How to Cope with Guilt After a Dog's Death

Guilt after a dog's death can arise from many circumstances. An accidental death resulting from an owner's carelessness can trigger feelings of guilt, as can having a dog die from an unexpected illness. If an owner must make the choice to euthanize the dog, that can cause overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret as well. In order to escape the trap of guilt and move forward in mourning your dog, it is useful to remember the good times you had together, acknowledge you did the best you could in caring for your dog, and think of ways to remember the important role your dog played in your life.[1]

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Forgiving Yourself

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    Focus on your intent. If you chose to euthanize your dog, your intention was to alleviate its suffering and pain. Similarly, if your dog died as a result of an accident, remember that you did not intentionally let your dog run outside unattended. By choosing to remember that you did not actively intend to cause harm to your dog, you can help alleviate your feelings of guilt.[2]
    • Remember that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances.
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    Refrain from thinking “if only.” You will not make yourself feel any better by continually ruminating on what could have been or what you could have done differently.[3] Rather, you will just torture yourself further and increase your feelings of guilt.[4]
    • There is no way you can know what could have happened differently had you noticed, for instance, that your dog was sick earlier than you did. When you notice yourself thinking along these lines, try to gently redirect your thoughts to the happy times you shared with your dog and remind yourself that you provided them with many happy years.
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    Remember the pain your dog was in before it died. Your feelings of guilt related to euthanizing your dog may be lessened if you remember that your dog, in its final days, was suffering and not living life to the fullest.[5]
    • Although painful, it may be useful to remember how sad you felt to see your dog suffer. If you can remember that pain, your guilt may subside as you recognize that your dog is no longer suffering. You may also remind yourself that your dog relied on you completely to decide when to end their life, so making that decision was like your last gift to them to end their suffering.
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    Let yourself off the hook. As a pet owner, it is natural to feel a sense of responsibility for your pet's life. After all, you were responsible for everything it needed, from food to hugs. However, you must be able to accept that you are not in control of everything that happens in life, or to your dog.[6]
    • Remember you cannot change the past.
    • If you believe in a higher power, you can ask for forgiveness.
    • Try to focus on the positive memories you have of your dog and all of the love and care that you gave to them over the years.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Approaching Your Guilt in an Active Manner

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    Write an apology letter to your dog. If you truly feel you in some way caused your dog's death, whether through an accident or by not noticing an illness in a timely manner, write down those thoughts and feelings. Address the letter to your dog and explain why you feel guilty and apologize to your dog. This active acknowledgement of your feelings can be helpful in working through your feelings of guilt.
    • This exercise can elevate your mood and help you realize the depth of love you had for your dog. It can reinforce to you that you made the right decisions.
    • You can bury the letter where your pet is buried.
    • Try to remind yourself that you and your dog did not speak the same language, so there is no way that you could have known about some of the symptoms they were having due to illness. Don't blame yourself for missing things when there is no possible way you could have known.
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    Surround yourself with loved ones. Accepting the death of a pet can feel like a lonely time, but you will help yourself progress through the grieving process by opening up to friends or relatives.[7] They can also help you understand that you are not responsible for your dog's death, which may help alleviate your feelings of guilt.[8]
    • Close friends or relatives may have stories of your dog they'd like to share with you. Reliving those good memories will help you focus on more positive times with your dog.
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    Seek out a therapist if your guilt does not subside. Left untreated, continuing feelings of guilt and grief can eventually lead to depression. If you feel you can no longer deal with your feelings of guilt on your own, find a professional to assist you.[9]
    • A therapist can offer coping mechanisms and support as you move through the grieving process.
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    Join a support group. Your veterinarian may be able to recommend a group for other local owners dealing with the loss of a dog. By connecting with people in similar situations, you will learn how to empathize with their feelings of guilt and grief. In turn, you will be better able to empathize with your own feelings of guilt.
    • A therapist may also be able to connect you with support groups for others dealing with the loss of a pet.
    • There are online support groups for those who are suffering with the loss of a pet as well.
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    Stay busy. While your dog was alive, you spent a lot of time feeding, grooming, or walking it. Instead of using your new free time to think about the void in your life, take it as an opportunity to try new activities or reach out to friends.
    • Positive experiences can help lead to positive feelings. Try to do things that bring you pleasure so that you are not so trapped with your feelings of guilt and regret.
    • Also, don't rule out the possibility of getting another dog when you feel ready. Getting a new dog does not mean you have forgotten your old dog, only that you are honoring his memory by providing a safe, loving home for another dog in need.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Remembering Your Dog

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    Write about your pet's life. Take the time to journal about the wonderful times you spent with your dog. By reflecting on the good times you shared, instead of solely focusing on the last few days of your dog's life, you will gradually replace feelings of guilt with those of gratitude.[10]
    • You can choose to keep your writing private or share it with friends on a blog.
    • If you choose to share with others, you may benefit from their feedback and their experiences dealing with the death of a dog.
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    Make a scrapbook of your dog's life. Similar to writing about your dog's life, creating a scrapbook is an active way to remember your dog and the good times you shared. You can include your adoption papers and vaccination and medical records, as well as the multiple photos you have of your times together.
    • The scrapbook will be a wonderful repository of all of your good memories of your dog.
    • The more positive memories and feelings you create, the less room there is for guilt.
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    Conduct rituals to remember your dog. A ceremony at a favorite dog park or a service at your home with a few close friends is a nice way to memorialize your dog and help you begin to accept its passing. Being in the presence of those who loved your dog will help you take advantage of the support they can offer, instead of being trapped with your feelings of guilt.[11]
    • You can also scatter your dog's ashes along a favorite hiking trail or visit a place that was special for the two of you.
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    Do something positive in your dog's memory. Of course you will never forget the meaningful role your dog played in your life. But you can help others remember your dog as well by making a donation in your dog's memory to an animal shelter. Or you can plant a tree or garden in its honor.[12]
    • You can also ask friends or family members to donate in your dog's name as well.
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    Volunteer your time with other animals. If you can face being around animals, think about volunteering your time at a local animal shelter. Alternately, you could pursue becoming a foster parent for dogs. There are many needy animals out there who could use your attention, and helping them may be a good way to work through your feelings of guilt.
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References

  1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet/
  2. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html
  3. ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Grief Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
  4. ↑ http://healingpetloss.com/dealing-with-guilt-after-pet-loss/
  5. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-pet-loss.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
  7. ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Grief Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
  8. ↑ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ways-to-cope-with-grief-and-loss-after-putting-a-pet-to-sleep
  9. ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Grief Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
  1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet/
  2. ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Grief Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
  3. ↑ http://www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html

About This Article

Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Co-authored by:
Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
This article was co-authored by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA. This article has been viewed 23,876 times.
10 votes - 90%
Co-authors: 10
Updated: December 14, 2022
Views: 23,876
Categories: End of Life Dog Care | Emotions and Feelings
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