How to Get Your Significant Other to Stop Wearing Ugly Clothes

Co-authored by Veronica Tharmalingam

Last Updated: July 8, 2022 References

The way your significant other dresses can feel like an extension of you. If you are someone who takes your personal style very seriously, having a significant other who drops the ball in that department can be more than a little embarrassing. However, outwardly saying you’re embarrassed or cutting up all of their shirts is not the way to go about solving the problem. Instead it takes a lot of tact, patience, and sometimes even understanding to get them out of their stylishly-lacking rut and into a style you’re comfortable with being seen with.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Showing Them How to Improve Their Wardrobe

1
Plan a shopping date for the two of you. Try to limit shopping to two hours and even people who have the highest phobias towards shopping will accommodate the activity. The use of the word “date” makes it sound more fun and implies less pressure than shopping because you’re not a fan of his or her style.^{[1]
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2
Buy them clothes as “just because” presents. Don't bring them shopping with you if they hate shopping. Be sure to get their measurements to know exactly what sizes they are in shirts, pants, jackets, and shoes.^{[2]
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Research source} Keep the tags on the things you buy and if they don't like it, return it.
- Buy things that you feel matches their personality and style. Think about what they would feel comfortable in and make purchases accordingly.^{[3]
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- Use items in their closets that they currently love. If you notice they are looking a little aged or worn, find suitable replacements for those items.^{[4]
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  Research source} Also, offer to help them organize their wardrobe—this makes it easier for them to pull out stuff quickly and put a more fashionable look together.
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3
Compliment your partner when they're wearing nice clothes.^{[5]
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Research source} It’s a sign of positive reinforcement that is much more effective in encouraging him or her with wearing more of the things you like to see them in. A little extra affection won't hurt either.
- If your partner is wearing a shirt, a pair of jeans, or a dress that makes them look incredible, make it a point to voice that to them.
- Say what it is specifically about the article of clothing that you like.
- If you think short-sleeved tees on him make his arms and torso look more defined, say that.
- If you like the high-waisted jeans she’s been wearing lately because they make her curves look even more apparent, say that too.
- Refrain from saying mean, overly sarcastic things that take a knock at what your partner is wearing.^{[6]
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4
Suggest streamlining both of your wardrobes. Because you’ve added newer pieces into his or her closet, suggest throwing out older pieces that might not match your newer looks. Donate what you throw out to a local secondhand store like Goodwill. ^{[7]
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- Make sure to include things from your wardrobe in the donation box too to show that it is more about donating than it is about getting rid of his clothes.
- If your partner is at all resistant to throwing out their things, let it go. It’s just a suggestion, not an effort of aggression.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Styling Your Partner to a Better Wardrobe

1
Concentrate on the fit of the clothes. When you’re taking your partner shopping to help improve their wardrobe, remember that the key to having a great sense of style is how the person wears their clothes. Instead of believing a higher price tag means great style, guide them to clothes that fit. Steer clear of shirts or pants that might be too loose or dresses and skirts that are too tight. People not only look better, but also feel better when their clothes actually fit.^{[8]
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Lead them to a style that’s theirs and not yours. Helping your partner with their style does not mean they become your mannequin with no say about what they wear. The style they already have should act as a foundation to the looks you show and suggest they go with when you two shop for their closet.^{[9]
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- Although you’re styling your partner through your guidance, it is their personality that should drive the things you put them in.^{[10]
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- For example, if your partner is into a sporty aesthetic, think of ways to elevate that initial sense of style.
- Instead of wearing strictly sweatpants, show them that a graphic jersey tee with a pair of jeans and clean sneakers is a sporty, stylish look.
3
Include shoes in your attempts to put together looks. Sometimes the footwear is forgotten about when putting together tops and bottoms, but they are actually a very integral part of a great outfit. Suggest to your partner that their shoe collection boasts the inclusion of classic shoes like Toms, Nikes, or Converses. For dressier events, oxfords, heels, or a great boot are other ways to be classic and stylish at the same time.^{[11]
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Pay attention to details and add finishing touches. Whether your partner has decided to take you up on your style advice or not, it’s worth it to suggest that they incorporate details in a way to emulate their style.^{[12]
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Research source} Propose that they include personality in their outfits by adding ties, a watch, jewelry, and/or a hat.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Becoming More Accepting of Their Style

1
Encourage their sense of style. If they stubbornly cling to their clothing choices, find a way to respect that. Don’t feel the need to offer disingenuous compliments, and instead, focus on the things you like about their style. Offer positive reinforcement by paying special attention to those details.
- Be specific about things you like about outfits you might ordinarily want to insult.
- If she’s wearing a dress you don’t particularly care for, touch on aspects about it that you do like.
- Ignore the graphic tee with too many holes that you hate, and instead direct your attention to the way it shows off his arms.
2
Ask questions about their style. When your partner wears something that you don’t like, distance yourself from using questions like, “You’re wearing that?” and instead ask honest, thoughtful questions that might help you better understand them and their clothing choices.^{[13]
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Research source} That way your questions sound more interested than judging.
- For most people, their personal style is an extension of who they are. Ask questions that touch on that feeling.
- “Whose personal style do you most admire?”
- “What is it about your favorite item that draws you to it?”
- “Do certain types of clothing make you feel more or less confident? Why?”
- Have an open mind to the answers he or she gives you, really listen to them, and get a better understanding of the things that inspire their clothing selections.^{[14]
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Offer help only when it’s requested. Don’t be pushy about sharing fashion tips and tricks. Wait for him or her to come to you about wanting to take their style to the next level. Them feeling like it is their decision to upgrade their wardrobe is a great way to not alienate them about what they like or find stylish.^{[15]
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- If your partner comes to you and asks you to help them pick a couple of items, go for it.^{[16]
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- If they are not into the idea of changing up their looks, accept it and respect it as their decision.
4
Intervene in wardrobe selections only when necessary. In other words, choose your battles wisely. Since you’re making it a point to be respectful of your partner’s clothing choices, only make style choices for them when it’s absolutely necessary. If they enjoy wearing what they want to wear on an everyday basis to do chores or to hang out with friends or to run errands, let them be. But if it’s an important occasion, like a friend’s wedding or a networking event and their trying to wear what they normally wear – you might have to say something about it.^{[17]
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- Make exceptions for special occasions if you feel their clothes are disrespectful or inappropriate.
5
Respect how they dress themselves every day. If you are a control freak about the way your partner looks, this is the step you need to employ the most. Refrain from micromanaging your partner’s wardrobe. Respect the boundaries you’ve established between your wardrobe choices and respect the fact that your partner is an adult.^{[18]
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- Do not pick outfits for them to wear every single night. You are not your significant other’s parent or their keeper as far as their outfit choices go.
- Do not take it upon yourself to get rid of a pair of ripped, holey jeans that you know is your partner’s go-to jeans to wear.
- Do not get rid of the skirt you feel hikes up too much in the back while your partner walks.
- It’s not your place to decide what gets thrown out of their closet, especially if they don’t ask you to.

Community Q&A

Question

I've been dating a guy for about a year, and have kept quiet about his style. He wears baggy jeans and the same sweater every day. I've taken him shopping and bought him things. What else can I do?

Community Answer

If it's really bothering you that much, you should just tell him. Try saying something like, "I love you, but I really wish you put a little more effort into how you dress." Then be specific about how you want him to change. A lot of guys don't really think about what they wear, so they're fine with taking direction from a significant other or someone else.

Warnings

Your significant other may interpret your behavior as controlling and maybe it is! See How to Find out What Makes a Controlling Person to make sure that your actions aren't based in the need for control.

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They're just clothes. Don't get too bent out of shape over this issue. There should be other aspects that define your relationship and make it one that you want to be in.

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