How to Keep an Alpha Male Interested

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

The alpha male of your dreams has asked you out on a date—but how do you keep his interest? You've probably heard these guys get bored pretty easily and tend to move on quickly. That might be true, but only because alphas are intelligent and driven leaders who tend to have high standards for their romantic interests. Here, you'll find some of the best tips to keep that alpha hooked on you.

1

Be confident.

Alphas are confident and expect the same from their romantic interests. When you're talking about things that have happened in your life, focus on how you've moved forward. Take the attitude that you're in control of your own life and responsible for your own actions.^{[1]
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Research source}^{[2]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- For example, you might tell him about how you convinced the slackers on a group project to pull their own weight.
- One easy way to project confidence? Don't apologize as much. For example, if you need to ask the server at the restaurant something, just ask rather than saying "I'm sorry" first.^{[3]
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2

Dress to impress whether you're out or at home.

Show him that you care about your image. Dressing in clean, fitting clothing sends the message that you care about how you present yourself. On top of that, research shows that dressing sharp might boost your mental sharpness as well.^{[4]
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- For example, if you're going out to dinner with him, you might wear tailored slacks and a jacket over a pressed shirt or blouse. If your presentation is more feminine, you might opt for a well-tailored dress instead.
- Even comfy clothes can look neat and polished. For example, you might choose a matching sweatsuit that fits you well or running tights with a pair of clean sneakers.
- Alpha males like women who are in touch with their feminine side.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}

3

Show the passion you have for your interests.

He'll be more interested if you already have a full life. Alpha men tend to be attracted to passionate people who are living fulfilled lives. He'll be thrilled to hear you talk about the things you love and excel at. This also shows him that you have a drive to succeed, another thing alphas tend to look for in a partner.^{[6]
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- For example, if you've recently started selling crafts, you might tell him about your Etsy store or your following on social media.
- Don't worry if your interest isn't a moneymaker—he'll still be interested. For example, if you're an avid soccer player, you might tell him about the teams you play on or the kids' teams you coach, which also showcases your leadership abilities.
- The other side to this is that he's usually got a lot going on as well. If you've got a full plate, he'll feel more comfortable knowing that you won't make too many demands on his time.

4

Discuss your life goals and dreams.

He's driven and determined and expects the same from his partner. An alpha is always looking forward to the next accomplishment, so you'll keep him interested if you tell him about your 5-year or 10-year plan. Show him that you're determined to meet your goals by outlining the efforts you're taking to achieve them.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- For example, you could tell him how you have lessons twice a week and practice for an hour each day because you want to learn how to play guitar.
- Are you looking to move up at work? You might talk to him about your plans to get promoted or gain enough experience to move to a higher-ranking position at a different company.

5

Have an optimistic outlook.

He's looking for someone who feels good about their future. Because an alpha feels like he's in control of his future, he typically thinks it looks pretty bright. If you have a similarly rosy outlook, you'll be more likely to hold his interest. He's more likely to be attracted to you if you have the same general view on life that he does.^{[8]
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- For example, suppose you're discussing the COVID-19 pandemic. You might say, "I've been using this time to improve myself and my skills. This odd period will end, and I'll be ahead of the game when my industry opens back up again."

6

Let him take the lead.

He's a natural leader and feels more comfortable calling the shots. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to wait for him to make a decision on everything or that you always have to go along with what he says. Instead, present things in a way that it seems to him as though he's making a decision for both of you, even though he's choosing what you wanted all along.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- For example, if you're discussing date plans, you might say, "That new sushi restaurant everyone's raving about is right next door to the museum we were talking about visiting." That plants the seed in his head about the popular sushi restaurant you want to go to.
- You can also narrow his choice only to things you like. For example, suppose he mentions that he wants to take you out to dinner. You might say, "That sounds great! Are you thinking sushi or Italian?"
- If you aren't comfortable with him taking the lead, the relationship probably won't work out.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}

7

Listen to him and support his ideas.

Encourage him and follow up on things he mentions. Alphas want people to pay attention to them and take them seriously. You can do that by listening actively to what he says and asking detailed, probing questions that show you understand what you're talking about.^{[12]
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- For example, if he tells you about his plan to expand his company to Europe, you might say, "As it happens, I'm fluent in French, so I'm happy to help with that if you need it."
- If you're not familiar with what he's talking about, express an interest in learning. For example, if he tells you that he's an investment banker, you might say, "I've always wanted to learn more about the market. Is there a specific book or website you'd recommend?

8

Compliment his actions and achievements.

An alpha man typically wants you to be impressed by his accomplishments. He sees himself as a cut above and expects you to recognize that. To keep him interested in you, let him know that you appreciate the things he's done.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- Where possible, reference specific data to support your accomplishments. He'll appreciate how closely you paid attention. For example, you might say, "Congratulations on selling your 100th house! That's really impressive work, especially in this economy."

9

Stand up for yourself when it's important.

An alpha man will easily get bored with a pushover. While alphas are known for being dominant, they don't want their partners to compromise their values. You'll keep him interested if you show that you're willing to stand up for what you believe in.^{[14]
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- For example, suppose you're out with him when you get a text from your sister. If he suggests you lie to her about where you are or what you're doing, you might say, "No. Honesty is very important to me, as is my family. I would never lie to my sister."

10

Be a little mysterious.

You'll keep him interested if you keep him guessing. While you do want to be open and honest, there's something to be said for not revealing every single detail about yourself right away. Reveal things about you slowly, as they become relevant, and he'll stay hooked because he's wondering what else you might have up your sleeve.^{[15]
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- For example, suppose you know how to play the violin. You might wait until he's over at your place and sees a violin sitting on its stand and asks about it. Then, you could play him a song or mention that you were in the youth symphony orchestra in your hometown.
- Keep in mind this guy is intelligent. In his eyes, most people are boring and predictable. You'll keep him interested if you can prove to him, over and over, that he hasn't quite figured you out yet.

11

Take the relationship slowly.

An alpha guy typically won't stick around if you sleep with him too early. But how early is too early? Unfortunately, that's a question without a single, straightforward answer. It really depends on the two of you and your developing relationship. You definitely want to make sure you're both on the same page, emotionally, before you take that step.^{[16]
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- Telling him you're busy is an easy way to slow things down that he'll understand—after all, he's busy too. For example, if he invites you over to his place after dinner, just say you can't because you have to get up early in the morning.
- One thing's for sure: he'll definitely respect you if you tell him that you're not ready to take that step yet. If he doesn't, he's not really an alpha—he's a selfish jerk who doesn't understand consent.

Warnings

Some guys claim to be an "alpha" when they're really just controlling and abusive. If your guy tries to control you or order you around, his interest isn't worth keeping. Get away from him while you can.

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