How to Empathize

Co-authored by Annie Lin, MBA and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: November 16, 2022 References

Do you want to be more empathetic towards friends, family, loved ones, and even strangers in your daily life? It's a noble goal! Some people find it tough to empathize with others, but it's never too late to start practicing. Keep reading to learn about empathy, why it's so important, and how you can begin empathizing on a regular basis.

Things You Should Know

Empathy is critical to social interactions because it allows you to understand and connect with others.
Look at the world through other perspectives to feel empathy for the people around you. Actively listen, collect stories, and ask lots of questions.
Show compassion to everyone you meet. Acknowledge their feelings and offer encouraging words while also sharing information about yourself.

Section 1 of 3:

What is empathy?

1
Empathy means understanding and feeling other people's emotions. When you empathize with someone, you put yourself in their position so you can relate to them better, show them compassion, and do your best to help them. You can empathize with anyone, whether it's a partner or the stranger serving your coffee at a local cafe. There are 2 main types of empathy:^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- Affective (or emotional) empathy enables you to feel and mirror someone else's emotions.
- Cognitive empathy allows you to recognize another person's mental state and better understand their perspective.
2
Empathy is different from sympathy. Sympathy refers to showing sorrow or pity for someone else, whereas empathy is the ability to understand and actively share someone else's feelings. Sympathy isn't as helpful when you want to forge a real connection with someone because it doesn't involve seeing things from their perspective—whereas empathy does.^{[2]
X
Research source}

Section 2 of 3:

Becoming More Empathetic

1
Listen to other people and give them your full focus. Practice active listening when you talk to other people, and begin conversations with the intention of learning from them. Don't interrupt or spend the whole conversation distracted crafting your responses. It's important to stay in the moment and genuinely listen if you want to empathize and relate to someone.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Maintain eye contact with the other person and fully face them while they talk. Smile and nod so they know you're engaged with the conversation.
- Offer a few short verbal affirmations to show them you're listening. Say things like, "Mmhm," "Go on!" or "I understand." Be careful not to speak over the other person—wait for a pause before talking.
2
Imagine yourself in someone else's shoes. The best way to understand someone else's perspective is to pretend you're them for a moment. When listening to someone, consider their life and the problems they face. Then, think about how you might feel if you were in their position. What would you do? What emotions would you have? In time, you'll start feeling what the other person is feeling.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If someone gets upset over something you said, for example, stop and think about it. Is there an aspect of their background that explains why they're mad? Would you be upset if someone said that to you?
- When you feel the other person's emotions like they're your own, it's easier to understand and relate to them.
3
Acknowledge the other person's feelings and offer emotional support. When someone confides their feelings to you, they usually seek validation and compassion. Think about how they must feel and then verbally acknowledge those feelings. Follow up by showing concern and support; ask them how they're doing or if there's anything you can do to help.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- A good verbal acknowledgment could be, "I'm sorry you're going through this," or "That sounds really challenging!" React based on what they tell you, and show them you understand how they feel.
- Show interest by saying something like, "How are you feeling?" or "What has that been like for you?" If they describe a problem, you could add, "Can I help?" or "Let me know if there's anything I can do!"
- Offer support and encouragement. You could say, "I'm so proud of you, and I'm here for you no matter what," or "I'm happy to listen to you anytime. What do you need right now?"
4
Be fair and nonjudgmental. Keeping an open mind will help you empathize with people! Maintain a nonjudgmental attitude in your daily interactions and do your best to consider where other people are coming from. When you approach them with no judgment, you’ll feel more open to hearing their perspective (even if you decide you don’t agree with it).^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you feel like you don’t want to be around someone or you don’t like them, ask yourself why. Get to know them a bit more and put yourself in their shoes. Empathy will help you connect and relate to them.
- Remember that even if you don't agree with someone, you can still empathize. And after getting to know them better, you might find reasons to change your mind about the person.
- It's normal to slip up every now and again. Press pause if you start thinking about a disagreement or feeling critical about someone's choices. Return your attention to them and focus solely on listening.
5
Embrace your curiosity about others and ask questions. When talking to people you know, ask questions to show them you're listening and better understand them. However, starting conversations with people you don't know is also important! Ask them questions to better understand their identity and learn about an unfamiliar culture or lifestyle.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Talk to strangers. If you sit next to someone on a bus, start a conversation instead of reading a book!
- Try getting to know a neighbor or colleague you see often but rarely speak to.
- Social media is also handy for getting to know new and unfamiliar people. Follow a wide range of individuals with different backgrounds from yours on social media to get a sense of what their daily life is like.
6
Reflect on your own emotions to better understand them. Are you tuned in to your feelings? Do you know when you feel happy, sad, angry, or afraid? To understand someone else's emotions, you must first understand your own. Start expressing your emotions rather than repressing or ignoring them.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} Take time daily to reflect on your feelings and work through negative emotions so you can move past them.
- Pay special attention to body signals that indicate how you feel. For example, a knot in your stomach is a sign of nervousness. If your body is tense and your jaw is clenched, you could be stressed or frustrated.
- Your thoughts can also tell you how you’re feeling. For instance, if you’re thinking, “That’s not fair,” you might feel angry or upset. If you think, “This could be fun!” you’re likely excited or hopeful.
- Find a healthy outlet for negative emotions like anger and sadness, even if you just need to cry for a while. Try writing in a journal and talk to a trusted confidante as well.
- It's more fun to distract yourself with TV or games than think about sad things, but that prevents you from understanding your own emotions—or expressing them to someone else.
7
Be emotionally vulnerable and share your feelings in return. Vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's an act of courage that allows others to know and accept you fully. Get in the habit of telling your loved ones and friends how you really feel instead of brushing away your own feelings by saying, "I'm fine." Then, start vocalizing your needs. Tell them when you need help, support, or a sympathetic ear.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For example, you could say, "I'm feeling a little upset over something that happened at work. Could we talk about it? I'd like to get someone else's perspective on this."
- Take it one step at a time. You don't have to open all the floodgates at once. Ease into vulnerability by asking your partner for a small, easy favor or telling your friend one emotional detail about your day.
8
Expose yourself to new perspectives through books and stories. Absorbing different novels, films, shows, games, and other media is an excellent way to develop empathy. Fiction and nonfiction stories improve your ability to empathize by encouraging you to imagine what life would be like if you were someone else. As a result, you'll be more emotionally open to other people, too!^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
9
Look for similarities between you and other people, not differences. It's easy to label people before you really know them based on your differences. Instead, find commonalities with people with differing backgrounds—whether it's a hobby, shared values, or even a favorite book. Pay attention to their unique qualities to get a better understanding of who they are!^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- You don't have to have a similar background to someone else to feel empathy for them. Being empathetic is about experiencing what someone else is feeling. It doesn't have to be something you've felt before.
- Understand that everyone has biases that are subconsciously learned, but you can actively work to correct them. Identify and challenge your prejudices as you get to know people from all walks of life.
10
Work on a project or with a group that helps other people. Identify a cause you're passionate about and find out how to get involved, whether you join an organization, volunteer, or simply gather with people who have shared experiences. Develop empathy on a larger scale by working with others towards a common goal, inspiring social change and action among your peers.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For example, volunteer at your local animal shelter, a nursing home, or a soup kitchen. Join a local committee or do political activism.
- Start a book club for people who really like science fiction or create a support group for anyone dealing with loss and grief.
- Volunteering for a meaningful cause will help you empathize with the people you're helping and those around you.

Section 3 of 3:

Why is empathy important?

1
Empathy improves your relationships with other people. When you can listen to people without judgment and show them compassion, your friends, family, and loved ones will be eager to confide in you. Empathy also motivates you to help others wherever you can, from giving back to the community to offering your friend a shoulder to cry on. You'll be a more social person and a supportive friend or partner.^{[13]
X
Research source}
2
It can help you make wiser decisions in social interactions. When you can empathize with someone, you'll be able to pick up on their emotions and figure out the best way to approach them. In short, you'll raise your emotional intelligence—which is your ability to be aware of emotions and handle interpersonal relationships.^{[14]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For example, if your friend seems tired and stressed, you might suggest a casual, relaxing movie night rather than a loud and boisterous group outing at the bar.
3
Empathy prevents and minimizes interpersonal conflict. When you empathize with someone, you're less likely to be cruel or argumentative—even if you disagree. Empathy allows you to understand their perspective and imagine their life like it's your life. That makes settling conflicts amicably easier with a compromise that works for both sides.^{[15]
X
Research source}

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get premium answers for this article? Unlock premium answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I start building empathy?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program. Learn more: https://newyorklifecoaching.com

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It all starts with being in touch with your own emotions. Take a few minutes throughout your day to check on how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way.
Question

How can I recognize my own emotions?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program. Learn more: https://newyorklifecoaching.com

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It can help if you keep a journal about your mood and how you're feeling. That way, you can track when you're feeling happy, angry, sad, or excited.