How to Act Normal Around Your Crush

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: June 22, 2021 References

Sometimes it's hard to be yourself around your crush! Crushes can provoke intense feelings that lead to anxiety and nervousness.^{[1]
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Research source} Whether you have a romantic crush, a platonic crush or an identity crush, it can be very difficult to act normal. Having a crush causes you to project your idealizations onto this person. Sometimes they are not who you think they are. If anything will happen, let it happen naturally.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Behaving Normally Around a Romantic Crush

1
Act moderately occupied.^{[2]
X
Research source} You could do this in many ways. The important thing is to show the person you are crushing on that you are not ready to give into them right away. Have a few supplies with you, to occupy yourself, for when you see your crush like:
- A book or a magazine
- A pen and a sketchbook
- A cell phone
2
Pretend the person is not there. A large part of having a crush involves some degree of ignoring someone. Don't go out of your way. If you appear to be unaffected by this person's presence, you'll appear to look normal. This can be a difficult step if you're head over heels.
- Do not make it too apparent that you are trying to ignore them. It could be obvious if you're trying too hard. Stay calm and collected.
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3
Appear slightly amused by the person. When you see them do not gaze at them too directly. Play with the circumstance by giving them sly looks and then appear distracted by looking around the room. Try to give off a slight smile on your face and in your eyes if they catch your eye contact.^{[3]
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Research source}
4
Ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen? This is a great calming method that hits at the core of why you don't feel normal. The worst possible outcome from appearing awkward and nervous around your crush is not life threatening. By accepting the larger picture of the world, you may be able to relax about your feelings towards your crush.^{[4]
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Research source}
- A lot of people feel like the social microscope is fixed on them, but the reality is that most people are concerned about themselves. People are not watching you and looking for an opportunity to scrutinize you.^{[5]
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5
Announce what you're doing. You don't want to ask your crush if they want to hang out. If they're nearby, talk with your friends about your plans for the weekend. If you're in a situation where you're talking to them about your plans, don't ask them to join you. They'll seek it out if they're interested.^{[6]
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Research source}
- You could even talk about how you and your friends are "trying to get a big group together" for yada yada. Then make it obvious that they could come if they ask.
- If you and your crush enjoy the same activities, you could invite your crush to join you sometime.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
6
Say hello to your crush. It is normal to acknowledge people. Nothing detrimental will happen if you give them a casual hello, or even just a wave or smile. Saying "hi!" or "hey!" with a smile can potentially stir their world. It is the most casual thing you can do if you meet eye contact. You'll seem collected and the pressure is now in their court.
7
Be friends with their friends. Making friends with your crush's friends might alleviate your nervous feelings by closing the distance between you and them. Talk to your crush's friends like a buddy. They'll remember you as being 'cool' and might speak highly of you to your crush.
- Don't flirt with any of them. You don't want them to think you're interested or they might develop a crush on you.
8
Be yourself with a pinch of wild. Don't be afraid to call a little attention to yourself. This can improve your confidence level, if you choose to wear something that makes you feel good and attractive. This is one way that might spark their attention.
- If you go over the top, they could become intimidated, but if this is the case, then rethink this crush.
- Don't be afraid to be yourself! Honesty is the best policy.
9
Separate your idea of them with reality. It is common to project what you want to see in your crush, as opposed to who they really are. Nobody's perfect, but it could help you get a better grip of yourself by knowing some of their flaws.
- Don't get too nosy or they could find out and become alarmed.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Acting Normally Around an Identity Crush

1
Recognize you are crushing. This can be a difficult realization because typically crushes are linked to romantic feelings. This is not always the case. An identity crush is someone you come to view as a leader. This causes you to want to identify your attributes to theirs.^{[8]
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Research source}
2
Ask them to hang out. This type of crush opens more doors for developing a friendship. You don't need to act uninterested or half-amused. Simply ask them to do something you know they like to do like:
- Play music
- Go bowling
- Play golf
- See a movie
- Play laser-tag
- Go tubing
3
Evaluate their character. Sometimes identity crushes can be for the wrong reasons. Lots of time people aspire to be the popular kids in high school, but sometimes the popular kids aren't good people. If you're ever faced with hanging out with a new clique and can't invite you're old friends, then weigh your options.
4
Invite them to hang out with your friends. This is a great opportunity to hang out with them when you are in your best element.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Make sure your crush and friends are both okay with this plan. This will give your crush the chance to see how you normally act with your friends.
- After hanging out in a group, you could invite your crush to grab some coffee or see a movie. This way, you can get to know them better on a one-to-one basis.^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Decompressing Away from Your Crush

1
Practice talking to other people. You don't have to wait around for the perfect chance to say something to your crush. You could always ask a random person that you find cute for a stick of gum. Talking to people you're attracted to will improve your comfort level when talking to someone you really have a crush on.
2
Talk to a family member. Being at home can be a hard time when you're heels deep in a crush's spell. Your parents can offer valuable advice because they went through what you're going through. If you're not comfortable talking to your folks about it then ask a cool uncle or a sibling you're open with. Sharing what you are going through help elevate pressure you feel when you're near your crush.
3
Keep a journal. Writing out your feelings and ideas can be a great therapy. Whether you write memories, letters, or your personal thoughts, you are practicing an expressive process that strengthens your physiological growth and health. It is important to face your emotions by yourself. It is a good time to reflect on how this crush is only a person. Write whatever feels right. Don't concern yourself with typos or grammar, this is for you.
- If you have friends or a younger sibling around, you might consider keeping this in a private location.
4
Do extracurricular activities. Staying after school for clubs or sports could be a great way of distancing yourself from your crush. Playing sports will especially help by pushing yourself both mentally and physically. Staying too stagnant will not help you act normally around a crush. Think of exerting yourself as a way of releasing your frustrations.
- This is a good way of dealing with nervousness on a larger scope. Physical activity improves your mental state in your everyday life.^{[11]
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Community Q&A

Question

What do you when your crush knows you like him and won't talk to you?

Community Answer

Do your best not talk to him/her for a few weeks. Once they have gotten used to the idea of you liking them, they may be more open to the idea. Then you can make your move and talk to them. Keep in mind that it is a possibility that they like you too and are nervous.
Question

What do you do when your crush makes fun of you?

Community Answer

Laugh along! Unless it really hurts your feelings, then you should tell him or her about it. Just say "hey it's kinda hurtful when you make fun of me like that" and leave it at that. Realize that it's most probably nerves at play, not anything unfriendly.
Question

What to do if your crush is in another school?

Community Answer

Try to spend time with this person after school or choose inter-school activities if they're available to you. You could talk to them via Skype or FaceTime, then it will be kind of like hanging out. After a time, you can ask them to hang out in person!

Warnings

Avoid an overactive imagination about your crush and fill your mind with some other things along the way. Be careful not to let a crush become the biggest thing in your world. Not only will it possibly affect the other parts of your life, but it might also cause you to overly embarrass yourself in front of your crush.

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If you remain too distanced for too long, your chances at having a more-than-friends relationship with your crush will diminish.

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Never flirt excessively, most people find this unattractive.

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