How to Have Friends

Last Updated: January 22, 2021 References

Maybe you are struggling to build friendships with those around or you are new in town and want to make friends. Building strong friendships can be a challenge, especially if you are introverted or shy. Having good friends can improve your overall outlook on life and make your day to day life much more fulfilling. To make friends, you can start by projecting a confident and friendly demeanor around others. You may then attempt to build friendships with others by seeking out opportunities to socialize and then maintaining your friendships so they are meaningful and long-lasting.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Acting Confident and Social Around Others

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Display open body language. Many people judge confidence based on how you carry yourself and present yourself to others. You can appear confident and appealing to people by displaying open body language. This will help you project a sense of self-worth and draw more positive attention in a room full of people.^{[1]
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- Displaying open body language means maintaining eye contact with the person you are addressing and with people in the room. Eye contact can be a big indicator of confidence.
- You should also take a relaxed stance, with your arms resting at your sides. Try to stand straight, with your shoulders rolled back. When you are speaking to someone, you should position your body so you are turned towards them and lean in so you can show them you are engaged in the conversation.
- Avoid slouching when seated or standing and do not cross your arms over your chest. These are all signs of closed body language, signaling to others that you are not approachable or willing to be social.
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Project positivity. You may find people prefer being around those who are positive and proactive. You should try to project a positive attitude so people find you appealing and fun to be around. You may work on developing a happy demeanor and focus on positive habits, rather than negative ones, so you are someone that people enjoy spending time with.^{[3]
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- You can be a positive addition to a conversation by telling a joke or a funny story. Using humor to communicate positivity can add levity and spontaneity to your interactions with others.
- You can also be a positive person by being empathetic towards the needs of others and by being a good listener. Showing empathy for someone will demonstrate that you can put your ego aside and focus on how you can best help and support that person. This is often appealing to people and is a strong quality of a good friend.
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Maintain a personal sense of style. Avoid following the latest trends and styles, as this may only show others that you are a follower and not confident enough to make your own choices. Instead of following trends, you should try to maintain your own personal sense of style. This means dressing for your body and based on your tastes. You should also try to always wear clothes and outfits that express who you are and what you like.^{[5]
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- Though you may be worried about standing out in a room due to your outfit or getting noticed in a weird look, you should try to embrace your own sense of what looks good. Have fun with your sense of style and do not be afraid to wear clothing that might seem strange or weird. Wearing any outfit with confidence will make it seem appealing to others.
- You may research more into dressing for your body type and look for clothing that suits your sense of style. You may also check your appearance in the mirror before you leave the house to confirm your outfit is great and you can walk out into the world with confidence.
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Appear well groomed and put together. You can also attract friends by presenting yourself so you appear well-groomed and well put together. Maintain good hygiene by taking a shower every day and putting some effort into your appearance. Though your outfit may be plain, it will still look confident and appealing if it is put together.^{[6]
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- You may stick to a regular bathing routine and wear deodorant to smell nice every day. You may also put on makeup as part of your daily routine and do your hair so you look put together and appealing to others.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Meeting New People

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Join social clubs at school or at work. One way you can meet people and build relationships with others is to join a social club at school or at work. Try to pick a social club that meets regularly. You join the student social club at school or the social committee at work. This type of club can really allow you to socialize and get to know others around you.^{[7]
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- Once you have joined the social club, you should make an effort to participate in the activities in the club and be an active member of the club. Showing enthusiasm and positivity can encourage others around you to become friends with you.
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Volunteer in your community. Another way you can build friendships is to spend your free time volunteering with organizations or groups in your community. Pick a cause that you are passionate about, such as helping the homeless or working with underprivileged kids. Then, see if there is a group or organization in your community that tries to address this cause.^{[10]
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- If there is no existing organization or group that serves your cause, you may start up your own organization and try to recruit members. This could be a good way for you to reach out to others in your community and connect.
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Take up a team challenge or activity. You can create friendships with others by taking up a challenge or activity where you have to work in a team. This could be a team sporting event where you work together as a team or an art event where you work with a group of other artists. Look for team challenges or activities in your area or community and sign up.^{[13]
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- If you are shy you may find it easier to do team challenges online. You may join an online gaming challenge and connect with others that way. Over time, you may end up moving your relationships with the other players into the real world, with face to face hangouts.
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Do a hobby you enjoy with others. You can also use your interests to help you connect with others. Focus on a hobby or activity you enjoy and see if there is a group that does this activity together. This will allow you to do something you like and be social at the same time.^{[16]
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- For example, maybe you enjoy playing basketball. You could then see if there is a basketball league in your community or a basketball after-school club. You could join the league to connect with other players and make friends.
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Initiate conversations with new people. Once you have put yourself in a social situation where you are surrounded by new people, you should make an effort to initiate conversations. You may start a good conversation with the person next to you or tell a funny story to get someone's attention and engage them in conversation. Striking up a conversation with a person could lead to hangouts in the future and the forming of a new friendship.
- While you are talking to the new person, you should maintain open body language. Maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to and keep your arms relaxed at your sides, with your body turned towards the person.
- You should also try to talk to new people on a daily basis if only to help you get better at talking to others. Chatting with someone on a consistent basis, or every time you see them can lead to the formation of a friendship. You may be comfortable with initiating a hang out once you have spoken to the person a few times and you both seem to get along.
- Make sure to listen to people and show genuine interest in what they say. Good listening skills are essential to positive relationships.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Friendships

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Spend quality time with your friends. Once you have friends, you should take steps to maintain your friendships. Gaining good friends is difficult and you do not want to have to start at square one if you start losing friends over time. You should always make an effort to spend quality time with your friends, doing things you both enjoy. This way, you and your friends have fun and you also build memories and share experiences together.^{[19]
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- For example, if you know your friend is a big fan of a certain comic book character, you may get her a pass to see the creator of the character at next year’s Comic-Con. Or, you may treat your friend to a night out at their favorite restaurant. Doing nice things for your friends and making your time together meaningful will show them how much you value their friendship.
- Don't get into the habit of waiting to be invited to do things with your friends. Invite your friends to do something fun. Sometimes people become complacent and wait around for an invitation when instead they should take the initiative to plan and invite their friends to something.
- Try asking your friend something like, "Are you around on Friday night? Do you want to see a movie or go to the football game?"
- Or you can ask, "Do you want to get together sometime this weekend? I would love to see you!"
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Support and cheer on your friends. You can also be a good friend by supporting and cheering on your friends when they need you. You should make an effort to keep up with what your friends are interested in and their goals. Supporting your friend’s goals and aspirations will show them that you can be there for them and are on their side.^{[20]
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- You may have friends who play sports and attend their games to show your support. Or you may have friends who do the performing arts and attend their performances so they have a familiar, friendly face in the crowd.
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Be honest with your friends. A good friend will also be honest. You should try to be okay with constructive criticism and feedback from your friends, especially if they have your best interests at heart. You should be willing, to be honest with your friends and accept that sometimes they may be honest with you.^{[21]
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- You should feel comfortable talking to your friends about issues or problems in your life, and they should also confide in you. You should look to your friends for advice and support and feel you can also give them advice when needed.
4
Maintain contact with your friends. An important part of having friends is maintaining contact with them. If you haven't seen your friend in about a week or so, or you've been spending time with other friends, drop them a quick text or call to ask how they're doing.
- You can say something like, "Hey! How'd your test go the other day?" or "Hey! I miss you! Let's grab coffee this week?"
- If you move away from your friends (or a friend moves away from you), set up a weekly or monthly phone call with that person. Try to make a plan to go visit your friend for the weekend.

Expert Q&A
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Question

Is it important to have a lot of friends?

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Some people get really obsessed with the number of friends they have, but the quality of friends really matters more. There have been longitudinal studies out of Harvard, over the course of 75 years, that showed that the biggest predictor—including blood sugar, lipids, cholesterol, and a whole host of other medical measurements—of longevity was the quality of friendships that people had. Not necessarily the number, but the quality.