How to Get a Boy to Kiss You when You're Not Dating Him

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: September 28, 2021 References Approved

Maybe you’ve had your eye on your crush for a while, or you made an instant connection with a guy and are wondering how to take it to the next level. You know you’re ready for a kiss, but how can you be sure that he is—and get him to make the first move? Sending the right hints, both physical and verbal, and picking up on clues that he’s interested too, can move your relationship from flirting to kissing in no time!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Giving Him Hints

1
Sit or stand close and touch him to show you’re comfortable with him. Sit next to him with your legs touching, bump his shoulder playfully and linger, massage his hand and move up his arm. Moving towards him and touching him lightly will show that you’re interested and ready to get a little closer!^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 31 March 2020.}

Using Body Language

Turn towards him. Face him with your whole body, or at least your head, to show that you're focused on him.

If you're sitting down, try... pulling one of your legs up on the chair, then twist your body to face him for a cool, casual posture.

Stay relaxed! Put your hands in your pockets or hold something so you don't fidget too much. Keep your shoulders relaxed, too. Show him that you're comfortable and confident!
2
Make eye contact with him and maintain it. Looking at him a lot and making eye contact is a great way to make sure his attention stays on you. Look straight into his eyes when you’re talking to let him know that you’re interested in the conversation and in him. If you’re not talking yet, try to catch his eye and smile, hold his gaze for a moment, and then look away to flirt subtly and remind him that he’s on your radar.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Don't rush to fill up pauses with conversation. If you stare into his eyes and smile, then that can help build up the romantic tension and give him a chance to just go for the kiss.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Eddy Baller
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 31 March 2020.}
Tip: A great way to flirt with just your eyes is to glance from one of his eyes to the other, then look down to his mouth. It’s a clear hint that you’re interested and want him to kiss you!

Advertisement
3
Bite your lips to draw attention to your mouth. Bite your bottom lip softly while making eye contact and giving him a small smile. You can also lick your lips or touch your mouth casually with your hand. These simple, flirty moves put his attention on your lips and encourage him to make a move.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Don’t go overboard with this! Only bite your lips 1-2 times per conversation, otherwise it might look strange.
4
Ask him to kiss you in a playful way. If all your hints still aren’t enough to encourage him to kiss you, but you can tell he’s interested, try taking it one step further. Directly asking him to kiss you might sound awkward, but if you do it in a playful, flirty way, it can come off as confident and attractive. Move a little closer and try saying something like:^{[5]
X
Research source}
- “So… are you gonna kiss me now, or what?”
- “Just wanted to say that it’s OK with me if you wanted to kiss me… that’s all…”
- “Beating around the bush is fun and all, but I think it’d be even better if you just kissed me.”
5
Look for hints that he’s interested, too. Once you’ve started hanging out, look for signs that he’s interested in you, too. This can tell you whether it’s worth it to keep angling for a kiss, or if your time is better spent somewhere else. He’s probably interested if:^{[6]
X
Research source}
- He gets as close to you as he can and even goes out of his way to do it.
- He touches you in playful, flirty ways, like tickling you, touching your arms, or brushing back your hair.
- He compliments or teases you.
- He looks at you a lot, and will glance away when you catch him looking.
- He looks directly at your lips every once in awhile.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Eddy Baller
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- He seems nervous around you, fidgeting or not talking as much.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Kissing Like a Pro

1
Keep your lips hydrated and your breath fresh if you think you’ll be kissing. You might not be able to pull out your lip balm as he’s leaning in, but try to keep your lips and breath fresh throughout the day or night if you think you might be kissing someone! Keep breath mints handy and make sure your lips stay hydrated with lip balm.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Taking the time to rub on some chapstick can also be a great way to draw his attention to your mouth and show him that kissing is on your mind.
- You can also try to stay away from garlic, onions, and processed cheese, which can make breath a little smelly. If you can’t avoid bad breath, try washing out your mouth with water and eating some breath mints or chewing gum.
2
Mirror his actions for a smooth, natural kiss. When he starts to lean in, do the same thing. If you’re not sure how much to open your mouth, follow his lead—he’s probably feeling unsure too! Stay in your own comfort zone and copy his own actions to make sure it’s a comfortable, enjoyable kiss for both of you.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Copy his actions when you can, but don’t be afraid to slow things down if he’s moving a little too fast for you.
3
Tilt your head and close your eyes. When he starts to lean in, take a quick glance to see which way he’s slanting his head. Tilt yours in the opposite direction to make sure you don’t bump noses. Let your eyes drift shut, if that feels comfortable.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Even if you’re nervous, try to move slowly and stay calm and relaxed.
4
Keep the pressure soft when you’re just starting. When you first make contact, keep it light and gentle. Keep your movements slow, just grazing his lips with yours. Starting slow is tantalizing for him and gives you a chance to see his response before you deepen the kiss.

Kissing Tips

You can try sucking on one of his lips very gently, or just pressing your lips lightly against his and kissing softly.

Keep your lips relaxed and avoid putting them into a tight pucker, which can make the kiss less romantic.

Don't stress too much! Do what feels natural—you’ll be surprised at how easy it is.
5
Rest your hands on his neck or shoulders to pull him closer. Using your hands can make the kiss feel more natural and let him know that you’re enjoying it. Rest them on his shoulders, chest, or sides of his face and gently pull him closer. For an even bolder move, try running your hands through his hair or tangling your fingers up in it.
6
Pay attention to his reaction to decide your next move. If he’s moving his mouth against yours, getting closer, or touching your face, waist, or shoulders, he’s enjoying the kiss. You can try to deepen it, or slowly pull back if you’re ready. If he’s not enjoying it, he’ll be more stiff. He might not move his lips very much, or hold his body away from yours. If this happens, simply pull back.

If he wasn’t into the kiss, you can make a quick getaway by saying something like, “OK, my friends are waiting for me. I’ll see you around.” If you want to talk more about it, say, “Is everything OK? Did this move too fast?”

If he is into the kiss, try mixing it up by applying more pressure or making the kisses a little faster. Changing the speed or intensity can keep the kiss interesting for both of you.
7
Use your tongue when you feel ready. You definitely don’t have to French kiss right away, but if you’re ready to try, go slowly and gently. Open your mouth just slightly, then lightly run your tongue over his lower lip. If you feel his lips start to part, gently move your tongue into his mouth.
- Keep your tongue in motion—don’t just let it sit in his mouth. Move it lightly and playfully, keeping your movements gentle and slow at first so you don’t overwhelm him.
8
Pull back and smile to let him know you liked the kiss. When you’re ready to end the kiss, pull away slowly and open your eyes. Take a breath, then look at him and smile. Showing him that you enjoyed the kiss will make him feel good and increase the chances of it happening again!
- You can also say something like, “That was nice,” or “I’ve been waiting for that.”
- If you want to keep the kiss going, stay standing close to him and keep touching his shoulders or his chest gently. If you want a little more space, simply take a step back.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Flirting to Get Him Interested

1
Start interesting, unique conversations with him to get to know him better. Getting to know the guy through relaxed conversations is a great way to get closer and work your way up to a kiss. Start sitting near him at lunch or during class, walking by his desk at work, or stopping by a bar or restaurant you know he likes. Strike up a casual conversation about an interesting topic, something you have in common, or something that you know he likes.^{[11]
X
Research source}

Say something like...

“You like rock climbing, right? They just installed a wall in my gym and I wanna try it out, but I’ve never done it before… any tips?”

“I can’t believe how much math homework we got today! I officially have no time to do anything else. Do you understand any of this?”

“You have a dog, right? OK, I just heard about this thing, maybe you can tell me if it’s real… Is it true they can find their way back home even after a year? This dog was lost for 10 months and just showed up in his backyard a couple days ago. That’s so crazy, right?”
2
Make fun of him lightly to keep him on his toes. Teasing a guy gently will come across as challenging in a fun way, which can make him eager to impress you. Tease him or make fun, playful bets to show him that you’re interested and keep him talking to you. Try something like:^{[12]
X
Research source}
- “They gave you so many fries! There’s no way you’ll finish all those. Go ahead and give me half right now.”
- “Let me guess how long it took you to do the Spanish homework last night… 10 minutes? You’re really off your game. I was expecting 5 minutes at most.”
3
Say hi and smile when you see each other. Once you’ve started talking a little more, make a point to smile at him or even say hi whenever you see each other. Give him a wave or a grin when you walk past each other in the halls, or stop by his desk and say hi or make a funny face. This lets him know that he’s on your mind and keeps you on his!^{[13]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you pass each other in the halls, you could simply say “Hey,” or “What’s up?”, or even just wave and smile at him.
4
Text him random, funny things that remind you of him. Send him funny memes and videos, text him questions, or send him funny, interesting little stories that remind you of him. Texting will show that you’re thinking about him even when he’s not around, but in a subtle, playful way. Try something like:^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Texting him about something that reminded you of him, like, “I saw the funniest thing today, you would’ve laughed soooo hard…” Don’t tell him the story until he responds!
- Texting him a question that you know he can answer, like “Tell me you got the history homework for tonight?? I totally forgot to write it down.” When he responds, say something like, “Thank you!!! Now come over and help me with it? Haha.”
5
Follow and talk to him on social media. Social media is a great way to continue getting to know him, and gives you some great opportunities for casual flirting. Like a few (but not all) of his posts and stories and leave a comment on the ones you think are most funny or interesting. You could also start a Snapchat streak with each other to make sure you’re on his mind everyday.
- Leave funny comments on his pictures or send him DMs. For example, if he posts something about a vacation, you could comment something like, “Ummm could you bring me next time??” or “Looks amazing, I’m so jealous.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you ask a guy for a kiss?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

A sexual pause there where you have a lot of sexual tension is probably the best thing, when you are just looking into his eyes, and smile, and just allow those butterflies to come up in yourself. Hopefully that will initiate the same response in him; usually people will mirror each other in this kind of situations. If he understands the situation, he might just go for it. Obviously, if you're trying to initiate somebody else doing something, there's always that risk of them not understanding completely, or if he's really shy, he may look away and break that tension, and the moment is gone. But that's the main thing: locking your eyes together, smiling and just pausing, taking it slowly — you don't have to rush to anything.
Question

How do I get him to make the first move? Like starting the conversation or asking me out?

Maggie_ryan3

Community Answer

First, look for signs to make sure he's interested. Maybe you catch him looking at you all the time, or he treats you differently than other people, like clamming up and getting nervous when you're around. If you can tell he likes you, he's probably just shy or worried about rejection. Show him you like him back by smiling at him a lot, making lots of eye contact, and standing near him in big groups. You could even start small conversations to encourage him to do the same.
Question

Will these tips work if I'm a boy myself?

Maggie_ryan3

Community Answer

Yes! Make sure to smile at your crush, start friendly conversations with them, and get close to them in casual ways. Pick up on signs that they're interested too, such as if they start conversations with you, make eye contact and smile at you a lot, or try to get closer to you on their own.