How to Help a Friend Grieving the Death of a Dog

If your friend has lost their beloved dog, you can support them both emotionally and physically. Sit down with your friend and listen to them as they process their grief. Continue to be there in the following weeks by helping them out with daily tasks. Gifts and personal messages can show how much you care for your friend while giving them a tangible memory by which to remember their dog. The important thing is that you're there for your friend when they need it.

Things You Should Know

  • Ask your friend how you could support them best and be there for them; everyone grieves in their own way and you shouldn’t assume they need anything.
  • If they seem like they don’t want to talk about their dog, help them stay distracted by spending time with them and trying to take their mind off of it.
  • If they do want to talk, just listen; you don’t need to actively do anything for them, although if they ask for help with anything, offer to lend a hand.
  • They may feel guilty if their dog died because of an accident or they chose to put them down, so if they bring this up, remind them it’s not their fault.
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Providing Immediate Support

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    Offer to go to the vet with them. If the dog is going to be euthanized, you can offer to go to the vet with your friend. You can hold their hand as their dog is put to sleep, or you can wait in the lobby. Having someone there for them can help ease their pain.
    • You can say, “Do you want someone there when you take Fluffy to the vet? I’d be willing to come with you, if you want.”
    • If the dog has already died, you can also offer to go with them as they pick up the dog’s body or ashes. You might say, “Would it help if I came with you to pick up the ashes?”
    • This can be an intensely personal event. If your friend refuses your help, respect their wishes.
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    Listen to their grief. Your friend may be extremely distraught after the death of their canine companion. Let them vent their grief to you. You do not need to say much. Just listen.[1]
    • Let them cry. It is natural to cry after the death of a beloved pet. Your friend may feel ashamed of crying in front of you, but you should encourage them to express their sadness. You can tell them, “It’s ok to cry. Don’t be afraid to let it all out.”[2]
    • Remember that everyone grieves in their own way. If you think your friend’s reaction is different than what yours would be or even "over-the-top," try your best to be supportive of their individual grieving process anyway.
    • Do not tell your friend to “move on” or say “you’ll feel better soon.” These phrases can make them feel as though you are belittling their feelings.
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    Share stories about the dog. You and your friend probably have many stories about the lost pet. Reminiscing about the dog can help your friend process their grief, and in some cases, it might even help cheer them up.[3]
    • You can start the conversation by saying something like, “You know what my favorite memory about Max is?”
    • You can also say, “Tell me. How did you first get Max?”
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    Minimize their guilt. Owners might feel guilty after the death of their dog. They might believe that they could prevent the death somehow, or they may be tortured by their decision to euthanize their dog. You should reassure them that they made the right decision.[4]
    • If the dog was euthanized, you can say, “You made the right decision. You spared her a lot of pain, and she was able to go peacefully because of it.”
    • If the dog died of sickness or old age, you can say, “There was nothing anybody could have done. He had a good life, and you cared for him the best that anyone could.”
    • If the dog died because of an accident, you can say, “It’s not your fault. Accidents happen, and it was outside of your control.”
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    Go to the dog’s funeral. Your friend may want to hold a funeral or memorial service for their dog. By going to the funeral, you can provide support to your friend while demonstrating how much you care. At the funeral, you might recite a poem, say a prayer, or tell your favorite story about their dog.[5]
    • You might offer to help out at the funeral. Perhaps you can bring flowers or cook everyone a meal after the service.
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    Send them a card. A card is a nice way to show that you care. You can buy or make a card. Write a personal message inside to tell your friend that you are there for them in their grief. You may even want to write your favorite memory of their deceased dog.[6] This is a great option if you are unable to be there in person for your friend.
    • A nice message might say something like, “Dear Mark, I’m so sorry to hear about the death of Molly. I know you loved her very much. While this may be a difficult time, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Helping Them Recover in the Long-Term

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    Give them time to mourn. Your friend may need several days or weeks to get over the loss of their dog. Let them know that you are there for them while they process their emotions. Be patient as they grieve. In the meantime, you can provide extra support as they recover.[7]
    • You can tell them, “I’m here for you if you need to talk or if you just want a shoulder to cry on. Don’t feel afraid to call me.”
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    Encourage them to wait before adopting a new dog. Some people may want to replace their dog right away in the belief that it will ease their pain. Try to encourage your friend to take some time before adopting a new dog. Make sure your friend is emotionally ready to care for a new dog.[8]
    • You can say, “I think you should wait a little while before you get another dog. Allow yourself time to grieve for Sparky.”
    • Sometimes people believe that they can get a new dog of the same breed, and it can replace their old dog. Remind your friend that the new dog will have their own personality, habits, and characteristics, even if they are the same breed.
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    Attend a support group with them. There are many support groups that help people who are suffering from the loss of a dog. You can recommend one to your friend. If they are nervous about going alone, you can offer to go with them.[9]
    • You can say, “I found a pet support group at the local human society. Maybe you want to check it out. If you want, I can go with you.”
    • The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement hosts a directory where you can find local support groups.
    • Your local animal shelter may also host support groups. Contact them to see if there are any options for your friend.
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    Offer to help them out around the house. While mourning, your friend might struggle to complete daily tasks. You can help them by volunteering to help them with their chores and errands. Some things you can offer to do include:[10]
    • Cleaning their house
    • Cooking a meal
    • Picking up their groceries
    • Taking care of their other pets
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    Volunteer at an animal shelter with them. Suggest that your friend volunteers at a dog shelter or veterinary clinic and offer to go with them. This may be therapeutic in the long-term, after the mourning stage is over, because your friend may find peace and happiness in helping and playing with other animals.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Memorializing Their Dog

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    Give them a personalized gift. Memorial gifts can be customized for the specific dog that died. These special gifts can help your friend remember their beloved pet. Choose a gift that can be displayed in the house. Some good gifts include:
    • A framed picture of their dog
    • A plaster bone or paw with their dog’s name
    • A photo album of pictures
    • A memorial video[11]
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    Create an online memorial. Many websites allow you to create an online memorial for lost pets. You can post photos, stories, and videos of the dog. You might put together the memorial to present to your friend at the funeral, or you can sit down with your friend to help them make their own.[12] Some sites that offer pet memorials include:
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    Donate money to a dog charity in their memory. You can donate money to an animal welfare charity or local animal shelter in memory of the lost dog.[13] After giving money in the dog’s name, you can give your friend a card or letter from the charity. Some charities you might consider include:
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Warnings

  • If your friend appears depressed for long periods of time or if they are uncontrollably emotional, you might suggest that they see a therapist or counselor.
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  • Do not tell your friend “get over it” or “he was just a dog.”[14]
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References

  1. ↑ http://www.cancercare.org/publications/67-how_to_help_someone_who_is_grieving
  2. ↑ http://www.americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/pet-loss-grief/
  3. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/pet-death.html#
  4. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-pet-loss.htm#children
  6. ↑ http://www.acknowledgements.net/words-of-sympathy/#pet
  7. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htm
  8. ↑ http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/resources/tips/coping_with_pet_death.html
  9. ↑ http://www.americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/pet-loss-grief/
  1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htm
  2. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html
  3. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html
  4. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html
  5. ↑ http://www.recover-from-grief.com/coping-with-death-of-pet.html

About This Article

Natalia S. David, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Natalia S. David, PsyD
Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Natalia S. David, PsyD. Dr. David is an Assistant Professor in Psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center and a Psychiatry Consultant at Clements University Hospital and at Zale Lipshy University Hospital. She is a member of the Board of Behavioral Sleep Medicine, the Academy for Integrative Pain Management, and the American Psychological Association’s Division of Health Psychology. In 2017, she received the Baylor Scott & White Research Institute’s Podium Presentation Award and scholarship. She received her PsyD from Alliant International University in 2017 with an emphasis in Health Psychology. This article has been viewed 31,429 times.
28 votes - 93%
Co-authors: 8
Updated: December 23, 2022
Views: 31,429
Categories: End of Life Dog Care | Supporting Friends
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