How to Keep Your Man Happy

Co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Last Updated: October 6, 2022 References Approved

There's a lot of advice, good and bad, about keeping a man happy in a relationship. The main thing is to respect your boyfriend or husband and treat him as you would like to be treated. You don't need to follow each step of this article word for word -- it's intended as a guide. You can pick and choose what works for your relationship.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Allen Wagner. Check out the full interview here.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Working on Your Relationship

1
Give him space when he needs it. Even if your man is head-over-heels crazy for you, he needs a little alone time every now and then, so don't try to force your presence on him 24 hours a day.
- Make some plans without him and tell him he's free to go play video games, have a beer with his friends, visit his mother or go for a solo run -- whatever he feels like.
- This also gives you a chance to pursue your own interests and maintain a fulfilling life outside of your relationship.
- Once you accept that you both need some personal space every now and then, you will be much happier as a couple and will enjoy and appreciate the time you do spend together a lot more as a result.
2
Talk through any issues. Instead of bottling up any issues or problems you have with your relationship (and letting them all explode in a whirlwind of emotion later), sit your man down and have a calm, reasoned discussion with him.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
- He'll appreciate this much more than a potential screaming match down the road and will be much more inclined to listen to you and take on board what you're saying, rather than going on the defensive.
- You should also give him the chance to voice any issues he may be having. Really try listening to what he has to say and don't dismiss his concerns. Your man will be much happier in the relationship if his feelings and opinions are valued.
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3
Show love and appreciation. Most modern-day husbands and boyfriends are pretty amazing -- they do things like buy you flowers, cook you dinner and massage your feet after a long day at work. So reciprocate, try buying small, thoughtful gifts, preparing favorite meals and watching movies/shows he likes together.
- When he does something nice for you, be affectionate. Give him a kiss or a hug or just tell him you love him. Knowing how happy he's made you will make him happy!
4
Remember that a relationship is a two way street. Of course, making your husband or boyfriend happy is pointless if you are not happy.
- A relationship works both ways, so if you're putting in all of the effort and getting nothing in return, you have to ask yourself "is it worth it?"
- Even if your relationship is going fine, there may be something else bothering you and making you unhappy. You need to fix this -- otherwise, your man will sense your unhappiness and start to feel unhappy himself, especially if there is nothing he can do about it.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Him Feel Secure

1
Be honest with him. When it comes to relationships, we all know that honesty is the best policy. Lies always come back to bite us in the end.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.}
- Being honest with your man about where you're going, who you're meeting, how you're feeling, etc. is important. How can you expect honesty from him if you don't afford him the same courtesy?
- Even if he doesn't necessarily like the truth, the fact that you are being honest with him will let him know that he can trust you -- and trust is essential in any relationship.
2
Compliment him. Men love to be complimented just as much as women, so don't be stingy with your praise and compliments.
- When you're impressed with something your guy has said or done, tell him so! Don't just assume he knows.
- Tell him he looks good in an outfit, that you're impressed with the project he's working on or that you're amazed at what he can do in the bedroom! A genuine compliment from you will have him walking on cloud nine.
- Bonus points if you compliment him in front of his friends or family -- men like to be praised in front of other people; it boosts their ego.
3
Don't try to make him jealous. Many people make the mistake of trying to make their man feel jealous when they're angry or upset with them.
- However, this often backfires by making your husband or boyfriend feel angry, hurt or betrayed -- and this can damage his trust in you, harming the relationship.
- Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot -- if you had done something wrong, would you want him to hear you out and give you another chance? Or would you prefer him to flirt with someone else to get back at you?
4
Be his support system. Everybody has their low points, your man included. So don't kick him while he's down by criticizing or saying "I told you so". Be his support system and take this as an opportunity to boost him back up.
- If he has a bad day at work, has an argument with a family member or is generally just feeling a bit down, try to be nice to him. Ask him if he wants to talk about it or allow him to brew silently for a while, if that's what he needs.
- Remind him of all the reasons why you think he's great and why you chose him out of all the other fish in the sea. Make him feel good about himself again and he'll feel happy and grateful towards you.
5
Respect him. Your man needs you to respect him, the same way you need him to respect you.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.} Don't belittle him or put him down all the time -- that's no way to treat the most important person in your life!
- The last thing your guy wants is to feel emasculated, so allow him to feel like a man from time to time -- ask him to open a jar, to build some furniture or to drive your car.
- Let him know that you need his support -- it will boost his ego and make him feel good about himself.
- This doesn't make you any less strong, it's just part of being in an equal, reciprocal relationship.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Doing Nice Things For Him

1
Give him a massage. Men love to be pampered from time to time, so pick an evening to treat your husband or boyfriend to a relaxing massage.
- Choose a day when your man is feeling particularly tired or stressed out and get yourself set up with massage oil, candles, music -- anything that makes the experience more relaxing.
- Ask him to undress and lie face down on the bed, then work your magic. Gently knead his back, neck and shoulders, avoiding the spine. If you're feeling adventurous, you can attempt a full-body massage.
- Be generous with your time -- try to keep it up for at least 15 to 20 minutes until your man has completely relaxed. Be warned though -- all that skin-on-skin contact may leave your man feeling more turned-on than relaxed!
2
Cook his favorite meal. Whoever said that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach never spoke a truer word. Men love food, especially when it's lovingly prepared by their other half.
- Pick a recipe (or steal one from his mother) and prepare it some evening when he's least expecting it. Make it an occasion -- set the table nicely, open a good bottle of wine and pretend you're eating out at a restaurant!
- By the way, we're not advocating 50s housewife behavior here: "you must have a hot meal on the table when your man arrives home from work." Cook a nice meal for you man because you want to and because it's a nice thing to do.
- If you're a terrible cook, improvise! Order his favorite take-out but serve it on nice dishes or take him out to his favorite restaurant for dinner, your treat!
3
Do something spontaneous. If you're in a long-term relationship, it's easy to let routine take over and stay in watching TV every Saturday night. Keep your man happy by doing something spontaneous or different instead!
- Inject some fun into your man's life by planning date nights -- get concert tickets, go rock climbing, organize a wine tasting, go to an art exhibition, host a games night with some other couples -- anything as long as it's different.
- If you're feeling adventurous, plan something really crazy like a joint skydive, a whale-watching trip or a vacation or road trip. Take care of as many of the details beforehand as possible, so your man doesn't have to stress on the day.
4
Make an effort with your appearance. Again, we're not advocating a 50s housewife approach here, but taking some pride in your appearance and looking good for your man is definitely a good thing. You want him to feel proud that you are his significant other.
- We all have days when we want to laze around in our pajamas, with no make-up on and hair scraped back, but every so often it's nice to get dressed up for no other reason than wanting to look good for your man. He'll appreciate the effort!
- You should also make an effort to do the things you used to do when you first met -- whether that means shaving your legs, getting your hair styled once a month, or keeping your weight in check. Try to be the person he fell in love with!
5
Take the lead in bed. No discussion of how to keep a man happy would be complete without some reference to sex! Although this may vary a little, most men love it when their partner takes charge in the bedroom.
- This means something different in every relationship, whether it's simply initiating sex (especially if you don't normally) or tying your man down, dominatrix style.
- Give him a freebie every once in a while -- in other words, a sexual favor where you expect nothing in return. He'd prefer that to an actual gift any day of the week!
- Remember that being intimate (whatever that means for you) is an important part of any healthy, happy relationship -- it brings the two of you closer together and allows you to express your love for one another in a deeply personal way.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you let your man know you appreciate him?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Don't take all of the small, wonderful things your man does for you for granted, or as a given. Let him know how much you appreciate him and that you know how hard he tries.
Question

How do I keep a man in love with me?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individuals and couples on ways they can improve their relationships. Along with his wife, Talia Wagner, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

When you have an issue in the relationship, talk it out with him so you can work on improving it together.

Warnings

All men are different, and this advice won't apply to every one of them. "The best way to know what makes a man happy is to ask him"

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Do not let your efforts to please your man turn you into a doormat. Remain your own person, remain independent, and don't suffer abuse, ingratitude, or being taken for granted. When a man takes his partner for granted, all the effort in the world won't keep him happy since he already expects all the effort in the world. Drop him and find yourself a sweeter, more appreciative man.

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