How to Be Romantic in Bed

Last Updated: May 26, 2022

Everybody likes a little romance. This is great for a relationship, bringing you closer to each other, and it opens opportunities for you and your partner to get to know each other better too. Being more romantic isn't hard either and good results can come from adding in just a few basic moves.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Starting with the Basics

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Snuggle with your partner to help bonding.^{[1]
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Research source}Snuggling is a great romantic activity and it doesn't take a lot of skill, preparation, or extra effort. It's also a great way to transition into just about any bedroom activity, from foreplay to a serious talk. Go slow on this step. Snuggle for a long time, at least 20 minutes, before moving on to other activities. Use the time instead to talk and caress their body gently, stroking their hair and running your finger along their collar-bone.
- When you're snuggling is also a great time to talk about your relationship and your future, which can be really romantic for partners that have been together almost a year or more.
- Really, you can talk about anything you want to talk about. However, talking about needing to go to the grocery store on Saturday isn't very romantic. Just keep that in mind.
- Don’t schedule romance in bed or just outright say that you want to go have sex. Being romantic means being subtle, so you’ll need to either wait until you’re in bed as normal or find another way to get them in bed and set the tone for romance. Try flirting and then taking their hand and leading them to the bed.
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Kiss or make out. If you think you've got kissing mastered and there's no room for improvement, think again. Everyone can always stand to get better with their technique and execution can be everything. Don't discount kissing and making out: both can be very romantic. Break the mold in terms of the kisses you're giving your partner right now in favor of something new and exciting.
- Get creative with your kisses. Kiss every freckle and mole. Put on lipstick and “draw” a heart with kisses. There are lots of ways to making kissing more romantic, sexy, and memorable.
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Give your partner a massage. Giving your partner a massage is a goldie but oldie when it comes to being romantic. Massages are very relaxing and a great way to lead in to other romantic activities. You don't even need to be very strong. A light touch in just the right places will still feel just as good.^{[2]
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Research source}
- Try putting a bottle of massage oil (or baby oil, if that's easier to find) in a bowl of warm water and warm up your hands before putting the oil on their skin. The warm sensations will get the massage off on the right foot.
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Surprise them with what they find under your clothes. The vast wonderland hiding under our street clothes is a space generally reserved specifically for ourselves and our partners. When you give them a treat to find under your clothes, you can really take them by surprise, especially if you're not the sort of person that usually does that kind of thing.
- You can wear sexy lingerie, write a love note in permanent marker, or get creative with your shaving routine (turning your pubic or chest hair into a heart shape, for example, but admittedly not for everyone).
- This means you’re going to want to go the extra length on your clothes and underwear too. Pass on the ratty stuff with holes and stains and go for something that’s appropriate for the mood.
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Partake in some partner-focused foreplay. If you've not been partaking in foreplay up to this point, now is the best time to start. If your foreplay has been a little...one-sided, now is the time to turn the tables. By throwing all of your attention into your partner's pleasure, you'll really grab their attention. And their gratitude.
- If you are a guy, try to turn your girl on. A good form of foreplay for women is oral sex, since this is the most effective form of stimulation for her anatomy.
- If you are a girl, try to turn your boyfriend on. A good option for turning your guy on is wearing sexy underwear and letting him discover it slowly, like unwrapping a Christmas present.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Learning What to Say

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Be open about your feelings.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} The best place to start is by just telling your partner how you feel. You don't need to worry about being really eloquent or coming across as cheesy. As long as you speak from the heart and are honest about your feelings, your partner will be very touched. Tell them what they mean to you and what your life feels like when they're in it. This will make them feel great and help set a really romantic mood.
- For example, you can say something like, "When I'm with you everything feels like coming home after being completely lost. When I'm with you, I feel like I have my compass. I'll never be lost again."
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Borrow the words of others. You can also try the traditional route and use romantic songs, poems, and quotes to get them feeling all warm and fuzzy. This works particularly well if you use words from something that means a lot to them. Quoting one of their favorite romantic moments from a movie, memorizing their favorite poem, or singing them their favorite love song are all great ways to get your romance on. Just be careful not to be cheesy!
- Good classic poems to recite include Shakespeare's "Sonnet 116" or E.E. Cummings "somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond".
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Talk about the things that you want for your partner.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Talking about all the good things that you want for your partner gives you a great way to express your love in a way that really puts the focus on them. This is very romantic and will warm their heart with feelings of love and affection.
- You can talk about how much you want them to achieve their dream or how much you want them to not have to worry about the things that they struggle with right now.
- For example, you can say something like, "I really want you to be able to travel the world and see all the things you're always telling me about...and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure you get that chance."
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Tell them how sexy they are. Telling your partner just how sexy they are can be hugely romantic. It's especially important when your partner doesn't really see themselves as a sexual creature or someone that's desirable, because when you show them that you do think of them this way then they start to feel better about themselves. By showing them how sexy you think they are, they'll become more comfortable and have a better time in the bedroom.
- Say something like, "You look so hot like that. I feel like a teenager again..."
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Talk sexy and dirty. We tend to write off sexy talk as not being very romantic but it certainly can be. Talking dirty and sexy opens up boundaries and brings the two of you closer together by giving you an easy way to talk about what you like and what you want. This can be key to making a relationship more fulfilling and longer-lasting.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}
- Say something like, "I love it when you do that with your tongue..."

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Creative

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Transform your bedroom into a getaway. You can really knock your partner off their feet by transforming your bedroom into a romantic getaway. This is a great option for birthdays and anniversaries, but also as a "just because" gesture. Bring out the flower petals and scented candles for a traditional look or you can use props and decorations to create a theme.^{[6]
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- For example, you can get incense, fabrics, pillows, and maybe a quick new coat of paint to give a room an Indian makeover before you show your partner just how much you can both learn from the Kama Sutra. You can also set a soundtrack to further the scene. Try anything by Ravi Shankar or try Anoushka Shankar if you want something a little more modern and sexy.
- You can also buy fancy fabric to drape and hang from the ceiling and walls, transforming an unromantic room into a plush love-den.
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Get some chocolate body paint. Chocolate body paint is a great way to get romantic (and delicious) with your partner. This body paint, easily picked up from sex shops or online retailers, lets you write love notes and play games using your skin and your tongue!
- You can even make chocolate body paint yourself at home.
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Feed your partner. Set up a sexy picnic in your bed with lots of foods that are fun to feed your partner. You can spoil them with peeled grapes, chocolate dipped strawberries, or spicy chocolates. Take turns feeding each other while you listen to sexy music. Before you know it, you'll be ready to eat each other up instead.
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Set up a mini movie theater. Going to the movies is romantic but going to the movies by yourselves is even more romantic. However, not everyone can afford to rent out a whole theater for a single date. Skip the price tag and set up a theater in your bed instead. Drag the TV into your room or use a computer or laptop as your movie screen. Set everything up with popcorn and a candy stand, so that your partner feels like they're going to see a real movie.
- It's a good idea to try to choose a movie which has significance to the two of you. Try to track down the first movie you ever saw together, for example.
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Set up a photo shoot. A unique way to get romantic in the bedroom is with couples photography or couples erotic photography. This is where you get pictures taken of you in the bedroom, in a romantic setting. This may include the two of you naked or even fully clothed. It's up to you but having sexy, romantic pictures of each other will be great to gave around. It also creates associations in your mind, between being in your bed and the excitement and feelings of the photo shoot.
- You can find photographers that specialize in this kind of photography or you can do it yourself. Of course, it will be hard to get pictures of the two of you together that way but you can take lots of sexy pictures of each other without the discomfort of having another person in the room.