How to Give a Romantic Massage

Co-authored by Marty Morales

Last Updated: June 29, 2021 Approved

Romantic massages are more intimate and sensual than the average massage, and they can set the scene for a relaxing and couple-focused evening. Ambiance is important when setting up for a romantic massage, as is knowing how and where to massage. Remember to take your time, focus on your partner, and enjoy connecting with them in a new and exciting way.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Creating a Romantic Ambiance

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Set up the bed or couch with clean, soft sheets and pillows. If you’re giving a massage at home, chances are you don’t have a massage table, but that is okay! Pick a spot that is clean and clear of clutter, and lay down a set of clean sheets for your partner to lay on. Don’t forget to grab 1 or 2 pillows for beneath their head, back, or knees as needed.^{[1]
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- If the room isn’t clean, take 10 minutes to tidy up and put away clutter. Both you and your partner will feel more relaxed if the space is neat.
- Use 2 sheets—one for your partner to lay on top of, and 1 for them to put over themselves at the beginning of the massage in case they’re chilly.
2
Adjust the temperature in the room to a comfortable setting. This will depend on your partner—if they always run cold, turn the temperature up a little bit so the room is warmer than usual. If they’re usually warm, turn it down so they’ll be cool and comfortable.^{[2]
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- A space heater or fan can help make a big difference in the room’s temperature if you don’t have much time.
3
Dim the lights and set up a few candles for romantic mood lighting. Glaring overhead lights won’t do much for the mood, so turn those off and use candles for lighting instead. If you need more lighting, turn on a lamp. You could even cover a lamp with a sheer scarf to dim the light even more.^{[3]
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- For a special touch, light your partner’s favorite scented candle.
Warning: Never leave burning candles unattended. If you put a scarf over a lamp, make sure the fabric isn’t actually touching the lightbulb and remove the scarf as soon as you’re done so it doesn’t catch on fire.
4
Turn off your phones and all electronics so you won’t be interrupted. If you don’t want to turn your phone off, put it on “do not disturb” or airplane mode so that you won’t get any notifications during the massage. Put it off to the side or in a drawer so you won’t be tempted to check it. Ask your partner to do the same.^{[4]
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- Take this time as an opportunity to disconnect from work, school, and other commitments so you can focus on connecting with your partner.
5
Play ambient music to create a relaxed and calm atmosphere. Avoid music with a fast or heavy beat. Instead, opt for instrumental or ambient music for a calming effect.^{[5]
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- Check out whatever streaming service you use—many have pre-made playlists or stations that are made for relaxation. Search for “relaxing music” or “ambient music” to see what is available.
- “Zen,” “yoga,” and “meditation” are other keywords that could help you find the right music for the occasion.
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Spend time connecting with your partner before you begin. You could enjoy a nice glass of wine or take a bubblebath together. Or, simply spend a few minutes holding hands and talking.^{[6]
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- If your partner doesn’t already know, clue them in that you’re planning on giving them a romantic massage. They may want to take a shower or change their clothes before you begin.
Tip: Make sure you shower and brush your teeth before giving your partner a romantic massage. You’ll be in close proximity and will want to make sure you smell your best!

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Giving the Massage

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Rub a natural oil or cream between your hands before you begin. Sweet almond oil, coconut oil, and jojoba oil are good options that shouldn’t irritate your partner’s skin. Use ¹⁄₂ tablespoon (7.4 mL) to start and add more to your hands when they get dry. You must rub it between your hands to warm it up before you begin.^{[7]
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- Add a few drops of essential oils to the carrier oil or cream to give it a pleasing scent. Lavender, peppermint, bergamot, and sandalwood are great options.
Warning: Never use pure, undiluted essential oils to give a massage. Mix 3-4 drops with 1 to 2 tablespoons (15 to 30 mL) of a carrier oil first. Undiluted essential oils could irritate the skin.
2
Use long strokes with gentle pressure, starting at the neck and shoulders. Have your partner lay on their stomach so you can work on their shoulders and back first. Remember, your goal isn’t to give your partner a deep-tissue massage or work out their sore muscles. It’s to awaken their body and gently touch them all over.^{[8]
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- Check in with your partner to see if the amount of pressure you’re using is good. They may want a deeper massage or prefer less pressure.
- Let your hands glide over their skin. Count slowly in your head to 20 for each section that you massage, like their neck, left shoulder, right shoulder, the middle of the back, etc.
3
Spend time massaging their lower back. Stand or sit so that you and your partner are facing the same direction. Put your hands flat on their lower back, near their hips, and push forward toward the middle of their back. Count to 20 as you massage this area, but feel free to do it for longer if your partner likes it.^{[9]
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- If your partner is comfortable with it, you could also give them a gentle butt massage. Use your elbow to gently put pressure on your partner’s butt, starting at the top and working your way down to the bottom. Repeat on the opposite side.
EXPERT TIP

Marty Morales
Professional Massage Therapist
Marty Morales is a Professional Massage Therapist and the Founder and Owner of the Morales Method, a manual therapy and body conditioning business based in the San Francisco Bay Area and in Los Angeles, California. Marty has over 16 years of massage therapist experience and over 13 years of experience educating others on the best practices for massage therapy. Marty has over 10,000 hours of private practice logged and is a Certified Advanced Rolfer and Rolf Movement Practitioner, CMT. He has an MBA in Finance from Loyola Marymount University, Los Angeles.

Marty Morales
Professional Massage Therapist

Communicate with your partner throughout the massage. If your partner believes in 'no pain, no gain,' you can work a little around the pain zone and keep communication open — ask them how it feels before you keep going. If they tell you they like that spot, you can focus on the area.
4
Massage their arms and legs so that every part of their body is relaxed. Part of the romantic massage is making your partner feel very relaxed but also aware of their body. Gently rub your hands up and down their arms and longs with long, firm movements. Have them start on their stomach as you massage the backs of their legs, then ask them to flip over to their back so you can massage their arms and the fronts of their legs.^{[10]
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- Remember to count to 20 for each part of the body. The upper left arm, upper right arm, lower left arm, lower right arm, and so on should each get their allotment of time.
5
Remember to give their feet some TLC. Add more cream or oil to your hands, and gently rub the bottom of their feet in large circles. Make small circles around their ankles, and gently massage between your partner’s toes.^{[11]
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- Depending on how ticklish your partner is, you may have to skip this part. But if they enjoy it, it’s worth spending some time on.
6
Work on their inner thighs with a firm but gentle pressure. The inner thighs are very sensitive and are also a sensual area for both men and women. Focus on the area between the knee and the groin. Use gentle but firm strokes and count to 20 on each side.^{[12]
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- How high up toward the groin you take the massage is between you and your partner. If they give you any non-verbal signs, like putting their legs together or moving away from you, you may be moving too high up their leg.
7
Take your time before massaging their more sensitive or sensual places. A romantic massage can be just that, or it could be fantastic foreplay before something more sexual. Start with a gentle full-body massage before getting close to those more sensitive areas, like the breasts, the groin, or the butt.^{[13]
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Warning: Always pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. Remember that your focus during the massage should be on your partner and not necessarily on what may or may not come after the massage. Always get your partner’s consent before moving on to an explicitly sexual massage.
8
Let your partner relax after the massage and take their time getting up. Chances are, your partner is going to be in a state of maximum relaxation and won’t want the lights flipped on and the door flung open as soon as it’s over. Allow them to lay still for a while, and take that opportunity to do some relaxing yourself!
- If your partner fell asleep during the massage, let them rest!

Community Q&A

Question

Can I drape a towel over my partner's face?

Community Answer

If they are okay with it, then yes, you can drape a towel over your partner's face.
Question

What do I do if the person giving me a massage spends an uncomfortable amount of time on my private parts?

Community Answer

Tell them to stop. As soon as you feel even remotely uncomfortable during a massage, or any other romantic or sexual activity, you should immediately speak up. If the person will not stop, end the activity completely and have a serious talk about respect and consent.
Question

How do I give my partner a massage if he hates stuff that helps me relax?

Community Answer

Likely, there isn't anything you can do. You can ask your partner why they don't like it, but don't try to force them into anything they don't want to do.