How to Know when Someone Likes You

Co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT

Knowing whether or not someone likes you can be difficult. If you’re afraid to ask them, there are a few things you can look out for that may be signs the other person is into you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Watching Body Language

1
Understand body language. 93% of all communication is nonverbal.^{[1]
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Research source} This is broken down to their tone of voice, face, body, and finally their words. Men and women share some forms of body language, but also have specific subconscious signals they’ll give off if they like you.
2
Detect a woman’s signals. Women are capable of over fifty signals conveyed through body language. While not all of these will be able to be detected, there are a few recognizable quirks you can find. Some of the bigger indicators to look for on a date or in conversation is:
- She’ll pull up her sleeves and expose her wrist. This is a good signal, and most women are unaware that they do this. This exposes one of the more tender and sensitive parts of the body.
- She will try to close the distance between you in some way. This can be done in many ways like moving her drink or a menu closer to you.^{[2]
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- She’ll find a way to touch you. Some women will do this smoothly. For example, she says “come here” and she’ll show you an app on her phone. Then when you’re near your bodies may touch.
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3
Detect a man’s signals. Men are less equipped with a range in body language. One signal to watch out for is when the guy pushes his shoulders back and directs his breath to his chest. Another strange one is when a guy puts his fingers through his belt loops like a cowboy.^{[3]
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4
Watch for eye contact. Eye contact is the universal body language clue that can communicate so much. Both men and women will use eye contact when they like someone. Try not to hold contact for too long, or else you might ruin the mystique around it. The biggest give away is if they look at you and you both hold eye contact for a moment and suddenly look away.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Detecting Friends’ Feelings

1
Realize friends can become "more than friends.” This is a common pattern to occur. People oftentimes think they are only friends, while one of them develops intense feelings for the other.
2
Watch for a few clear signs. Here are some signs that a friend has fallen for you:
- Touching your shoulders and ask for hugs.
- Offering their sweater or coat in a chivalrous way.
- Making jokes about the people/person you are dating.
- Inviting you over more often.
- Kissing you on the cheek or asking for kisses on the cheek.
- Asking who you like, a lot.
3
Watch for insecurities. This may go with all types of attraction, but it especially happens in a friend dynamic. They might check your reactions to things consistently. For example, they’ll look at you to see if you laugh when they make a joke.
- Be careful if you hear them talk about insecurities in their appearance. They might be self-deprecating and compare themselves to someone you find attractive.
4
Have a talk. If you find that you actually like them, then that is great and you should tell them. If, on the other hand, you just want to be friends, you’ll need to be careful.
- Honesty is the best policy. Don’t tiptoe around the elephant in the room. Be upfront about the way you feel and how much you appreciate your friendship.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Knowing the Shy and Awkward Type

1
Identify the shy type. This type isn't going to be open to you and admit they like you. These are the kind of people who occasionally make small talk with you. You might even catch them looking at you once in a while.
- Usually, these types of people don’t date often. When they do, they tend to hold onto a relationship for a while.
- You can usually tell this type by the way they act around their friends in comparison to being around crushes.^{[5]
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2
Look for signs that they like you. These people aren’t being deliberately shy. Some people don’t have as much confidence. You shouldn’t dismiss them because of it. A shy or awkward person might show you they like you when:
- They say hey occasionally, but say it quietly where you can hardly understand them.
- They might blush when you talk to them or touch them.
- You catch them staring at you. If they turn away when they noticed you're looking at them, they were looking at you.
- They may ask you for help on things they already know the answer to.^{[6]
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3
Notice if they look for attention. Someone who likes you may do something to have you notice them. Watch if they talk louder when you're nearby, or starts laughing with their friends when you’re around.
- They may not talk to you on a social website, but they’ll "like" a bunch of things you do online.
4
Realize that some people are afraid of rejection. Some people will do almost nothing to show you they like you because they are afraid of rejection and heartbreak.
- This happens often with younger people who haven’t realized rejection is part of life.
5
Watch for the signs. Even though this type of person won’t be too obvious, there are still clues to tell they like you. Pay attention for the following signals:
- Bumping into you slightly just to be able to touch you.
- Taking the seat beside you even though there are other choices. If they're brave, they might even inch closer to you over time.
- Being the first to notice when you are sad or upset since they pay attention to you.^{[7]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Spotting the Blatant Crush

1
Know the type. Some people don’t put up with the "do they like you" game and go straight for the punch. Some people just aren't shy at all! This type might be the “player” who is just good at saying things you want to hear.^{[8]
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- Be suspicious of this type if they pull out a stock of pick-up lines and you feel them trying to manipulate you.
2
Spot the signs. Whether or not you want them to like you, you need to handle it with respect. Nobody likes a jerk. Here are some signals that they like you:
- They constantly talk to you to the point where it's on the border of being annoying.
- They blush at the smallest things you do or say to them.
- You catch them staring at you and then smiling or making a funny face when you notice.
- They show no fear of starting a conversation.
- They might ask you to hang out and/or give you their number.^{[9]
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3
Decide who’ll make a move. Never feel the need to wait around if you like someone. Waiting for the other person to ask you out is overrated. Take advantage of the life you’re given. Invite them out for coffee or to go catch a movie.
- If you’re not interested and you know they like you, don't ignore them! Be open and honest about your feelings. Treat them with respect and don’t lead them on.^{[10]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if your friend likes you but is hiding it?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

Get a better sense of the person's feelings with some low-pressure alone time. Coffee and brunch are good low-stakes get-togethers to ask them too! A situation like this doesn't have as much pressure as a "typical" date, but gives you time to interact one-on-one. If it goes well, you can then ask if the person wants to meet up again for a date!

Warnings

If you're relying on gut instinct, be careful to not let your own confirmation bias get in your way in reading a person's feelings. You can avoid a lot of disappointment this way.

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Don’t believe someone if they say your crush likes you. If you do then you might get embarrassed knowing that they don’t like you back. You need to find out more information before you confirm it.

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