How to Attract a Recently Divorced Woman

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Eric McClure

Last Updated: October 23, 2022 References

If you’ve been harboring a crush for a woman and she’s suddenly available in the wake of a divorce, you may be wondering how to catch her eye. While a lot of people are scared away by the prospect of a divorced partner, there’s actually a ton of upside here! Divorced women have been through a lot, but they’re probably going to be more responsible, well-put together, and emotionally stable than someone who has never experienced marriage. They’re also going to be down for a new adventure since they’ll be seeking out some fun after a tough experience, so your relationship will never be boring!^{[1]
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Research source} If you’re trying to win the heart of a woman who has just ended a marriage, you’re in luck. Here are the best practices when it comes to landing the gal of your dreams in the wake of a divorce.

1

Take it slow and become friends.

She’s likely going through a hard time, so don’t be pushy. How a divorce plays out from her perspective should guide the way you go about attracting her. If she seems really down, she’s told you she’s struggling, or you get the overall vibe that she’s under a lot of stress, just be supportive and develop a friendship. Trying to build a relationship too early will make it seem like you don’t care about her feelings, and she’ll be more likely to shut you down if she isn’t ready for anything.^{[2]
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- If she wants to vent about her divorce, let her. Even if it kind of stings a bit as you hear your crush talking about another guy/girl, it’s important to be there for her.
- Divorce is pretty time consuming. If you make your move when she’s still working through the divorce, she may shut you down just purely because a relationship is impractical!

2

Be a supportive force in her life.

Divorce is hard, so make things easy for her by being there. If she wants to spend a weekend with her kids, tell her you understand and respect that. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, be there for her. Divorce is extremely difficult, and if you want her to look at you with positive, loving eyes, you need to be as supportive as possible.^{[3]
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- This applies to whether you’ve taken her on a date or not. Just be a productive, helpful person. She’ll appreciate it, and you’ll avoid getting the cold shoulder.
- Ask her if she needs anything! Shoot her a text like, “Hey, I know you’re going through a lot and I’ve been thinking of you. Is there anything I can do?”

3

Be fun to hang out with.

She’ll be dealing with a lot of un-fun stuff, so be a joyful alternative. If you’re going out to do something interesting, invite her. She’s probably going to be looking for something to distract her from the divorce, and being that escape is a great way to attract her. Throw out suggestions like, “Hey, want to come to a carnival this weekend with my friends?” Even if she declines, she’ll appreciate the gesture.^{[4]
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- Be casual and low-key about it. If she declines an offer, tell her, “No worries!” and move on. If you’re too pushy, she may feel like you’re putting pressure on her.

4

Look and smell your best.

Divorced or not divorced, women want a partner who looks good. Divorced women are less likely to look at you as a potential partner if you have a sloppier look since it can read as kind of immature. They’re going to be more interested in someone who has their stuff together, so make a good impression! It’s totally okay if you’ve got more of a laid back vibe, but just make sure you’re looking your best when it comes to your outfit, hair, and overall hygiene.^{[5]
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- Women want a partner who smells nice. If you aren’t in the habit of wearing cologne or perfume, now is a good time to start!
- You shouldn’t put on an act or dress in a dramatically different style—a divorced woman is wise enough to see through an act. Just make sure your clothes are clean, fit well, and that you aren’t hanging out with them in sweatpants and flip flops.

5

Give yourself a quick confidence boost with a mantra.

The more confident you appear, the more likely she’ll be attracted to you. If you’re feeling a little shaky about approaching her, give your self-esteem a big boost. In the moment, try repeating a productive phrase over and over again (out loud or in your head). This will give you a quick boost of positive energy!^{[6]
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- You could use something like, “I am good enough. I am smart enough,” or, “Nothing bad will happen. I’ve got this.”
- Alternatively, you can flex in a mirror to strike a power pose and give your confidence a big temporary boost. It sounds silly, but it’s scientifically proven to work!^{[7]
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  Trustworthy Source
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}

6

Flirt without the cheese.

Smile, compliment her outfit, and be as genuine as possible. If you have an established relationship, you could even try “accidentally” brushing against her or holding a hug for a little longer than you normally would to see how she responds. A divorced woman is unlikely to want to waste any time with someone too immature to treat her seriously, so skip the pickup lines and cliché phrases.^{[8]
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- Avoid overtly-sexual or romantic compliments. A recently divorced woman is going to be weary of getting into anything with a guy or gal who doesn’t have the tact to recognize that they’re probably not in the headspace for a quick fling.

7

Engage in meaningful conversations.

Nothing pumps the brakes on an attraction faster than boredom. If you want her to be drawn to you, connect on a deeper level. Ask her about her dreams, hobbies, and beliefs. Get spiritual and philosophical if the conversation turns that way. People tend to be happier when they’re social and engaging in deep conversation, and she’ll be more attracted to you if you make her happy!^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- You could try throwing out a fun hypothetical to get things started. Questions like, “If you were trapped on a desert island, what five things would you bring with you?” and “If you could be reincarnated as an animal, which one would you choose?” are fun ways to get things started.

8

Be yourself and be authentic.

A divorced woman will see through any charades, so don’t play games. Skip the pickup tricks, life hacks, and “you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen” gag. A divorced woman has loved and lost—she can spot games from a mile away. If she asks you if you like her, don’t play hard to get.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.} If she tells you she isn’t interested in dating right now, don’t read too deeply into it—she’s saying what she means.^{[11]
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- If you aren’t ready for a serious relationship, be clear about it up front. If you’re looking to find Ms. Right, be honest about that, too.
- So long as you’re honest, sincere, and genuine, you shouldn’t raise any red flags in her book.

9

Make sure you’re serious if she has kids.

If she has children, take things extremely slow and tread lightly. It will be unfair to her if you put yourself out there like you’re interested but you aren’t ready for anything serious and she has children. It can be damaging to bring a new partner around your children if that partner is just going to disappear in the future, so make sure you’re ready for something serious.^{[12]
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- If you’re only interested in a fling, make it extremely clear and don’t insert yourself into her personal life.
- Let her bring up her kids in the context of your relationship. If you start talking about being around her kids but she just thinks this is a casual fling, it might scare her off.

10

Ask her out directly when she seems ready.

If she seems interested and available, go for it! At some point, she’ll likely go from mourning her marriage to feeling a newfound freedom. This is your opportunity to finally ask her out. Approach her in a low-stakes and straightforward way, and be up front about your interest in her.^{[13]
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- You might say, “I apologize if this is too upfront, but I think you’re a wonderful person and I’d love to take you out sometime.”
- For a more casual approach, you could ask, “Hey, do you want to grab a drink this weekend? Just you and me. Let’s hit the town together.”
- Divorce can be a disillusioning process. If she is coming out of the marriage knowing exactly what she wants, she probably isn’t going to mind if you’re a little forward or practical about this. Even if she turns you down or says it’s “not the right time,” she won’t hold it against you and may consider it in the future.

11

Treat her like you would any other partner.

If you do get your foot in the door, don’t treat her differently. Divorcees often feel like they’re tainted, and if she has children, she might be scared about how you’re going to react to her situation. Don’t make a big deal out of any of it. Make her feel like you don’t mind any baggage she might have by treating her like a regular person.^{[14]
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- She’s likely going to have all kinds of complicated and confused feelings in the aftermath of her divorce, so she’ll appreciate the stability and normalcy.
- If you ask her out and she goes, “I’d love to, but I have kids and I’m getting divorced, and…” just hit her back with, “Totally. I don’t mind any of that. I’d still like to take you out. If you’re too busy though, I totally get it.”

Warnings

It’s totally okay to find divorcees attractive. There are definitely reasons they’d make good romantic partners (they’re experienced, they can commit, someone else thought they were cute enough to marry).^{[20]
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Research source} Just make sure that you’re not fetishizing it or treating her like a sexual conquest.

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If you aren’t sure whether you’re ready for something serious but she is, talk to her about it before you let things get too hand. She may be down for a quick fling after a long, arduous divorce, but if you assume that’s the case and it’s not, she may be really hurt and things could get messy.^{[21]
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