How to Manage a Lazy Husband

Written by Michelle Joy, MA, MFT | Edited by Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: December 13, 2022 References

You love your husband, but you can’t help but notice his lazy behavior. Is he purposefully not helping with the chores, or is he simply lazy by nature? Either way, his lack of contribution leaves you feeling as tired as he looks! In this article, we’ll uncover the signs and traits of a lazy husband and explain how to deal with them. With our help, you’ll be able to manage a lazy husband with communication and devotion.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Michelle Joy. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Watch for excuses, carelessness, and deliberate messes, as these could be signs of a lazy husband.
Manage a lazy husband by communicating honestly and being patient with him and yourself.
Lazy behavior could be a part of your husband’s personality or a sign of mental distress.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs of a Lazy Husband

1
He always claims he’s tired. No matter what you ask your husband to do, he’ll say, “Not now. I’m tired.” This doesn’t just mean chores or household tasks; it also includes your emotional needs. Your husband’s probably lazy if he repeatedly pushes aside having a conversation or going out with you without a reasonable explanation.
- Try not to confuse this with procrastination, as laziness and procrastination are two different things.^{[1]
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- A procrastinating husband will postpone a chore, conversation, or date, whereas a lazy husband will never intend to make up or complete a task.
2
He leaves a mess wherever he goes. If your husband’s lazy, he’ll most likely upset any cleaning you’ve done. Maybe that’s tossing clothes on the ground, leaving food and/or empty plates around, or dusting crumbs onto the floor. Being a little messy isn’t a crime, but if he has no intention to clean up his mess, he’s most likely lazy.

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3
He does everything to avoid chores. A lazy husband will make any excuse not to do the household work or duties because he lacks motivation.^{[2]
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Research source} Maybe he wants to finish the show he’s watching, suddenly needs to make a phone call, or is in the middle of something.
- Give your husband the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions.
- Ask yourself, “Is his excuse valid, or is it a cop-out?”
4
He doesn’t volunteer to help. Whether you’re cooking dinner, folding laundry, or helping the kids with their homework, a lazy husband will sit back and watch. If your husband is truly lazy, he won’t offer a helping hand with the fear that you’ll say you do need help.
5
He diminishes your work. A lazy husband might claim that the chores and work you do for the relationship or family is “simple” or “not hard at all,” yet he won’t step up to do it himself. With this in mind, your husband may also put his work before yours, claiming that what he does is much more important.^{[3]
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- Taking care of a house and/or family is important, so don’t let his hurtful words waver your confidence.
- If you feel under-appreciated in your relationship, reach out to someone you trust (like a friend or therapist) to talk through your emotions.

Section 2 of 3:

How to Deal with a Lazy Husband

1
Tell him how you feel. Communication and honesty are the glue to any relationship. If you think your husband isn’t contributing enough, express how you feel. He won’t be able to fix his lazy ways unless he knows they’re upsetting. Use a calm tone, discuss your frustrations using “I” statements, and tell him what you need. You may say something like:
- “I want us to be more active together. Maybe we can go on evening walks around the neighborhood. It could help us both get moving and stick to a schedule.”
- “I do most of the cleaning when you’re at work, but I’d love it if you could help out more when you are here.”
- “I feel like a lot has been put on my shoulders lately. Would you be able to run errands tomorrow?”
- “I’d really appreciate it if you picked up the kids tomorrow. It would be a big help, and they like spending more time with you.”
2
Actively listen to him. Laziness isn’t always a black and white matter. Your husband may be going through something personal or hit a mental block. After you express your concerns, offer him support by listening actively and asking questions.
- Ask your husband if he’s feeling okay or if there’s anything he wants to talk about.
3
Divide the household responsibilities. A husband may avoid household work because he simply doesn’t enjoy the task. Sit down with your husband and make a list of all the chores and duties that must be done. Ask your husband what tasks he likes and dislikes. Then, discuss how you could both take turns or divide the tasks in half, considering your likes, dislikes, strengths, and schedules.
- For example, if your husband doesn’t get home until after the grocery store closes, maybe you should be in charge of picking up the weekly groceries.
- If you have a bad shoulder, perhaps your husband can take on the vacuuming duties.
- Not many people like doing chores, but giving someone a choice to pick what they’d rather do can be a big motivator.
- Try making a chore chart, so you both stay responsible for your duties.
4
Be kind and considerate with him. Having a lazy husband may have you feeling high-strung, but being negative won’t solve anything. Rather than raising your voice or criticizing his behavior, keep your cool with a calm, compassionate demeanor. Avoid pointing fingers and focus on reasoning over blame.
- If you start to feel hot-headed, that’s okay. Take a deep breath and remove yourself from the situation, returning when you can express your thoughts rationally and calmly.
5
Praise and appreciate him. Your husband most likely wants to be the hero—your knight in shining armor—and making him feel like one can encourage him to help out a bit more. Acknowledge when he does the smallest favor or chore, shower him with praise, and emphasize that there are tasks you’d never be able to do without him. Help him see that his strengths and values are needed.^{[4]
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- For instance, you could carry the groceries in from the car by yourself, but you need his strong muscles.
- You could spray the house for bugs, but you need his courage and bravery because those spiders are scary.
6
Avoid picking up after him. Some husbands may not even realize they’re being lazy, especially if the mess they’ve made is tidied right away. Do your best not to clean up after him. Let the laundry sit by his side of the bed or the leftover plate rest on the table. This may make him realize that he’s creating a messy environment.
- Try avoiding small tasks or chores over time to get his attention.^{[5]
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- For example, maybe you don’t wash his towels after you’ve asked him to help with laundry. This way, he’ll have to help if he wants to dry off with a clean towel.
- If he enjoys watching a streaming service but fails to pay the bill on time, let the subscription expire so he’ll have to pay the bill himself.
7
Be patient and lower your expectations. Practicing patience can help you stay calm, cool, and collected when dealing with a lazy husband. After you’ve addressed your concerns and devised a plan together, give your husband time to alter his actions and behavior. Avoid comparing his progress to others, and consider starting fresh with little to no expectations. Remember, people don’t change overnight—it takes time.^{[6]
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- Accept the current situation with your husband and plan to move forward.
- Try to resist the urge to rush him—everyone works at their own pace.

Section 3 of 3:

Why are husbands lazy?

Laziness could be natural or a sign of a deeper issue. A husband may simply prefer lounging on the couch rather than cleaning up, or perhaps he’s going through something mentally that’s blocked his motivation.^{[7]
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Research source} Either way, it’s important to be understanding and sympathetic—remember, communication is the key to any relationship!
- At the end of the day, he’s your husband, and with these new managing skills, you can help motivate him to be the best version of himself.