How to Meet Women After a Divorce

Don’t rush into a relationship.^[1] Some people have a hard time being single after many years of marriage. Do not let your desire for a romantic partner cloud your judgment. If you feel you are still not emotionally healed or grieving over the loss of your marriage, take some time to let the pain subside.

• If you often find your thoughts dwelling on your past relationship or things your former spouse would do, you are probably not ready for a new relationship.^[2]
• If you are not truly over your past relationship, you might end up (consciously or unconsciously) entering a new relationship as a temporary distraction. Doing so will be unhealthy for you and the woman you date.
• Look for women with whom you are compatible to have a healthy, long-term relationship.

Try a dating website. Sites like OKCupid, Match.com, and eHarmony are among the top sites for meeting singles online. You can specify what your marital status is as well as your age, race, and other personal stats. These sites will give you a quick way to meet many different women from your area.^[3]

• Choose a flattering but accurate picture of yourself. Don’t use blurry or old photos, and choose a picture in which you’re smiling.
• Describe your interests and personality. Be specific. For instance, don’t write that you like travel and movies; write instead that you enjoyed China and want to go back, and think Stanley Kubrick’s work is brilliant.
• Be wary when meeting women online. Always use caution when meeting people you do not know well or have not met in person.

Ask your friends to introduce you to single women. After a divorce, you should count on your friends for emotional support to help you pull through. As you begin to heal more fully and prepare to re-enter the dating world, your friends can help you out again. Since your friends know you better than anyone, they’ll have a good sense of what kind of woman you’re compatible with.

• Request your closest friends to keep an eye out for women you should meet. For instance, you might say to a friend, “It’s hard to meet women around here. If you know anyone I might be interested in, please let me know.” If they know someone they think you’d get on well with, meet them for coffee or lunch along with your mutual friend. If things go well, ask the woman for their contact info and arrange a more private date.
• For instance, you might, at the end of a successful meet-up with your friend and his or her female acquaintance, say, “Well, this has been great. We should do this again next week.” If you can get your friend to play along, hopefully they will suggest they are unavailable for meeting-up next week. That leaves the ball in the woman’s court.
• If she, too, indicates she is unavailable next week, leave it to her to suggest another occasion when you might meet either one-on-one or with your mutual friend.

Don’t limit yourself to typical places. While meeting women in bars, nightclubs, and dance halls are the standard locales in which to meet women, open yourself to the possibility of meeting women in other places too. Grocery stores, libraries, coffee shops, and the gym are all great locations for meeting single women after your divorce.^{[4] [5]}

• For instance, if you’re at the grocery store and you and a woman are both checking out the freezer containing vegan pizza, chances are that you both share some very specific ideological viewpoints and (possibly) a set of similar interests. Chat her up about her interest in veganism and invite her over to share a tasty pizza pie.
• Don’t be shy. Meeting women outside of bars and the usual singles haunts can provide friendship, even if a romantic relationship doesn’t develop.

Meet single parents through your kids. If you have children who participate in community events or sports, attend their games or events. Other single parents might also be in attendance. For instance, if your child plays basketball, you might find single mothers in the stands nearby. Smile and make friendly small talk. For example, you might say, “Wow, that was a great pitch,” or “The opposing team is a really good.” After a few games, ask if she and her child would like to go out after the game with you and your child.^[6] You could say, “Gee these girls have played really well. I think they deserve a reward. Who wants some Yummy Pan Pizza?”

Ask out women you’re interested in. There are many ways to ask for a date. A good indirect way is to make it seem like the date is their idea. For instance, you might ask a woman, “Are there any good movies playing this weekend?” If she replies, for instance, “Yes, ‘Alien Attack’ is playing at the theatre not far from here,” you should follow up with, “Wow, I’ve been looking forward to it, we should go tomorrow night.”

• Another technique is to make the date an opportunity not to be missed. For instance, you might ask a woman out by inquiring, “Have you eaten at Tasty Sandwich Shop? It has an excellent lunch menu.” She might reply, “No, I have not, but I’d like to.” In this case, follow up with “Great, let’s go together. How about tomorrow at noon?”
• You don’t have to look at every opportunity to spend time with women as a date. Use the above examples to hang out with women you have only a platonic interest in as well.
• Be creative with your invitations for dates. Use your own circumstances and your knowledge of the woman in question to make the right invitation.
• Don’t be afraid of rejection. Sometimes people really can’t meet for any number of reasons. Don’t assume they’re just making an excuse. Wait for them to make a counter-offer, though, before making another pass.
• For instance, if one woman you’ve met says she has to go to class and can’t meet, wait for her to suggest an alternate date idea before asking her out again. At that point, she knows you’re interested and will reciprocate when and if she is ready.