How to Know if He's Really Into You

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: May 5, 2022 References Approved

Do you have a crush on an amazing guy and wonder if he feels the same way? If so, then don't worry -- help is on the way. If you want to know if he's really into you, then you have to pay close attention to what he does, what he says, and how he acts around you. As long as you do this without being too obvious about it, you'll soon be on your way to knowing how he really feels. See Step 1 to get started and to find out how your crush really feels today.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Noticing What He Does

1
Watch his body language. Body language can often give a guy's true feelings away -- no matter how hard he tries to hide them. Though body language tricks don't always tell you exactly how a guy feels, they can definitely predict whether or not he views you in a romantic light. Here are some signs that may mean he's really into you:^{[1]
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- He turns his hips toward you even if he's facing the other direction.
- He will look up at you, smile, and look back down.
- If he catches you looking at him, he'll smile.
- He never puts his hands in his pockets or crosses his arms while talking to you.
- He may lean toward you when he speaks.
- He may turn his feet toward you. If he turns them away from you when you're sitting down next to each other, then he may not be interested.
- He may accidentally brush up against you when you're talking, or touch you lightly with his hands.
2
Notice when he goes out of his way for you. If he takes a longer route to class just to walk past you, or if he offers to walk you to a class that's nowhere near his next one, he probably likes you. He may even make excuses for why he's suddenly near you, like asking to borrow a book you know he owns. This will be his way of letting you know he wants to spend more time around you.^{[2]
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- See if he offers you a ride home though he lives on the other side of town.
- See if he waits around, seemingly for no reason, until you show up.
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3
Notice if he treats you differently from his friends. The bigger the difference, the bigger your advantage. For example, he might burp or swear in front of his friends, but try really hard not to do those things around you. If he's trying to be on his best behavior, he might like you. If he thinks of you as "one of the guys," then he may not try to act super refined around you.^{[3]
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- If he treats you just like a pal, cursing, belching, and telling you about the people he has crushes on, then you may have entered the "Friend Zone."
4
See if he's nice to your friends. If you're hanging out with your friends and the guy comes along, pay attention to how he treats them. If he's into you, then he'll want to make a strong impression on your friends so that they'll tell you how awesome he is. Guys know that people like to talk, and if he likes you, he'll be smart enough not to give your friends the cold shoulder. The next time he goes up to you and your friends, see if he becomes extra courteous to them and goes out of his way to be nice to them.
- The same goes for your family members. If he sees you around your parent(s) or siblings and tries extra hard to be nice, he may be doing it because he likes you.
5
See if he wants you to meet his friends. If he's into you, then he'll want to show you off. If he's secretive about going off to meet his friends, then it may be because he likes just having guy time -- or because he likes guy time because it lets him hit on people. But if he does want to introduce you to his friends, it's a great sign. It means that he wants to show you off -- and that he doesn't think you'll get in the way of any potential womanizing.^{[4]
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- There is one exception to this rule, however: he may not want you to meet his friends because he's too embarrassed of them!
6
See if he's always doing you favors. If he's into you, then he'll go out of his way to do nice things for you. He may pick up lunch for you when you're having a busy day, he may get the homework assignments for you if you're sick from school, or he may give you a ride when you need one. Think about it: is he just a really nice guy, or is his behavior toward you suggesting something more? If he's always doing nice things for you and doesn't seem to be picking up lunch for anyone else, then chances are it's because he's really into you.
- He may even text you asking if he can help you with something small just as an excuse to talk to you. If he tries to spend as much time around you as possible, even if it's through helping you out, then he's definitely into you.
7
See if he always ends up by your side in group settings. The next time you hang out with the guy and a bunch of your friends, see if he naturally ends up gravitating toward you and giving much more attention to you than to other people. If it feels like he's always by your side in these group scenarios, then it's probably because he's into you. Otherwise, why else would he talk to you instead of his buddies or the other friends around?
- It may not happen immediately, but if you find that you two always end up having long conversations at the end of the night or sitting down next to each other when the whole gang goes out to happy hour, then this may be a sign that he's really into you.
8
See how he acts around others. This can be a big indication of how he really feels about you. If he's really just a big flirt, then he'll be treating everyone the way he treats you. If he teases, flirts, plays around with, compliments, and gives a ton of attention to everyone that comes his way along with you, then yeah, he may not be singling you out. But if you're the only person he's flirty with -- or the only person he's more reserved with -- then it may be a sign that he's into you. He may actually like you and can therefore feel too shy to really flirt with you instead of other girls he doesn't really care for.
- This can be confusing, but it makes a lot of sense. The main thing is to figure out if he treats you differently from the other people.
9
See what he does when you're apart. When you're out of sight, are you also out of mind? If you and the guy don't see each other for a while and he doesn't check in at all, then you may not be on his mind. But if you find him texting you, calling you, or just popping in to say hi when you haven't hung out in a while, then he may be really into you. The same goes for social media – if he comments on your Facebook posts or favorites your Tweets a lot, then this may be his way of letting you know he cares.
- If you're online, see if he tries to chat you on gchat or Facebook to catch up. This can be another sign that he wants something more from your relationship.
10
Notice the types of things you do together. Another way to see if he's really into you is to see if you've already been going on dates without knowing it. If a lot of your hang outs are already intimate and date like, then this may mean that he's really into you. Here are some things to look out for:
- Do you go on coffee or lunch dates? If he meets up with you during the day, not after he's had a few drinks with his buddies, then he may see you as relationship material.
- Do you hang out solo a lot? Do you go to the movies? Go for walks? Just watch TV together? Then guess what – you may already be going on dates without knowing it.
- Does he plan hanging out with you days in advance? If so, then he's really serious about making sure he spends time with you.
11
See if he tries to impress you. If he's really into you, then he may try to show off around you and to let you know how awesome, capable, and brave he is. This may be somewhat outdated and does not apply to all guys, but it may be the case that he'll try to steal the show if you're around just to make sure he catches your eye. When he's doing these things, see if he's looking over to see if you're watching. Here are some things he may do in front of you:
- Casually start showing off a talent, like dribbling a basketball or a soccer ball.
- Conveniently pick up a guitar and start strumming.
- Jump off tall structures into water to show you how brave he is.
- Challenge his friends to friendly fights or contests.
12
See if he laughs extra hard around you. Of course, you may be the next Sarah Silverman, but if he laughs around you all the time, it can also just mean that he's laughing because he's into you and is naturally a little nervous around you. If he laughs more than normal at your jokes, or even laughs a little bit at regular comments that aren't even all that funny, then this may be a sure-fire sign that he likes you.
- The next time you're together, pay attention to how much he laughs. Try to notice him with others – does he always laugh so much, or does his laughter seem to be more intense around you?
13
See if he acts nervous around you. This is a no-brainer. If he's really into you, then he may be more nervous than normal because he'll be afraid of messing up. He may laugh more, sure, but he may also stutter, forget what he was going to say, ask you the same question twice within ten minutes, repeat himself, trip over himself for no reason, or just generally act nervous and adorable because he really cares what you think of him.^{[5]
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- The next time you're around him, pay attention. Does he fidget? Does it take him a while to ask a question? Does he make self-deprecating comments? If so, then it may be because he likes you and doesn't quite know how to act.
14
See if you catch him looking at you. This is another big one. If you have a class together or if you happen to be in the same place, see if you can catch him looking at you. This is another sure-fire way to see if he has feelings for you. The only problem is, if you try to catch him staring at you all the time, then he may think that you have a crush on him…which you do! But if you can be discreet about it, try to see if he's looking at you the next time you're near each other.
- If he catches you catching him staring and blushes and looks down at the floor, then this is an extra sign that he's into you.
15
See if he starts preening around you. If he's into you, then it's only natural that he cares more about what he looks like when he's around you. You may catch him doing some of the following things when you're together:
- Running his hands through his hair
- Trying to straighten his clothes or remove any stains on them
- Discreetly checking himself out in reflections

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Noticing What He Says

1
Pay attention to how he talks to you. If a guy calls you by your nickname, comes up with a new nickname for you, or refers to you by a pet name, this is a big sign. Anything he says that makes you feel special and that shows he's taken a unique interest in you can tell you that he's really into you.
- Also watch for him saying your name more often than he absolutely needs to.
- See if he talks slowly and more softly when he addresses you. This means that he's letting his guard down because he likes you.
- See if he makes eye contact when he talks to you. Though he may look away occasionally, eye contact shows that he's paying attention to you.
- See if he asks you a lot of questions about yourself and your personal life. This means that he is interested to get to know you better.
2
Notice how long it takes him to talk to you. When you know he's in the same room with other people, pretend you don't notice he's there. See how long it takes him to spot you and how long it takes him to come over and greet you. Less than a few minutes means he's probably interested. However, if it takes him a bit longer to say hi to you, it may just be because he's really shy.
- You can also try to see how he reacts when you enter the room. Does his entire face light up, or does he barely change his expression?
3
See if he puts down other people in front of you. Anytime you hear him say anything negative about someone, it means that he sees this person as a 'threat' — especially if it's another person you know well. He clearly wants you to only pay attention to him, not anyone else. If you mention someone that might like you to him and he immediately acts suspicious, it may be because he thinks you may have romantic feelings for the other person.
- If he knows you're going on dates and often says things like, "They aren't good enough for you," then he may just be saying that he thinks that he is good enough.
- He may also tease you about liking other people you're just friends with. This could be another way for him to show that he's thinking of you romantically.
4
See if he's always teasing you. If he's really into you, then he'll be more likely to tease you all the time. You may think he's just being mean or making fun of you, but if you find that he's giving you special treatment and always teasing you, it may not be because he thinks of you as his kid sibling. If you find that he's poking you in the ribs, giving you a silly nickname, playfully making fun of your outfits, or otherwise generally teasing you, then it probably means that he's really into you. Why else would he make the effort?^{[6]
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- Teasing is a big part of flirting. You may not even realize that he thinks he's flirting with you when he's being playful.
5
See what he says to you about other people. This can be a big indication of whether or not he's really into you. He could be bragging about all how charming he is in an effort to impress you, when he really just wants you to chase after him. He could also be telling you that he just can't find the right person because he really just wants to be with you. If you find him even saying that no-one he meets is as good/interesting/good-looking as you, then yeah, he's basically telling you that he wants to date you.
- If he constantly says things like, “I can just never find the right one…” then this may be his way of telling you that this person is standing right in front of him.
6
See if he really opens up to you. If the guy is really into you, then he may start opening up to you and treating you as more than just a casual friend. (Make sure this doesn't mean he just sees you as a best friend, though.) If he wants to take things to the next level, then he may begin to tell you things that he wouldn't tell just anyone. Here are some things he may talk about with you if he's interested in you:
- His childhood
- His hopes for the future
- His relationships with his family or friends
- Some of his secretly dorky hobbies
- Anything that comes after, “I've never told anyone this before…”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Asking Him If He Likes You

1
Make sure you ask him yourself. At the end of the day, the best way to really know if he's into you is just to ask him. Don't ask his friends, don't ask your friends to ask him for you, don't ask him in a note or a text, but be brave and venture out and ask him yourself. If he's too shy to do anything, then your potential future relationship is in your hands. It's not as scary as it sounds.
2
Find the best place and time to ask him. It doesn't have to be the most perfect, magical place, but pick a place where you can have some privacy without either of your friends around and a time when he's not likely to be stressed or to rush off somewhere. If you want to up the romance factor, you can ask him in the evenings or at a place that is special to you both.^{[7]
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3
Just come right out and say it. Make some small talk but then ask him how he feels about you. You can tell him that you've developed feelings for him and just really want to know where his head is. Make eye contact, but don't put the pressure on. Try to keep it cool and ask him how he feels without putting the pressure on.
4
React appropriately. If it turns out he likes you, then you can privately celebrate. You can both decide where to go from here. And if not, it's not the end of the world, and you don't have to torture yourself by wondering what he's really thinking anymore. Be proud of yourself for being brave enough to ask him and move forward.

Community Q&A

Question

I know this boy who says he does not like me but he always asks me questions about myself. Does this mean he's really into me?

Community Answer

If he says he does not like you and he still is interested in finding out more about you, it most likely means he likes you and he's disguising it by denying his interest. Boys just act that way to be cool in front of their friend,s so if you like him that's really great! If not, that does not really matter, but at least he likes you.