How to Get a Guy to Fall for You

Last Updated: June 24, 2022 References

He loves you, he loves you not, he loves you... Or at least he will, if you know how to play your cards right. Try a few subtle strategies to get him to start thinking of you as more than a friend, like winning over his friends or using your body language to flirt. Then take things further by being vulnerable, learning what makes him happy, and being your best, most confident self.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Changing How He Thinks about You

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Spend a lot of time near him so you’re always on his mind. The more you’re around him, the more he’ll think of you, even if it’s subconsciously at first. Go to events you know he’ll be at, like the Friday night football game, or hang out at some of his favorite places, like the local coffee shop.^{[1]
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- Do not stalk or smother him. If you suddenly show up everywhere, he will either get suspicious or feel uncomfortable.
- Make sure he sees you in situations where you’re at your best. For example, if you know you’ll see him at the gym, wear a cute outfit. Or if you’re going to the same party, challenge him to a game of table tennis (or other secret talent!).
2
Do something adventurous together to make him feel attracted to you. Adrenaline or fear produces the same reactions in your brain as physical attraction to someone does, so plan a date that gets your blood-pumping, like rock climbing or riding roller coasters at the nearby amusement park.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} He’ll start to associate those feelings of arousal and excitement with you, instead of the event itself.^{[3]
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- Try an activity as small as watching a scary movie or as big as going indoor skydiving.
- While it’s best to do this one-on-one so he thinks of you when he remembers the feeling, you can also go as a group. Just make sure you get some quality time with him.
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3
Win over his friends so he knows he can trust you. People naturally trust their friends and value their opinions. If he sees you all getting along, he’ll feel more comfortable with you. Find out what his friends like to do and plan a group outing, like mini golf or brunch, where you can get to know them.^{[4]
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- You can also invite along your friends so he can meet them as well.
- Do some background research on his friends before you meet them, by looking at their social media accounts, for example. It’s important to know that Joe just broke up with his girlfriend before you accidentally ask him how she’s doing!
- If he doesn’t offer to introduce you to his friends and it’s been a couple of weeks, bring it up casually yourself. Say something like, “I was thinking it would be fun to get our friends together to watch the big game this weekend. Want to?”
- Never badmouth or make fun of his friends. Even if he does it first, don’t take it as an invitation to join in. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
4
Talk about romance or love so he associates you with those things. If you want him to think of you as someone he could fall in love with, train his brain to think of certain words, ideas, or feelings when he thinks about you by bringing up those topics in conversation. For example, use the word "love" a lot when you're talking to him, tell him a cute story about your friend's new boyfriend, or gush about how adorable the royal couple is.^{[5]
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- Do this subtly so it's not forced or obvious.
- For instance, you could talk about how today is your parents' wedding anniversary or ask if he saw the new romantic comedy that just came out, too. Say something like, "I love that new movie with Jennifer Lawrence. Rom coms are just so cute!"
- You can also use images or sounds, like by turning on a love song playlist when he's around or wearing a cute heart T-shirt.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Using Body Language

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Maintain eye contact to make him feel loved and valued. When someone is in love, they make eye contact more with that person than they do with anyone else. If you look into his eyes a lot, especially when he’s talking, it will bring up feelings he had the last time he was in love.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Those positive emotions will then be associated with you.^{[7]
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- Don’t stare at him for too long or you’ll scare him. Every so often, glance away, then drag your eyes back to him to break it up.
- You can also add a flirty eyelash flutter. Blinking a lot is a natural reaction when you like someone, so it subtly shows that you’re into him.
2
Mirror his movements to show that you’re in sync. If you copy his body language, tone, and behaviors, he’ll feel like the 2 of you are on the same wavelength. Smile when he does, match his soft-spoken voice by quieting your own, or angle your body just like his is.^{[8]
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- For example, if he has his chin propped on his hands on the table, do the same.
- This applies when you’re walking together, too. Speed up or slow down to match his pace.
- Don’t imitate every single thing he does. Make your behaviors seem natural instead of creepy by mimicking every couple of movements instead.
3
Touch him often to create a physical connection. Studies have shown that touching someone increases their attraction to you. Find any excuse to touch him, whether it’s lightly laying a hand on his forearm when he tells a funny joke or giving him a brief hug when you say goodbye.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}^{[10]
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- Make your touches seem accidental if you don’t want to be too obvious. For instance, graze his arm when you get up to get a drink or brush his foot under the table.
- Keep your touching above the waist so you don’t cross any boundaries or make him feel uncomfortable. Arms, shoulders, and face are safe spots if you aren’t sure.
More Ways to Attract Him with Your Body Language

Bite your bottom lip when he's looking at you.

Smile often to light up your face.

Alternate between looking in his eyes and looking at his lips.

Lean in towards him or angle your body to face him.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Deepening Your Connection

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Figure out what makes him feel the most loved. Everyone has a different way that they like to receive love, whether it’s through touch or receiving gifts. Pay attention to what you or other people do that makes him happiest to determine how he likes to be loved. Then focus on doing more of that so he feels like you truly understand him.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- For example, if he likes being told that he's special, make sure you say things like, "Thanks for helping me with my homework. You're so smart!" or "I love the way you always know how to cheer me up."
Determining How He Likes to Be Loved

If he enjoys being complimented, words may be the way to his heart. Tell him how you feel, send him sweet texts, or write him a love note.

If he’s happiest when you’re helping him with something, he likes when people do meaningful things for him. You could offer to tutor him in math, for example, or rub his shoulder when he complains that it hurts.

If he lights up whenever you get him a present, getting gifts makes him feel valued. Buy him his favorite candy the next time you see him, for instance.

If he gets sad when you’re apart, he likes quality time. Plan a date night in together or spend a lazy Saturday snuggling.

If he always wants to hold hands, physical touch is important to him. Give him more hugs or lay your legs on his lap on the couch.
2
Fill a hole in his life so he realizes how much he needs you. If you can give him what no one else can, he will likely develop very strong feelings for you. For example, if he doesn’t have anyone who supports his dream of being a professional athlete, be his biggest cheerleader.^{[13]
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- Think about your strengths, too. If you’re a great listener, you can be the person he tells all of his deepest feelings to.
- For example, if he always mentions how he has trouble talking to his guy friends when he's sad, you can say something like, "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I won't judge!"
- Don’t try to “fix” him. There’s a difference between being there for someone versus trying to change them into who you think they should be.
3
Share secrets to create intimacy between the 2 of you. Being open and vulnerable shows him that you trust him and want to be closer to him emotionally. Tell him things about yourself that not many people know and make sure you really listen when it’s his turn to open up.^{[14]
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Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Start small, then share bigger, deeper things about yourself as the relationship progresses.
- For example, on the first date, you might confess that you love trashy reality shows. Then on the 10th date, you might tell him about your parents’ divorce.
4
Be your best self to make him see how awesome you are. Instead of completely focusing on how to get him to fall for you, think about yourself. How can you be the best version of yourself and be the confident, self-assured girl he wants and deserves? Work on yourself as much as you work on your relationship by pursuing your own interests, spending time with your friends, and learning to love who you are.^{[16]
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Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Instead, improve the parts of you that you don’t like.
- For example, instead of spending your weekend stalking his ex on Instagram, use that time to work on your painting skills. He’s more likely to fall for a girl who has passions and interests and loves herself first.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I win a man's heart?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

It all begins with you being your authentic self. You improve your chances of being seen as a long-term partner if you confidently know your worth and share your vulnerabilities.
Question

How do I keep him wanting more?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

Try improving your listening skills and making an effort to have quality time with the guy, as this is the only way to improve your connection.
Question

What to say to him to make him want you?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

The guy will be drawn to a partner who will not try to change him but accepts him for who he is and loves him according to his love language.