to know that I care a lot about you, and that I really value our time together." Make it genuine, and make it sweet.^{[17]
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Research source}
- If you know the girl well, you can bring this up just about whenever you like; but if you are still beginning your relationship, you may consider waiting for a quiet and sentimental moment. Tell her when you're sitting together on the lawn, or when you're staring at the stars, or when you've been walking together for more than a few minutes.
- This admission doesn't need to be in a romantic context. It can just be a statement to a friend: "I just want you to know that I have your back," or "You should know that I really value your presence in my life."
3
Be specific. Give her specific compliments and insights. Tell her why you care, or what you care about. Say, "I really value the time that we spend eating lunch together each day," or "I feel that we've grown really close over the past few months, and I care a lot about the conversations we have."
- Keep it simple. You don't need to impose any expectations onto her, and your care doesn't need to be anything more than what it is. Make it clear that you mean what you say, and that you aren't trying to get anything from her.
4
Tell her often. If you really care about this girl, make sure that she doesn't forget it. Show her that you appreciate her every day that you see her. Don't be overbearing; but let your care flow into every action. Find new ways to tell her that you care, whether that means a compliment ("You look beautiful today,") or an appreciation ("I really appreciate your smile and your positive spirit. You always manage to brighten my day.")^{[18]
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Community Q&A

Question

Things to compliment a girl on?

Community Answer

Smile or voice, those are big ones that really make a girl feel noticed and special.
Question

How can I tell if a girl likes me?

Community Answer

Check the advice in Tell if a Girl Likes You in School.
Question

Is it good to tell her every day?

Community Answer

Every day might be a little bit much, and she might also think you're just telling her out of habit. Tell her when you truly feel that way, not just because you feel obligated to tell her.