How to Pamper a Woman: 14 Special Ways to Make Her Feel Loved

Co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

Pampering the woman you love is a great way to help her feel special and cared for. If you’re not sure how to start, don’t worry—pampering someone doesn’t have to mean fancy candlelit dinners and expensive gifts! In this article, we’ll talk about a few simple ways to show your special someone how much you love her.

1

Ask her what she likes.

Pampering means something different to every woman. While one woman might enjoy getting a foot rub while lying on a bed of rose petals, another might prefer to crack open a cold beer and play her favorite video game with you. Before you try to spoil your sweetheart, talk to her about what that would look like for her.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Say something like, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” or “What can I do to help you feel cared for?”
- If she isn’t sure what to say, try offering some suggestions. For example, “Would you like it if I gave you a backrub?” or “What would you think of just snuggling on the couch and watching TV today?”
- Listen for any subtle or not-so-subtle hints she drops, too. For instance, if she happens to mention a new winery that’s opened up nearby, you could surprise her by arranging a tasting.

2

Pay attention to little details.

Take a genuine interest in her habits, wants, and needs.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} When you’re with her, really observe her. When you’re talking, what makes her perk up and start smiling? Does she have little habits that seem to bring her comfort? What are her pet peeves? Once you notice these things, go out of your way to show her you’ve been paying attention.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For example, maybe she likes to start her morning with a ritual of curling up in her favorite armchair with a cup of coffee. You could surprise her by having a cup of coffee already waiting for her by the chair when she gets up.
- Or, if she’s always complaining about her feet being cold, surprise her with a new pair of cozy slippers.
- Commenting on the little things you notice can also brighten her day.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} For instance, “Oh, you’re wearing those cute earrings again! I love those on you.”

3

Give her a romantic massage.

A massage is both intimate and relaxing. When it comes to pampering a woman, there’s a reason why massage is almost a cliché. Not only is it a great way to get up close and personal with your bae, but it can also help reduce her stress levels, relieve pain and tension, and even lower her blood pressure.^{[5]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} To give her a massage:
- Have her undress as much as she likes and sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
- Smooth her favorite massage oil or lotion over her body using light, gentle strokes.
- Gently rub or press any tense or tight areas with your thumbs or your knuckles. Apply lighter or firmer pressure, depending on what she prefers.
- To make it even more special, put on some relaxing music and light a few candles.

4

Shower her with physical affection.

This can mean anything from holding hands to jumping in bed. Not everyone is crazy about physical affection, but it’s an important part of most relationships. If your lady is into it, make a little time each day to give her a hug, a kiss, or a cuddle.
- Studies show that hugging for at least 30 seconds helps release natural feel-good hormones and boost feelings of love and connection—especially for women!^{[6]
  X
  Research source}

5

Compliment her sincerely.

Tell her exactly what makes her so special to you. If there’s anything you appreciate about the woman in your life, don’t hesitate to mention it.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} Make your compliments specific and sincere, so she knows you really mean it!^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For example, next time she makes you laugh, say something like, “I love your sense of humor so much. Your jokes always brighten my day.”
- While there’s nothing wrong with commenting on her appearance, studies show that most people respond even better to compliments that focus on who they are inside (e.g., things like her fun personality, her intelligence, or her kindness).^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  Go to source}
- Some women aren’t comfortable with compliments. If she gets embarrassed or acts like she doesn’t believe you when you shower her with praise, focus on showing an interest in her instead. For example, always remember to ask her how her day was.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}

6

Talk to her about her hopes, dreams, and interests.

You'll make her feel important and understood. And, when she talks, make an effort to truly listen. It might seem really basic, but having a deep conversation and giving the other person your full attention is guaranteed to make almost anyone feel special.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Make an effort to talk to her about things you know she finds meaningful. For instance, you might strike up a conversation about her favorite book.
- If you’re not sure what to talk about, try an ice-breaker, like, “Tell me about your favorite memory,” or “How would you describe your perfect day?”^{[12]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good in Action
  An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life
  Go to source}
- When she’s talking, put your phone away.^{[13]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  Go to source} Make eye contact and ask lots of questions, so that she knows you’re really present and interested in what she has to say.

7

Leave love notes for her.

Write a message telling her how you feel. It could be as simple as jotting down “I love you, babe!” on a sticky note and leaving it on the bathroom mirror. Or, you can write her an old-fashioned love letter and really pour your heart out. Either way, it’s a classic romantic gesture and an easy way to help her feel loved!^{[14]
X
Research source}

8

Offer to do a chore she normally does.

Making her life a little easier is a great way to show you care. For example, if your SO usually does the dishes after dinner, step in and do them for her next time. Or, surprise her by folding the laundry and putting it away before she gets a chance to do it.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- If you’re not sure whether she’ll appreciate it, ask her to be sure. For instance, if she’s really picky about how the dishes go into the dishwasher, you might offer to do something else—or ask her exactly how she wants it done—so you don’t add to her stress level.^{[16]
  X
  Research source}

9

Cook her favorite meal.

There are few things more romantic than cooking for someone. Surprise your special lady with breakfast in bed or treat her to a home-cooked candlelight dinner. You could also bake her favorite cookies, brownies, or cupcakes. Even if you’re not the world’s greatest chef or baker, she’ll probably appreciate that you made the effort!^{[17]
X
Research source}
- If you’re not very experienced with cooking, look up some simple recipes online.
- If your lady loves to cook, you could invite her to make a meal with you—or even have her teach you how to craft her favorite dish. It’s a great way to spend time together and help her feel appreciated and special.^{[18]
  X
  Research source}
- You don’t necessarily have to make her a whole meal. Just brewing her a cup of coffee or tea, or bringing her a favorite snack now and then, is a simple gesture that will mean a lot to her.

10

Give her a gift, just because.

Choose something that you know will be special to her.^{[19]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} For instance, if she loves art, you could get her a nice set of colored pencils or a book about her favorite artist. When you choose a personal gift, it helps send the message that you really “get” her—and care about what’s important to her.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or expensive. For instance, if she’s crazy about dogs, she’d probably love a cute puppy keychain or calendar. Say something like, “Hey, honey, I saw this today and thought of you!”

11

Remember to celebrate special days.

Write down anniversaries, birthdays, and other special dates. When you celebrate, look for ways to make it personal and relevant to her. For instance, you could create a tradition of always going to the same restaurant on the anniversary of your first date. Or, if there’s a special activity you love doing together (like going rock climbing or attending a wine tasting), make a date to do it each year on her birthday.^{[21]
X
Research source}
- You can even make up your own personal holidays to celebrate with her—for instance, have a little party each year to celebrate the day you met or the day she graduated from college.

12

Go on a fun getaway.

It can be as simple as a weekend road trip. Travel is a wonderful way to bond with the woman you love.^{[22]
X
Research source} Take her on a low-key mini-vacation to a spot you both enjoy, even if it’s just the next town over. Whether you camp out in a tent or stay in a cozy bed and breakfast, there are all kinds of ways to make your trip exciting and special.
- Travel is fun, but it can also be stressful—especially if you don’t necessarily enjoy doing the same things.^{[23]
  X
  Research source} To make sure the experience is positive for her, ask her what she wants to do. Don’t try to make her go rock climbing if she just wants to relax by the pool!

13

Plan a new adventure together.

Ask her if there’s something she’s always wanted to try. Then, do your best to make it happen! For instance, maybe she’s always wanted to learn how to knit, play Dungeons and Dragons, or visit Montana. Or it could be something as simple as going out to a new restaurant with you. Whatever it is, doing something new together as a couple is a great way to bond and help her feel loved.^{[24]
X
Research source}

14

Let her have special time to herself.

Space is one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner. It might feel weird to pamper your sweetheart by leaving her alone, but studies show that alone time is extremely important in a relationship.^{[25]
X
Research source} Encourage her to do things that she enjoys without you—either by herself or with friends.
- For instance, you might say something like, “It seems like you’ve been really stressed lately. Why don’t you go out and do something fun while I watch the kids?”
- Even if she doesn’t go anywhere, you can still give her space. For instance, she might enjoy having half an hour to meditate, exercise, or take a nice bath without interruptions when she gets home from work.