How to Make a Girl Be Comfortable Around You

Co-authored by JT Tran

Last Updated: February 25, 2023 References

Befriending or starting a relationship with a girl can be a difficult experience at first. Once you get her to feel comfortable around you, though, you can have a lot of fun together. To get to that point, talk to her and do fun activities with her now. If you show confidence now and have positive experiences with her, you can make her feel comfortable around you more quickly.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Approaching the Girl

1
Clean yourself up. First impressions make a difference. Good hygiene shows that you take care of yourself. Take a shower every morning. Wash your hair, put on deodorant, and possibly use a small amount of cologne or perfume. Bad odors, among other problems, are distracting and cause people to not want to be around you.
- When you use cologne or perfume, add only a small amount to your neck, chest, and shoulders. She should be able to smell it up close without it overwhelming her senses.
2
Dress well. Clothes and hairstyle are also factors in how people judge you. If your hair is long and greasy and you wear stained sweatpants, chances are the girl will think of you in a negative way, making her feel uncomfortable. Buy yourself clothes that flatter your figure. A style that looks unique on you without being too flashy will help her appreciate you.
- Not only will this help you seem more attractive, but it will help you feel more confident, too.^{[1]
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  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
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3
Approach with confidence. If you don’t feel comfortable, chances are she won’t feel comfortable either. Anytime you seek her out, display your best self. This means going up to her, maintaining eye contact, and speaking loudly and clearly. To do this, practice being natural. Look into a mirror as you speak, maintaining eye contact with yourself.^{[2]
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- Even if you feel nervous around her, slow down. Breathe deeply, speak slowly, relax, and focus on her. Be your natural self.^{[3]
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- If you’re going to be at the same place a girl is, such as school or a party, try getting to the place early. This gives you time to get accustomed to the environment before it becomes more crowded and busy.
- Avoid any bad habits that would make her uncomfortable, such as swearing, telling inappropriate jokes, or fidgeting.
- It can be off-putting if you approach a girl like you're asking her permission or you need her approval. Take a moment to remind yourself that spending time around a cute girl is a fun, positive experience, and there's no need to feel intimidated or anxious.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
4
Start a conversation. Start with small questions, such as “That’s a nice tattoo, what does it mean?” Avoid asking deep questions, as these are too personal too soon. Instead, let her answer and then add to the conversation, such as by talking about something a little personal such as your own tattoos.^{[5]
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- If she seems shy, try talking about yourself for a while, like how much you love to travel. Then, transition that into asking questions about her, like where she'd go if she could travel anywhere.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
5
Respect her personal space. Everyone has boundaries about how physically close someone cannot be. Moving into this space too fast and being unwelcome is a sure way to make a girl feel uncomfortable. Especially early on, avoid standing too close, putting your face near hers, or touching sensitive areas such as the face. Bad touches feel uncomfortable, but welcome touches associate you with positive emotions.^{[7]
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- As you get to know her better, add positive touches such as putting a hand across her shoulder to shield her when moving through a crowd at a concert. If she seems physically and emotionally comfortable with that, it's okay to continue doing that, but if she seems uncomfortable, pull back a bit.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  JT Tran
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.}
- Other positive touches include touching her elbow when making a point or brushing her back and sides when laughing together.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Building Familiarity

1
Spend time with her. Once you’ve established a base, find ways to be near her. This can be as simple as a shared activity such as lunch at school, or you can do an activity that you both enjoy. By talking to her, find out her interests and spend time together building positive, memorable experiences. Try to go to different places and have different experiences, as these stand out more than spending several hours watching TV at home.^{[9]
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- An easy way to spend time together is if you belong to the same group. Spending time with shared friends, doing a school activity, or doing a hobby together are all options that take some of the pressure off of you to be entertaining.
- Even if you’re interested in her romantically, don’t suggest that she go on a date with you. You’re better served building up emotional comfort without revealing a motive, as this shows you value her as an individual.
2
Don’t judge her. There are many ways you can inadvertently end up making a judgment that makes her feel uncomfortable. Try to avoid making jokes at the expense of her interests. If she’s quiet, don’t bring up her quietness or force her to be around people all the time. Instead, it’s better for you to be patient and funny in a way that shows you accept her.^{[10]
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- Instead of saying, “Wow, comic books are for nerds” or “Why are you so quiet?” talk to her about comic books or make commentary about the cafeteria food you’re eating.
- This applies too to her goals in life. If she wants to be a photographer, encourage her no matter what you think of the choice.
3
Become trustworthy. Be the kind of person that she can confide in. This means not giving up her secrets. She may start off by telling you something in confidence. Don’t talk behind her back and don’t tell your friends. Once she knows you won’t break her trust, she’ll feel closer to you because she’ll be able to tell you more of her deeper thoughts and feelings.
- If you want to be more than friends with her, limit your availability. You need to be trusted, but you can’t become someone she talks to about her relationship problems or issues she doesn’t want to tell her relationship partner.
- Always avoid being the kind of person that’s there to provide money or food. Someone who frequently asks you to do this is using you.
4
Show sincere interest. Once you’ve begun building up trust between you, have deeper discussions when the timing is right. Ask her questions such as what career she wants in the future. When you do this, listen actively. Put down your phone, hear what she’s saying, and try to remember it. This shows that you care about her as a person.^{[11]
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- Remember important dates such as her birthday. Many people have a tendency to forget, so it will be impressive to her when you display consideration.
5
Avoid making her feel pressured. She’ll have a lot of pressures in life, including from friends and family. Don’t add to it. Never put her into a spot where she’d have to make a difficult decision, such as forcing her to leave a relationship. Give her some personal space.^{[12]
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- Don’t smother her with attention by calling or texting every day and spending all your time near her.
- Remember to live your life outside of your connection to her. Talk to other people. Take care of responsibilities such as school.

Expert Q&A
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Question

My girlfriend is really nervous about physical affection. What can I do to make her more comfortable?

JT Tran
Dating Coach
JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.

JT Tran

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Start slowly. For instance, if you touch her hand, pay attention to whether she responds positively. If she seems physically and emotionally comfortable, you can take the lead and escalate your flirtation.
Question

My girlfriend likes me but she told my friend that she likes him. What should I do?

Community Answer

She's your girlfriend, so have her decide what she wants. If she won't give you an answer, get away from her. Show her you can find a new girlfriend and don't need to rely on her. Alternatively, if there's something she needs that she gets from your friend and not you, fix that first.
Question

Myself and a girl I like have been friends for a really long time. She even calls me her BFF, but I want to take the relationship to a new level. Any advice?

Community Answer

Stop being her best friend. It's possible you can outright tell her you want a relationship, but it sounds like you're in the friend zone. Instead, a good course of action for you is to create some distance between the two of you. See other girls. Flirt with her a little and see how she responds.

Warnings

Rushing to tell her how you feel often ruins the connection between you. It’s better to build those feelings in her through positive emotional experiences.

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