This article was written by Candice Mostisser and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Wondering how long it takes for casual dating to turn into an exclusive relationship? Have you gone on a few dates with somebody and you’re wondering if it’s “too early” to make the jump? Luckily, it’s easy to figure out when you’re ready to make the plunge, and there’s plenty of data out there when it comes to how long the typical transition from dating to commitment takes. In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about what it takes to turn a few dates into a serious relationship.
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, Candice Mostisser. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Having the “Official” Talk
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1Do this face-to-face when you’re both happy and calm. Doing this over the phone or via text can be rough, since you won’t be able to interpret their body language. Pick a time when you’re in a good place as a couple.[12]
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2Ask them if you can have a conversation about making it official. Take a deep breath and ask them if you can talk. Then, ask them if it’s okay to discuss the nature of your relationship. Don’t worry—you already know they like you, so you have nothing to worry about.[13]
- You could say, “Hey, I’d like to talk about our relationship, if that’s okay? Nothing bad, I promise! I just want to know where you see us going and if you’re interested in making it official.”
- Alternatively, you can just come right out and say, “I’m sorry if this is a bit forward, but do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend?”
- If you don’t feel comfortable having this conversation, it may be a sign that you aren’t quite ready to move on.
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3Define the relationship if they’re on board with being a couple. If they like you, you like them, and they’re interested in being an exclusive couple, define it just to make sure you both mean the same thing. This way, there’s no confusion regarding what you are. A lot of people don’t do this, but it’s important to make things clear.[14]
- You might say, “So you’ll be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” or, “I’m going to be your boyfriend/girlfriend? It’s official?”
- Make sure you’re exclusive by clarifying what a “relationship” means to you. You might ask, “I have no interest in dating anyone else. Do you feel the same way? I just want make sure we’re on the same page about not seeing other people.”
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4If they seem resistant, either cut ties or keep casually dating. If the “official” talk doesn’t go the way you want it to, take a deep breath. If you’re comfortable continuing to date and giving the relationship space to breathe, tell them. If you think you’re ready for something serious and this has run its course, say so. Whatever you choose to do, your decision is valid.[15]
- If you’re okay to keep dating and you don’t mind waiting for them to meet you where you’re at, you might say, “That’s okay, I get it. I’m fine with keeping things casual if you are.”
- If you really want to be exclusive and move things forward, you might say, “I understand how you feel, but I really think we’re looking for different things.”
- It’s also okay to just say, “I need some time to think. I’m not angry or anything, but let me process how I feel.”
References
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a32877637/make-relationship-official/
- ↑ https://www.mic.com/life/are-couples-becoming-monogamous-too-fast-16340951
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/why-he-wont-commit-even-though-dating-months/
- ↑ https://www.mic.com/life/are-couples-becoming-monogamous-too-fast-16340951
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/8-signs-you-know-you-two-are-r
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/8-signs-you-know-you-two-are-r
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/8-signs-you-know-you-two-are-r
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201602/10-questions-help-you-tell-if-youre-ready-commit
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201602/10-questions-help-you-tell-if-youre-ready-commit
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/01/31/the-ultimate-guide-on-how-to-have-the-talk-with-the-person-youre-dating/
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/01/31/the-ultimate-guide-on-how-to-have-the-talk-with-the-person-youre-dating/
- ↑ https://emiko-tsunagari.medium.com/its-not-just-commitment-phobia-when-your-partner-doesn-t-want-to-make-things-official-94c669258919