16+ Ways to Be a Good Wife: A How-To Guide

Co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References Approved

You love your spouse with all your heart, but how can you show that to them? Being a good wife is all about tending to their needs while maintaining your own identity. It’s a balance, caring for them while caring for yourself, but you can do it! In this article, we’ll teach you how to be a good wife through friendship, romance, and communication. Keep reading to learn how you can be the best wife, please your spouse, and stay true to yourself.

Things You Should Know

Remember to focus on your needs and happiness, so you can be the best version of yourself for your spouse.
Keep the romance alive in your marriage by scheduling special outings and sexy date nights.
Listen to your spouse to learn what they want and need more of in the relationship.
Express your concerns and talk to your spouse openly and honestly to get the most out of your marriage.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Companionship

1
Spend time with your spouse to form a lasting friendship. Romance isn’t the only thing that holds your relationship together. Intimacy is all about caring for your partner unconditionally. Talk openly and honestly with your spouse like they’re your best friend, do things together, and offer them support when they need it most.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Take time to ask each other questions about your days while making dinner.
- Send them funny jokes, memes, or pictures that remind you of them.
- Start a hobby or activity together to develop similar interests.
2
Go on exciting adventures with your spouse. Married life doesn’t mean you both have to stop living! Spend quality time together and make lasting memories by doing something new. Maybe that’s camping, hiking, or traveling.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Find your exciting adventure as a couple by talking about your dreams. Ask your spouse what’s on their bucket list and see if any of your dreams match. You may even discover a new dream while you talk.
- Plan week-long or weekend getaways with each other to relax and destress.
Advertisement
3
Support your spouse by accepting them for who they are. One of the best things you can do for your spouse is be there for them through thick and thin. They’re an ever-evolving person—just like you! Their interests, career, and attitude may change, but you can be a good wife by being with them through it all. Focus on helping them be the best version of themselves rather than trying to change them.^{[3]
X
Research source}
4
Work with your spouse to manage stress as a couple. Life can be stressful, and it’s important to be there for your spouse through the ups and downs. Be a good listener and discuss solutions with your partner about anxieties and worries.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Not only can this help improve your relationship, but it can also help them be a better partner for you when you’re stressed.
- Try exercising together to let out your frustrations. Moving your bodies together can help clear your minds and look at problems with new perspectives.^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
5
Take care of yourself to be the best wife possible. How are you supposed to make your spouse happy if you're not happy? Make time to do things you like to do without your spouse. Perhaps that’s attending a weekly yoga class, reading a book, or grabbing drinks with a few girl friends. Focusing on yourself doesn’t make you a bad wife—it makes you a great one!^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Self-care is an easy way to set boundaries in a relationship, as spending time with yourself and doing something you love can help you recharge emotionally.^{[7]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Affection and Intimacy

1
Kiss your spouse regularly to stay connected physically. It can be easy for the honeymoon phase to fizzle out after you’ve been married for a long time. Even though it seems rather simple, kissing your spouse can help spark intimate feelings and increase sex drive. Try kissing them before they head off to work, before you go to bed, or when they look extra sexy. This is a great way to please them and yourself all while keeping the passion alive.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Add other aspects of physical touch into your daily routine as a couple. Holding hands and hugging are just as important as a steamy kiss.^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
2
Schedule date nights to stay romantically interested in each other. No matter how busy you are, how stressful your job is, or how many kids you have, make time to spend a romantic evening with your spouse. Aim for a date every 2 weeks or as often as you can. Designate a day where it’s just you and them. Believe it or not, dressing up for each other and spending a night alone can renew your romantic connection.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Date nights can be as simple or romantic as you like. As long as you do something you both like together, you’re sure to have a great time!
- Try spending a romantic night in, bowling, playing mini-golf, seeing a movie, or splurging at a high-end restaurant.
3
Turn your bedroom into a romantic sanctuary to initiate sex. Remove TVs, laptops, and work-related materials from the bedroom. Make the bed with silk sheets and cover the windows with black-out curtains. Light a few candles or turn on a diffuser with a favorite essential oil. Create an inviting space meant for sex and sleep to help you and your spouse unwind after a long day.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Opt for a vanilla or woodsy candle or essential oil to heighten the sexy mood.
- Play romantic music softly in the background. This can be a playlist of songs representing your relationship or an arousing instrumental track.
4
Make time for physical intimacy to keep the romance alive. Life can get busy, which sometimes means putting sex on the back burner. Try scheduling sex into your weekly or monthly routine. Pick a day that works for both of you—maybe that’s a weekend or a holiday you both have off work. This can give you both something to look forward to while improving your sex lives.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Buy a new sexy outfit or plan a romantic evening leading up to your designated lovemaking day.
- Marking a day to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t have it any other day. Be spontaneous when you can!

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Communication

1
Support your spouse by asking what they need in the relationship. Recognizing what’s important for your partner can help you do what’s best for them.^{[13]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Maybe they’re craving more physical intimacy, want some alone time, or would like to spend more time with you. Understanding their wants and needs helps you cultivate an environment you can both be happy in while improving your relationship.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Don’t sacrifice your needs for theirs. There’s always a happy medium, so make sure you’re not compromising your own happiness. After all, you can’t be a good wife if you’re not happy yourself!
2
Express your feelings and needs to your spouse. Your spouse doesn't know what you’re thinking 100% of the time, so don’t be afraid to let them in every once and a while. Talk to them about what you need and want in the relationship. Being open and honest about your desires and emotions can strengthen your marriage and help you both be happier.^{[15]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- Use “I” statements to tell them what you need rather than pointing blame. For instance, you may say something like, “I feel ignored when you come home and watch TV before talking to me,” or “I want to spend more time with friends on the weekend to unwind.”^{[16]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
3
Listen and forgive your spouse to be understanding. Sometimes, all it takes to be a good wife is a listening ear and an accepting nature. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to actively listen to your spouse and accept their apologies (as long as your feel comfortable doing so) when you can.^{[17]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
- Admit your own mistakes in return, as the best relationships strive on honesty.
- Reach out to a couple’s therapist if you need help processing your feelings and rebuilding your relationship.^{[18]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
4
Choose your battles with your spouse to avoid conflict. Debates can be a healthy way to get your opinions across and learn something new, but full-on arguments can hurt both parties. When reprimanding your spouse, don’t sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles and ask yourself, “Would an argument over this solve something or make matters worse?”^{[19]
X
Research source}
- Try writing your concerns down before bringing them up in conversation.
5
Be respectful when discussing an issue with your spouse. Disagreements are bound to happen in a marriage, and that’s completely normal. If a discussion gets heated, take a deep breath and consider their opinion or reasoning. Even if you don’t agree, use a level and even tone to explain your concerns. Not all couples have identical morals, beliefs, or attitudes, but being understanding and respectful of each other can strengthen your relationship.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- Try bringing up touchy subjects at a time when you and your spouse can talk one-on-one without distractions. For example, bringing up a late bill or complaint about the in-laws may not be wise to do at dinner time in front of your children.^{[21]
  X
  Research source}
6
Work with your spouse to find solutions when you disagree. No marriage is perfect, and that’s okay. Recognizing that you and your spouse are bound to disagree every once and a while helps you be the best wife you can be. Instead of making winning your goal, focus on your needs as a couple.^{[22]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Lower your expectations when it comes to romance, finances, and conflict. Aiming high is great, but remember that life as a married couple is all about change and growth.
- Accept change by remembering that whatever happens, you and your spouse are dealing with it as a team, not as people on opposite sides of the battle.
7
Talk to your spouse, not about them, when it comes to marital issues. If you have a problem or concern with how your spouse behaves, try your best to work it out with them first before talking to your friends and family. This shows your partner that you respect them and are willing to work out any martial issues together.^{[23]
X
Research source}
- If you don’t feel safe talking to your spouse, it’s okay to reach out for help. Therapists and domestic abuse hotlines can provide you with guidance and offer plenty of solutions.