Is It Okay for Your Husband to Text Female Friends? Learn What's Fine and Where to Draw the Line

Co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 19, 2022 References

It’s important to set boundaries in any relationship, but especially in a marriage. If your husband has female friends, you might see him texting them occasionally, which is probably fine. However, there may come a point when it crosses the line, which could indicate a little more than a friendly relationship. We’ve answered your questions so you can decide what’s okay and what’s not and talk to your husband about his actions.

Question 1 of 8:

Is it okay for a married man to text another woman?

Yes, as long as they’re just friends. Your husband might occasionally text a female friend or coworker of his, which is fine! If the messages are friendly check-ins or chatter about the office, you don’t have anything to worry about.^{[1]
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- If he’s texting her late at night, telling her intimate details, or sharing lewd photos with her, that’s when it crosses the line.

Question 2 of 8:

Is it okay for a married man to have female friends?

Yes; in fact, it’s healthy! You should always encourage your husband to have friends, no matter what gender they are. As long as your husband and his friends respect your relationship, there shouldn’t be any problems.^{[2]
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Question 3 of 8:

When does texting another woman cross the line?

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Your husband might text her at all hours of the day. If he can’t stop texting her, even when you two are hanging out, that’s a red flag. Texting a friend is fine, but if it happens 24/7, it could be crossing into romantic territory. However, ask before you assume. If he isn't cheating, he shouldn't have a problem showing you the messages. ^{[3]
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Your husband might reveal personal information to her. Maybe he talks to her about his feelings or emotions, even if he won’t open up to you. Or, he might share details about your relationship, like the problems you're having or when you two get in a fight. While it’s fine to chat with your friends about how you’re feeling or a tough day at work, your husband shouldn’t be more open with another woman than with you.^{[4]
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Question 4 of 8:

How do you know if your husband is texting another woman?

He might try to hide his phone from you. If he used to be fine when you grabbed his phone but now he freaks out about it, that’s a bad sign. It could mean that he has something on there (texts, call logs, or pictures) that he doesn’t want you to see. While this isn’t a concrete sign, it is a red flag.^{[5]
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Question 5 of 8:

How do I know if my husband likes another woman?

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He might be unreachable for long periods of time. If you try to call or text him and you can’t get ahold of him for a few hours, that’s a red flag. He’ll probably give an excuse, like he was busy or his phone was dead. While that could be true, he might also be seeing another woman on the sly. Don’t take this as 100% proof that he’s cheating, but definitely put your guard up if this happens.^{[6]
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He might get dressed up to go see her. Maybe he puts on a new shirt or buys a new tie when he knows she’s going to be around. Or, maybe he spends extra time on his hair or beard when she’s coming over. It’s subtle, but it could be an indication that he has more than just friendly feelings toward this person.^{[7]
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He might be less intimate with you. This could mean emotional or physical intimacy. If your sex life has slowed down or your husband doesn’t talk to you as much anymore, it’s a red flag. It’s not a surefire sign that he likes someone else, but it could indicate that he’s getting his needs met elsewhere.^{[8]
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Question 6 of 8:

Is texting another woman considered cheating?

No, not necessarily. You get to decide what's comfortable or not for your relationship. If you're comfortable with your husband texting another woman, there's no problem. But if it makes you uncomfortable, you should have a discussion with him about what you consider appropriate boundaries for your relationship.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}
- If, however, they start getting intimate or engage in an emotional affair, then it could be considered cheating. It could also be considered cheating if he starts sexting or sharing lewd photos with another woman.^{[10]
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- An emotional affair is a relationship without anything physical. If your husband opens up to this woman, shares details about his life, or talks to her 24/7, he could be having an emotional affair.

Question 7 of 8:

Do emotional affairs ever turn into love?

Yes, they can. Emotional affairs can blossom into a full-blown relationship if they go on for long enough. However, not every emotional affair leads to romance, even if it’s been happening for a long time. If you catch your husband having an emotional affair, there’s no guarantee that he loves the other woman.^{[11]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- Sometimes, emotional affairs are rooted in fantasy. It’s easy to “love” someone when you only text them or call them on the phone. A real life relationship is much harder work.

Question 8 of 8:

How do I talk to my husband about texting another woman?

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Sit down and calmly talk about it. If you think your husband is texting another woman inappropriately, pick a time when you two can be alone together.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Bring up the situation by saying something like, “I noticed you’ve been texting Natalie a lot. Are you two still just friends?”^{[13]
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Keep pushing if he gets defensive. Your husband might not admit to any fault right away. Keep asking him questions to see if he admits to any wrongdoing. You could also ask to see his phone so you can look at his text messages.^{[14]
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- Say something like, “It would really bring me some peace of mind if you could show me the messages between you two. That way, I know you’re just being friendly with her.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I tell my husband how I feel?

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical

Expert Answer

Focus on your feelings instead making an accusation. Talking about yourself and your experience is better than talking about what he's doing wrong.
Question

Should I confront the other woman my husband is texting?

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical

Expert Answer

Focus on addressing things with your husband. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable, and that you feel like he's crossing a boundary in your relationship.