How to Put Your Arm Around a Girl

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Amber Crain

Last Updated: July 21, 2020 References

Putting your arm around a girl can be intimidating, especially for the first time. Often, the hardest thing is figuring out when and where you should do it. As long as you pay attention to her cues and choose scenarios that allow you to be smooth instead of awkward, you can take this important relationship step easily and confidently.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Building Up to It

1
Look for signals. If you want to put your arm successfully around a girl, the most important thing is to first make sure she wants you to. Have you hung out at least few times as more than friends? Has she been the one to extend an invitation to hang out? When you see her, does she smile, meet your eyes and look happy to see you? Do you text and talk to one another daily? If so, she’s probably ready for you to put your arm around her.^{[1]
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- If she seems to take every opportunity to “accidentally” brush up against you or otherwise make physical contact, she likes you.^{[2]
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  Research source} It’s pretty likely that she’s going to be thrilled if you put your arm around her.
- If you’ve just met, or if you don’t know her well, wait.
- If she’s flirting with you but that’s as far as it’s gone, you should probably wait until you get a few more solid signals from her first.
2
Make sure she looks happy and comfortable. When you’re hanging out and you feel like it could be your moment, sneak a peek over at her. What’s her facial expression? Is she relaxed and happy? Does she look comfortable when she’s around you? Is she already leaning in close to you? These are all good signs that it’s time to make your move.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- If she looks uncomfortable, stressed out or unhappy, it’s probably not a good time to put your arm around her, especially if you never have before.
- Make sure she’s engaged in the moment.
- For instance, if she’s immersed in her phone, not interacting with you at all, and not sitting remotely close to you, it’s not the right time.
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3
Try a preliminary arm touch. When you’re in the middle of a great chat or having a good laugh together, test the waters by quickly and lightly touching her on the forearm. How does she react? If she flinches or withdraws suddenly, trying to put your arm around her is a bad idea.^{[4]
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- However, if she meets your eyes, smiles, or moves in closer to you when you touch her forearm, go for it!
- By touching her forearm first, you are giving her a subtle heads up that you’re thinking about trying something a little more intimate.^{[5]
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- She will probably appreciate this gesture, regardless of whether or not she wants you to put your arm around her. It's usually preferable to be anticipating it rather than being totally blind-sided.
4
Be physically close enough. It may sound like a no-brainer, but before you go for it, take a quick look to confirm you can put your arm around her easily and smoothly. If you aren’t close enough to pull the move off smoothly, the gesture will probably come off as very awkward for both of you.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- When you finally do put your arm around her, you will want it to seem effortless and comfortable.
- If getting your arm around her seems like a stretch because of distance, move a little closer to her and see how she reacts.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Your Move at the Movies

1
Go on a Friday or Saturday night. Most dates happen at night, so opt for an evening showing over a matinee. Furthermore, choose a Friday or Saturday night to go see the movie, since those evenings are considered by most to be date nights. You want to communicate to her that you definitely consider this to be a date.^{[7]
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- If she agrees to go to a movie on a Friday or Saturday night with you, it’s a good sign that she definitely likes you as more than a friend.
- Her presence alone should boost your courage!
2
Pick a romantic or scary movie. Either one of these types of movies will create an atmosphere conducive to putting your arm around a girl. On the other hand, a raunchy comedy or documentary might not create the most romantic atmosphere.
- Scary movies in particular work well because when people go through frightening things together, even if it’s just a movie and not “real,” it creates a feeling of closeness.^{[8]
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- Make sure she likes horror movies before you bring her to one. You want the experience to be fun for her, not literally terrifying.
3
Make sure the seating will accommodate your move. Once the two of you sit down in the theater, check out the seating situation. Are the seats close enough together? Are they comfortable? If you shift your weight around, do the seats make any weird or awkward sounds? Is there an armrest between your seats and, if so, will it get in your way? These are all things to consider.
- If any of the above-mentioned scenarios seem like they might get in your way or create an awkward moment, wait for a better time.
- If your shoulders are touching when you sit in your seats, you’ll be able to pull the move off seamlessly.
4
Choose the right moment. The best time to make your move is during a romantic scene or a scary scene during which she might appreciate a little comfort. Avoid trying to put your arm around her a during sex scene, since that could be very awkward and send her the wrong message.
- Another bad time to try is during a pivotal scene or a climactic one, since your move might be more of a distraction to her than a romantic gesture if she’s engrossed in the film.
- Don't worry too much about the timing and end up not doing it!^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Eddy Baller
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
5
Be calm and casual. You will probably be feeling pretty nervous, but try not to show it. If you are visibly stressed out, your date will probably start feeling the same way, which is not an ideal situation for this. Try to breathe slowly and evenly and keep your demeanor calm. Mentally remind yourself to relax every now and then, if you need to.
- Avoid fidgeting, which communicates that you’re anxious.^{[10]
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- To pull this off smoothly, you should also try to make the move feel spontaneous to her (even if you planned every detail).
- If it feels planned out and forced when you put your arm around her, she’ll notice and it will probably create an awkward, uncomfortable atmosphere.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Creating Other Opportunities

1
Go for a walk together. When you’re out for a walk, it’s a chance to spend a moment alone together. It’s also a natural time to have a meaningful or sweet discussion with her and, since you’ll already be walking side by side, it’s a perfect scenario for you to put your arm around her.
- Avoid discussing anything heavy or negative. Walk slowly and keep your body language relaxed.^{[11]
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- Suggest taking a stroll with her at a nearby park on a pretty afternoon.
- Another good excuse for a walk is to go window shopping or run an errand.
2
Be near her. Wherever you happen to be hanging out or whatever you might be doing, always try to sit or stand close to her when it makes sense to do so. Obviously, don’t follow her into the bathroom or anything like that, but in general, staying by her side creates a “couple” atmosphere and provides ample opportunities to get your arm around her.
- If she seems uncomfortable with your nearness or makes excuses to get away, give it a rest. You want her to feel liked, not stalked.
3
Offer her your jacket. If she looks cold or if you happen to be out together on a windy or overcast day, be a gentleman and offer her your jacket. Not only will she think you’re romantic, but putting your jacket over her shoulders provides an excellent opportunity to sneak your arm around her.
- Place the jacket sweetly around her shoulders, and then let your arm remain naturally around them.
- Smile at her and give her shoulder a little squeeze after you’re got your arm around her.
- She’ll most likely look up at you when you do this, and you two will share a real moment of closeness.
4
Use the classic stretch and yawn move. If all else fails, give this classic a try! Yawn a bit and naturally lift your arms up in a stretch, being as casual as you can. When you bring your arms down, put one of them around her shoulders. If this feels a little obvious, you can always overact the move in a very obvious, cheesy way.
- This will probably make her laugh, and you should too!
- Sharing a laugh will break the ice and create a sense of comfort and ease between the two of you, and you’ll have your arm snugly around her.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it OK to put your arm around a girl on the first date?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

That's just going to be pure initiative. It could be the first, the second, or the third date — it doesn't matter. You get to play by ear, but just do it right. Don't look for too many signs: the big mistake guys make is always looking for signs that a girl likes them, instead of taking the initiative of doing something. If you want to put her arm around her, just do it. Then if she's not comfortable with that, she will lean away or say something about it, and that's fine but the only way to find out is by doing it.
Question

My girlfriend and friends want me to do this, but I get nervous! I feel like I have to do it tomorrow, though.

Community Answer

Being nervous is understandable and normal. However, if you already know she wants you to put your arm around her, try to let that ease your fear a little. At least you know that she is looking forward to it, and that's awesome. If you feel ready to do it tomorrow, go for it! However, you don't have to if you aren't ready. Don't feel pressured!
Question

How do I put my arm around a girl on the Ferris wheel?

Caitlin Trainor

Community Answer

Make sure she is comfortable and having fun. Look for some other signals. If she’s touching you or if she’s sitting extra close she might be dropping hints. Casually reach your arm around her. But make sure to stop if she doesn’t like it.