How to Handle Your Ex's Drunk Texts & Why They're Drunk Texting

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: August 13, 2022 References

Bing. It’s your ex, and they’re obviously drunk. Are they trying to get back together? Maybe they want a booty call? Should you respond to them? We’re here to help you figure out why your ex is drunk texting you and what their text means. We’ll also help you craft the perfect response, depending on how you feel about your ex.

Section 1 of 3:

Why is my ex drunk texting me?

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Your ex is drunk texting you because they’re thinking about you. You’re living rent-free in their head, and their drunk texts are here to prove it. Take a moment to feel good about yourself because you’re officially the person they can’t get off their mind. You’re pretty amazing, so it makes sense.^{[1]
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- There may be another reason for their text, as well. But they're thinking about you, for sure.
- Once they're sober, your ex might play it off like they accidentally texted you, but you’ll know the truth.
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Your ex may be texting because being drunk removed their filter. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, so your ex might say things they wouldn’t if they were sober. They may even regret texting you in the morning.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} This is likely the case if your ex is gushing about their feelings or asking you to get back together.
- It’s best to take everything they say with a grain of salt.
- Your ex is likely being honest, but they might not have any intention of acting on their feelings. They might even say, “I still love you,” and mean it, but that doesn’t mean they want to get back together.
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Your ex could be drunk texting because they want to hook up. Alcohol can make people a bit frisky, and your ex may be in the mood for *ahem* “love.” Since they’re thinking about you, they might text you for a booty call.^{[3]
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Research source} You’ll know this is the case if your ex asks to meet up or sends a sext.
- If you’re still into your ex, it’s probably not a good idea to hook up. They might think this is only a one-time thing, and you could get hurt.

Section 2 of 3:

What does a drunk text mean?

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A drunk text could mean your ex is still into you. Your ex may still find you attractive and think about you all the time. This is likely the case if you broke up because you have different values or your lifestyles just don’t align. While they’re drunk, your ex might feel the urge to confess their true feelings for you.^{[5]
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- As an example, you may have broken up because you’re different religions or because you’re both super focused on demanding careers. It’s unlikely that these things have changed, but your ex can’t help but text you when they’re drunk.
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A drunk text might mean your ex regrets your breakup or wants closure. It’s possible your ex is hurting right now, and alcohol gave them the confidence to reach out. They may feel bad about hurting you if they ended it. If you broke up with them, they might want an explanation.
- Wait until they’re sober to talk it out so they can think through what they say.
- You don’t owe your ex an explanation, so don’t feel pressured to talk to them if your relationship was toxic. It’s okay to just move on.
- That said, you might decide to talk to them if you miss them, too, or if you feel bad about what happened.
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A drunk text could mean your ex is bored or wants entertainment. Your ex might be texting you because they think you’re still into them and will give them the attention they crave.^{[6]
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Research source} It’s likely this is the case if they seem to be fishing for compliments or they send you several texts in a row.
- They may even bait you with texts like “I miss you” or “Do you ever think about us?” It’ll be a big ego boost if you respond with “I miss you, too” or “Yes.”

Section 3 of 3:

How to Respond to a Drunk Text From Your Ex

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Wait until the next day to respond if you want to talk. Since alcohol lowers your inhibitions, people sometimes say things they regret later. Your ex may tell you things they don’t mean if you talk to them while they’re drunk. Just to be safe, have the conversation when your ex is sober.^{[7]
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- It’s okay to leave them on read until the morning.
- You don’t want to risk getting back together with your drunk ex only to have them break up with you in the morning.
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Tease them to start a friendly conversation. It’s possible they want you back, but they might have just been bored. Play it safe if you’re not sure how they really feel about you. Keep your response light and funny to leave the door open for them to share their feelings. You could say:
- “I see you had a great time last night. How are you feeling this morning?”
- “Looks like you were having fun, lol.”
- “I think you set a record for ‘most fun had’ last night.”
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Be nostalgic if you miss them. A little nostalgia is a great way to let them know you still think about them without directly saying it. Take a walk down memory lane to remind them how happy you were together.^{[8]
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Research source} You could say:
- “I forgot how funny you are when you’re drunk.”
- “Aw, remember how much we’d laugh together.”
- “This reminded me of our night in Vegas. Remember how much fun we had?”
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Ask them to leave you alone if it bothers you. Maybe you’re capital “D” done with your ex. Tell them directly that it’s not okay to text you anymore. If they don’t stop, block them or put their messages on “do not disturb” so you won’t get notifications when they text you.^{[9]
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Research source} Here's how to turn off their notifications:
- On an iPhone, click on the message thread, then click on the contact at the top of your screen. Next, click the toggle for “hide alerts.” This will turn on “do not disturb” just for your ex’s phone number.^{[10]
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- On an Android, open the chat and click on the 3-dot menu. Select “mute conversation” to silence the notifications from your ex’s texts.
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Invite them to talk in person if you want to get back together. It’s so easy to misunderstand tone when you’re texting, and you want to make sure you’re on the same page. Ask your ex out for coffee or dinner so you can talk things over. Hopefully, they’re feeling the same way you do. You could say:
- “I feel like we left some things unsaid. Do you want to get coffee after work tomorrow so we can chat?”
- “I think we should talk about this in person. Would you be interested in dinner this Friday?”
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Ignore the text if you’ve moved on or have gone no contact. You don’t have to respond to your ex unless you want to. Don’t let them bait you back into communicating with them. Just laugh at how lame they are and focus on what you want.