How to Make a Narcissist Addicted to You

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 13, 2022 References

Want to turn the tables on a narcissist? While it might seem like a narcissist is only capable of being addicted to themselves, it actually is possible to intrigue them enough to be addicted to you. In this article, we’ll give you everything you need to know about a narcissist’s behavior so you can get them to become obsessed with you.

1

Ignore them sometimes.

Narcissists thrive off of attention, so make them work for it. When a narcissist walks into the room, don’t immediately run up and say hello—instead, wait for them to come to you. When a narcissist texts you, wait a couple of hours before giving them a response. This waiting game is sure to make them squirm, and they won’t be able to resist trying to grab your attention.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- To make a narcissist addicted to you, don’t ignore them completely. However, let them know that they aren’t going to get your attention immediately or all of the time.

2

Be confident.

Narcissists are drawn to confident people because they themselves have low self-esteem.^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} When you walk into a room, keep your head held high and look other people in the eye. Go up to people first and introduce yourself to command the room. Even if you don’t feel totally confident, you can fake it until you make it.
- Keep in mind that narcissists will usually attempt to make you feel less than them. Just remember that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their lack of self-esteem.

3

Hang out with your friends a lot.

Devote your time to other people to make a narcissist jealous. In relationships, narcissists usually want to be the only person you’re spending time with.^{[3]
X
Research source} Instead of ditching your friends, make it a point to hang out with them, then tell the narcissist all about it. They’ll probably feel jealous and a little protective, and they’ll work even harder for your attention.
- Try taking pictures with your friends and posting them on social media for an easy way to show off how much fun you’re having.

4

Be hot and cold with them.

Confuse a narcissist by changing your behavior day by day. Keep them on their toes by complimenting them and fawning over them one day, then completely ignoring them the next. Narcissists don’t know how to handle someone they can’t control, so they’ll feel confused yet intrigued about your behavior.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you could bring them a coffee one day and then completely walk past them without saying hi the next day.
- Or, you could text them back quickly one day and then leave them on read for the next week.

5

Change your plans at the last minute.

Take away the narcissist’s control by being spontaneous. You’ve probably noticed that the narcissist in your life loves changing up plans at the last second. This is because it gives them utter control over everyone around them.^{[5]
X
Research source} You can give them a taste of their own medicine by changing the plans yourself so that you have the control. Not only will this frustrate a narcissist, but it might even impress them a little.
- “I know we had reservations at 7, but I called and canceled them. Let’s go to the food carts instead.”
- “Actually, I don’t want to go to the beach today. Let’s just stay in and be lazy.”

6

Be dramatic.

Narcissists feed off of drama, so play into that. You’ve probably noticed that the narcissist in your life loves when crazy stuff happens. This is because they lack empathy for other people. Try feeding into their love of drama by sharing stories from your friend group or talking about something crazy that happened at work. Even if they can’t participate in it, a narcissist loves hearing about other people’s business.^{[6]
X
Research source}

7

Encourage them to change.

Point out their bad behavior to change them in positive ways. Narcissists have over-inflated egos, which often means they consider themselves to be the epitome of perfection.^{[7]
X
Research source} Try pointing out the things they might do to become a better person to encourage them to change their ways.^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} This will make them feel insecure, but it might also make them work a little harder to please you.
- “I didn’t like it when you yelled at me earlier. It made me feel pretty bad.”
- “When you call me names, it makes me feel belittled.”
- Not all narcissists can change their behavior, but some can learn how to empathize with others.^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  Go to source}

8

Make them dependent on you.

Get the narcissist to chase you by getting them to rely on you. Contrary to popular belief, narcissists can become codependent, too.^{[10]
X
Research source} When you’re with the narcissist in your life, do things for them that you’re super good at (or they just don’t want to do). You might pick up groceries for them, wash their dishes, or help them with homework. After you’ve done that for a while, stop doing it cold turkey, and wait for the narcissist to beg you to come back.
- When they ask you for your help, drive your point home by saying something like, “Wow, you really can’t live without me, can you?”

9

Let them control you a little.

Narcissists are attracted to people they can manipulate.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} If you want to draw a narcissist in, make it seem like you’re falling for their charm. Let them tell you what to wear, what to eat, or how to speak—then, completely brush them off and tell them that you don’t care about their opinion.
- Keep in mind that control can also be a form of abuse.^{[12]
  X
  Research source} If your partner is controlling you and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

10

Put effort into your appearance.

Narcissists love being with someone who makes them look good. You don’t have to change up your look completely, but try to dress with current fashion trends in mind. Put on makeup if you wear it, make sure your hair looks nice, and keep your head held high. The better you look, the more a narcissist will want you.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Narcissists are obsessed with their image and how they appear to others, which is why it’s so important for them to have a classically good-looking partner.

11

Break up with them.

Narcissists can’t stand it when someone discards them. A narcissist’s typical cycle goes something like this: reel someone in with compliments, start berating or insulting them, then break things off with them. You can disrupt that cycle by cutting things off before a narcissist has a chance to. They’ll be pretty upset, and they’ll wonder why, exactly, you didn’t fall for their charming ways.
- Try to break things off with a narcissist before they get to the devaluing and belittling phase. Hearing bad things about yourself, especially from your partner, can be very damaging.