Rejection happens to everyone, but it still hurts when your crush turns you down. There are lots of reasons why your crush might not be interested, so don’t let this shake your confidence. You’re an amazing catch and totally brave, so keep putting yourself out there.[1] We'll walk you through what to do if you want to avoid them as well as how to break the ice and avoid the awkwardness if you still want to be friends.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. Check out the full interview here.

4

Use a conversation starter if you’re not sure what to say.

  1. Asking a question or requesting a favor are both good starting points. You could also try saying something nice when you pass them in the hallway or telling them a joke to make them laugh.[5] Try something like:
    • “I saw you got a perfect score on the Spanish exam. Could you help me study for Tuesday’s quiz?”
    • “I can’t get my locker open. Can you help?”
    • “Do you know what time the debate tournament starts this Saturday?”
    • “Are you trying out for the school play this year?”
    • “Cool jacket!”
    • “I liked your slide show!”
    • “What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.”
    • “If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? Big hands.”
    • “What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.”
6

Take slow, deep breaths if you feel nervous about seeing them.

  1. Seeing your crush again after rejection can feel scary. This is totally normal, and your crush likely has no idea. When you’re about to see them, give yourself a moment to breathe in slowly, hold your breath for a second, and release. After a few deep breaths, you'll feel more relaxed.[7]
    • Let’s say you have a class with your crush. Before you go into the room, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I’m awesome.”
    • If you’re going to a school event where your crush will be present, steady yourself before you go inside by taking some deep breaths and telling yourself something like, “I look amazing.”
8

Pursue other people rather than chasing your crush.

  1. Dating around helps you get experience, which may impress your crush. Plus, it helps keep your mind off of your crush.[9] Ironically, your crush is more likely to look your way if they see you dating someone else.[10] Turn your attention to someone who’s caught your eye, and give them a shot.
    • Ask your friends if they know anyone who’s single. They might be able to set you up on a blind date.
    • Make a goal to talk to at least one new person every week. Who knows, you might find a new crush!
9

Focus on the future to prevent awkwardness.

10

Be your best self so they see what they missed out on.

  1. You deserve to be happy, so do what you love.[12] Post on social media daily about what’s going on in your life or about topics you find interesting. Hopefully, your crush will see that you’re a cool, fun person with lots of talents and interests.[13]
    • Challenge yourself to take one cool photo everyday.
    • You might post a pic of your outfit on Monday, a selfie with friends on Tuesday, yourself playing guitar on Wednesday, the sunset on the soccer field on Thursday, a book you’re reading on Friday, you and your friends at the movies on Saturday, and you playing with your dog on Sunday.
11

Give them—or yourself—space if either of you is uncomfortable.

  1. Don’t worry if things feel weird at first. That’s totally normal and will fade away over time. If things feel too uncomfortable, you and your crush might decide to stop talking to each other for a while.[14] It’s hard to pause your friendship with someone you really like, but your other friends can be there for you.
    • If it's you who needs space, reach out via text or social media when you feel comfortable talking to them again. Say, "Hey, how have you been?" or "I miss our hangs! What's up lately?"
    • If your crush needs space, wait for them to make the first move.
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12

Focus on moving on if you don’t want to just be friends.

Warnings

  • Accept your crush’s response rather than trying to change their mind. They’re probably just not right for you, but you can find someone else who is.[19]
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  2. Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  3. https://ideas.ted.com/why-rejection-hurts-so-much-and-what-to-do-about-it/
  4. https://www.ucdavis.edu/news/unrequited-love-how-stay-friends
  5. Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  6. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/minds-business/when-clothing-style-influences-cognitive-style.html
  7. https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2209
  8. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  9. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  1. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  2. https://www.ucdavis.edu/news/unrequited-love-how-stay-friends
  3. Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  4. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  5. https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-a-little-space-and-time-can-help-heal-a-relationship-crisis#1
  6. Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
  7. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  8. https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
  9. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
  10. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101

About This Article

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Written by:
Licensed Psychologist
This article was written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. This article has been viewed 45,271 times.
31 votes - 84%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: May 21, 2022
Views: 45,271
Categories: Emotions and Feelings
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