How to Motivate Someone

Co-authored by Sydney Axelrod and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD

Last Updated: February 16, 2023 References

Every sports movie or war epic has a great motivational speech by a coach or commander, inspiring everyone as the music swells to a crescendo. In reality, motivating someone is normally a quieter, more subtle, and more personalized effort. This article lists several helpful motivational strategies, starting with tips for saying just the right thing in the moment, then moving on to some more “big picture” advice. So read on to get motivated to be a motivator!

1

Use specific, not generic, motivational words.

Offer targeted guidance just for them, not stock motivational clichés. Say the person’s name and tailor your words to suit the situation at hand. Don’t use a phrase you saw on a poster or heard during a self-help infomercial!^{[1]
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- For instance, instead of “Keep your chin up,” try “Katie, shake off that missed free throw and show them what you’ve got on defense.”
- It’s harder to tune out motivational words when you hear your own name and the situation you’re in.

2

Use “I” instead of “you” phrasing.

Motivate with “I” statements that offer your support for their efforts. Whether you’re trying to motivate, critique, discipline, or resolve a conflict with another person, using “you” statements tends to put them on the defensive. Instead, use hostility-reducing “I” statements to offer encouragement and support while leaving the choice to accept it (or not) in their hands.^{[2]
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- For instance, a simple “I really enjoy watching you go all-out to play your best soccer” often works better than “You could be the best player on the team if you focused more during games.”
- Or, in a work setting: “I really like what I see in this team, and I know we can work together to improve our sales to meet the new goals.”

3

Motivate with positivity, not negativity.

Negativity never provides the same lasting motivation as positivity. Motivation should always be positive! Negativity is simply not a good motivational strategy. Criticisms, frustrations, and ultimatums may in some cases cause a response in the short term, but negative approaches won’t truly motivate the person to make a change.^{[3]
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- Negativity will probably only cause resentment—for example: “Instead of sitting on the couch playing that silly game all day, why don’t you join the actual team and play some real basketball?”
- Compare that to a more positive approach: “I think you’re pretty good at basketball and would enjoy playing with your friends on the team. Maybe you should think about signing up for the try-outs.”

4

Prioritize their process over their results.

Help them be proud of self-improvement instead of obsessing over success. Sure, mountain climbers are motivated in part by the thought of standing on that high peak for a few minutes. However, it’s the process of conquering the mountain (and their own fears and limits) that truly drives them. No matter the circumstances, focus your motivational efforts on the “climb” more than the “summit.”
- For example, instead of telling a teen athlete to work hard so they can win, try something like: “Marco, imagine the pride you’ll feel at the end of the final game when you know you’ve given it your all the whole season.”

5

Identify smaller goals in the big picture.

Offer motivational words that break large tasks into manageable chunks. People often lack motivation because they’re overwhelmed by a task that seems too big to handle, not because they're lazy. If you can help the person see many smaller tasks instead of one giant one, they’ll find it easier to envision success.^{[4]
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Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
- For instance, if your child is overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning up their messy bedroom, break up the task: “Tommy, I bet it’d be much easier for you to play trains if you cleared away all the other toys on the train table.”
- Or, if a co-worker is paralyzed by the thought of a big sales presentation: “Your current sales numbers are awesome, so I’d suggest you lock down that part of your presentation before delving into next year’s projections.”

6

Give them praise for working hard.

Motivate future achievements by rewarding their current efforts. As a teacher, boss, coach, or parent, offer praise and recognition whenever the person earns it—not generic, unwarranted praise, but specific recognition for specific work. Some people value praise more highly than others, but everyone likes to be honestly recognized for their genuine efforts. It lets them know that you appreciate what they’re doing, and offers a reason for them to seek additional praise.^{[5]
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- In a work setting, you might set aside a time each week for recognizing individual and group achievements.
- For kids, putting colorful stickers on a chore chart posted to the fridge may be a sufficient motivator.

7

Encourage them to reward themselves.

Self-praise for accomplishments, even small ones, is a great motivator. You should always acknowledge their efforts and praise their achievements, and also encourage them to do the same for themselves. When it comes to inspiring motivation, no “win” is too small or insignificant!^{[6]
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Sydney Axelrod
Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
- For example: “Leah, give yourself a pat on the back for all these great quiz scores you’ve gotten so far. You’ve set the stage for a successful midterm exam next week.”
- Or: “Joe, I sure hope you treat yourself this weekend for all the great sales work you’ve been doing. You definitely deserve it!”

8

Don’t go overboard with your comments.

Prioritize the quality of your motivational words, not the quantity. If you constantly try to motivate someone with words of inspiration and encouragement, your efforts will likely become less and less successful. The person may ignore what you say because it’s so commonplace, or they may resent your endless efforts to motivate them.^{[7]
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- Unfortunately, there’s no “magic number” for the frequency or timing of motivational comments. Your best bet is to save them for times when you feel like they’re most necessary and most likely to be welcomed.
- For example, a trainer who constantly shouts “C’mon, do it!” during a weight training session may simply annoy their client. However, a well-timed “You got this, Luke!” may provide a spark just when it’s needed.
- Similarly, continually nagging your teen to clean their room may be less helpful than giving them a quick boost of encouragement, like, "You'll be done before you know it!"

9

Tailor your strategy to fit them.

Motivation needs to be personalized, not one-size-fits-all. Before you can motivate someone, you have to know something about them and how they operate. If you don’t already know them well, get to know the person by watching, listening, and interacting. The more you learn about them, the better you’ll be able to tailor your motivational strategy.^{[8]
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- For instance, don’t just assume a person is lazy if they don’t seem motivated to find a job. Think about the things going on in their life, and listen to them for clues on how they perceive the situation.
- Some teens, for example, love to hear their parent shout out “C’mon, you can do it!” during the big game, while others are mortified by it.

10

Identify what motivates them to succeed.

Base your motivational strategy on the results they value most. People are driven to do things by the potential for extrinsic benefits, like wealth or a title, and intrinsic benefits, like feelings of contentment. The extrinsic/intrinsic mix varies by person, so it pays to think about how a person values different things. Only then can you effectively target your motivation towards what they value most.^{[9]
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- For instance, some people most highly value respect, while others might put wealth, affection, or comfort first.
- While asking “Which of the following do you value most?” might do the job, it’s more likely that you’ll want to listen and observe the person to get a feel for their priorities.

11

Motivate them and the “team” they’re on.

In a group or team setting, explain the person’s key role in the overall effort. This is useful in work, school, sports, and family settings, among others. Let the person know that they’re a vital component of something bigger than themselves. Don’t go negative, though, and use a “you owe it to the team” approach. Instead, stay positive!^{[10]
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- For example: “Those minutes you logged when Jake got in foul trouble really helped us stay in the game and gave us a chance at the end.” Or: “Your introduction to our group presentation will set the tone for the rest of us.”
- The desire not to let others down is a very common and powerful source of motivation. You want them to draw this conclusion themselves, though.

12

Give them what they need to succeed.

Offer a plan and tools for success so they know the job can be done. This is the best way to motivate as a boss, coach, or parent: give the people under your leadership what they need to succeed. The greatest motivational speech in history won’t improve sales if the employees don’t have the tools and tech they need to engage new customers!^{[11]
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- Define the roles and expectations for every member of the team, and your vision for the group as a whole. It’s easier to feel motivated when you have a clear goal in mind.

13

Show how motivated you are.

Seeing your motivation in action may help to inspire theirs. It sounds so simple but it’s easy to ignore: if you’re hoping to motivate someone else to do their best, make sure you demonstrate your own motivation to do your best! If you want your young adult child to take a greater interest in the world around them, for instance, show yourself to be actively engaged in community, national, and/or global issues.^{[12]
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- To be clear, you can’t motivate someone to care about the environment simply by caring about the environment yourself. But you’ll have no chance at all if you don’t model your own motivation for them.
- By modeling your motivation, you offer the opportunity for the other person to “team up” with you.

14

Accept that you might not succeed.

Do your part but realize you can’t force them to be motivated. True motivation comes from within, so there’s no way you can “make” another person feel motivated to do something. Instead, your goal should be to help them to identify their own feelings of motivation.^{[13]
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- Instead of trying to create motivation where there isn’t any, work to create conditions that help reveal their existing motivation.
- If an employee truly dislikes their job and is only in it for the paycheck, don’t bother trying to motivate them to take greater initiative. However, if you sense that they have an untapped potential to truly thrive at the job, see what you can do to help them find their motivation.

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Question

What do you do when your loved one lacks motivation to exercise?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

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Remind your loved one that being healthy will allow them to spend more time traveling, spending time with family, and doing things they enjoy. It may also help to remind them that a person's physical body needs to be used in order to stay healthy, but they might be more open to that advice if they hear it from their doctor.
Question

How do you motivate someone who is unmotivated?

Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed.
Educational Consultant
Alexander Ruiz is an Educational Consultant and the Educational Director of Link Educational Institute, a tutoring business based in Claremont, California that provides customizable educational plans, subject and test prep tutoring, and college application consulting. With over a decade and a half of experience in the education industry, Alexander coaches students to increase their self-awareness and emotional intelligence while achieving skills and the goal of achieving skills and higher education. He holds a BA in Psychology from Florida International University and an MA in Education from Georgia Southern University.

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There are a variety of reasons why someone may be unmotivated, so it may help to just talk to them about what's going on. Maybe there's something going on in their personal life, or maybe they're just simply uninterested in what they're doing. Sometimes people just need a break, too. You can never count out that possibility. But generally speaking, it's important to be supportive and helpful. It can be tempting to want to push people to be more motivated, but they're not going to change their tune if you're too hard on them.
Question

What can you say to someone to motivate them?

Sydney Axelrod
Certified Life Coach
Sydney Axelrod is a certified life coach and the owner of Sydney Axelrod LLC, a life coaching business focused on professional and personal development. Through one-on-one coaching, digital courses, and group workshops, Sydney works with clients to discover their purpose, navigate life transitions, and set and accomplish goals. Sydney has over 1,000 hours of relevant coaching certifications and holds a BBA in Marketing and Finance from Emory University.

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You could always encourage them to change their perspective. Tell them to think about challenges and obstacles like a ship out on the ocean. If that ship changes its course by just 1 degree, it's going to end up in a totally different location by the time it arrives. Think about it like that. It isn't all about making major life changes or accomplishing giant goals. All they need to do is make small, minor changes.