How to Create Amazing Chemistry with a Guy

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: November 30, 2021 References

If you've just started dating someone new or you're in a relationship that's fallen into a routine, you're probably wondering what you can do to boost that natural attraction. Fortunately, we've got you covered! We'll tell you exactly what you can do to develop amazing chemistry with your guy.

1

Say something flirty or playful.

Show him that you're fun and interested in him! Tease him or say something suggestive to get his attention. Guys are pretty good at picking up when someone's flirting with them, so this is a great way to spark attraction. Not sure where to start? Here are some lines you could try:^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- "I don't think you realize how distracting you are."
- "You might be too much trouble for me to handle."
- "You're always at this coffee shop when I am. Are you following me?"

2

Make eye contact.

Let your gaze linger for a few moments instead of glancing away. Direct eye contact shows him that you're into him. The great thing about eye contact is that it's effective whether you're across the room or standing next to each other.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- For instance, if you're at a crowded bar and you see him across the dance floor, make eye contact for at least several seconds so he knows you're singling him out.
- If you're next to each other and you look deep into his eyes, it creates an intimate moment where you're connecting him.

3

Go into a date with a positive mindset.

Anticipate making a connection with the guy. There's so much pressure of hitting it off right away with someone, that it's easy to instantly decide that it's not going to work out. Instead of going on a date looking for chemistry, let yourself get excited about spending time with the guy. This can make you more comfortable and emotionally available.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- You might find that if you're more receptive to the guy, he's more open and authentic with you.

4

Break the touch barrier.

Hold hands, touch his shoulder, or rest your hand on his knee. When you've got chemistry, it probably feels physical. Your stomach may do a flip or your heart might feel like it's racing. Amplify that chemistry by touching your guy—this builds physical attraction that he'll definitely notice.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Want to drive him crazy? Gently brush your fingers across his back or down his arm. He'll be completely distracted by what seems to be a mindless gesture on your part.

5

Have fun and laugh together.

Sharing positive experiences brings you closer and stimulates your relationship. This is because laughing causes the body to release dopamine—the "feel-good" hormone. So, if you're having fun and doing lots of new things with your guy, not only will you feel more emotionally connected, you'll also feel great physically!^{[5]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- You don't have to do crazy, over-the-top activities to have fun. Even just surprising him with tickets to a ridiculous movie he really wanted to see will get you two laughing.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

6

Learn something new together.

This is a great way to bond in a new relationship or reignite the spark. After all, you're both vulnerable and probably a little nervous. Depending on what you're learning, you might be excited, too! These are all feelings that develop chemistry with the other person.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- For instance, you could take a salsa class, learn how to cook Italian food, or throw your own pottery. It doesn't matter what you choose so long as it's new to both of you and you enjoy yourselves.
- If you're in an established relationship where you don't feel chemistry anymore, learning together can really help. It gives you an activity to do together and something to talk about.

7

Have deep, genuine conversations.

Talk about your dreams and passions to show true interest in each other. Don't say things that you think he wants to hear—open up to him so he gets to see your vulnerable side and give him the opportunity to share, too. Listen closely when he speaks and ask thoughtful questions so he knows you're genuinely connected to what he's saying. Want to get the conversation going? Here are a few thoughtful questions to discuss:^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- "What personality traits are most important to you?"
- "Who's someone that's shaped the person you are today?"
- "Who do you know who is living life to the fullest?"
- "What's the most important object that you own?"

8

Surprise him with a romantic gesture.

A thoughtful gesture or treat shows them that you know what they like. It also lets them see that you're paying attention to their desires. For instance, you might know that he hates cooking but appreciates really good food. You could surprise him with a meal from his favorite food cart or book reservations at a hot new restaurant in town.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
- Try to personalize your gesture as much as possible. For instance, if you know your guy likes books, don't just hand him a gift card to a store. Go with him to the bookstore and hunt for books together. Then, ask him to share what he likes about his selections.

9

Develop a friendship with him.

It's easier to rekindle chemistry if you start with a solid relationship. If you're feeling like the spark has gone out of your relationship, put the focus back on the two of you. Do things that you enjoyed together in the early stages of your relationship so you feel that chemistry again.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- For instance, maybe you two used to go on hikes or check out bookstores together.

10

Give chemistry time to grow.

Not every relationship has that spark at the beginning. That's not to say that you can't develop true chemistry with a guy! You might be surprised to realize that you feel deep attraction and connection once you truly feel comfortable with each other. This just takes time.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
- Remind yourself of this if you're really compatible with a guy and you feel like you should have chemistry. Sometimes, it just takes familiarity for chemistry to click.

11

Bond over shared interests.

Get out of your relationship routine by deeply communicating with him. Think back to what originally brought you two together. Maybe you both have similar tastes in movies or you're passionate about the same social causes. Take time to talk about those interests or do things you both love.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- For instance, if you used to go to concerts together but it's been a few years, get tickets for whatever's playing. Even if it's not a great band, the experience of seeing a show together can help you connect again.

12

Go on exciting or spontaneous dates.

Do something thrilling so your heart gets pumping. We already mentioned that laughing releases dopamine which makes you feel good, but doing something exhilarating does too! Since you know your partner, think up dates that will surprise them. You might:^{[13]
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Expert Source

Mary Church, PhD
Research & Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- Ride roller coasters together
- Watch a horror film at a drive-in
- Take a trapeze class
- Play laser tag
- Do karaoke at a dive bar
- Visit a fortune teller together

13

Attract him with your self-confidence.

Guys are naturally drawn to people who have great self-esteem. To have chemistry with a guy, work on improving how you feel about yourself. You might write down a list of 10 things that you think are amazing about you. Then, remind yourself of these things so you're confident and assertive.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- For example, you might appreciate how kindly you treat others, the skills you've developed, or what's unique about your personality.