How to Get Your Boyfriend to French Kiss You when He Doesn't Know How to

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: September 11, 2022 References

Teenagers and young adults tend to kiss while in a relationship. There are many ways to kiss, like french kissing, but some guys just don't know how. Since no one is born knowing how to kiss, just relax, communicate, and let the moment tell you what to do.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing Your Boyfriend

1
Be patient and give your boyfriend time. Some people need more time than others. It's normal for people to be inexperienced, and it's also normal for that person to feel self-conscious when they know that they are inexperienced.
- If he has voiced his concern about not being "good enough" or not "knowing how", make it clear to him that you'd like to just try and that you won't judge him.
2
Make sure that your boyfriend wants to kiss you. While it may sometimes be okay to read body language to determine whether he wants to, it is best to always ask. Getting consent before kissing someone (or engaging in any physical activity, especially intimate / sexual) is incredibly important.
- It might feel kind of awkward but you should really just be frank about it. But don't be pushy, because it might come off as you being more worldly than he is, which could make him feel insecure. Above all else, listen to what he has to say and be sensitive and understanding about it.
- Make sure he is comfortable about it as he could have a valid reason stopping him from doing so but doesn't want to tell you. For example, his culture or religion may forbid such activities.
3
Make him feel comfortable. Choose a time and place where the mood is romantic and you have no chances of being interrupted and start out slow. Keep in mind the atmosphere, approach it as a game or fun activity not an assignment.
- If he isn't comfortable, give him space and give him a choice.
4
Tell him that you would like to try french kissing. Talk to him about it and explain why you want to try it. Also, let him know that it's okay if he hasn't done it before or doesn't know how because you want to learn together.
- If he is worried about it, don't push him. It is important to let people make these kinds of decisions at their own pace. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you or isn't interested - he may just be nervous, for example.
5
Get him to look on a guide. If you both don't know how to french kiss, watch some tutorials together and even go as far as to ask people how they do it.
- This may be awkward; you could ask a youthful family member like an older sibling or cousin for advice.
6
Teach him yourself. If you have some experience with french kissing, try helping him with technique. For example, sit with him and say that you would like to french kiss with him, if he says something about his lack of skill just say that you can help because you've tried it before.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting the Technique Right

1
Make eye contact and be flirtatious. You can ease into things by going for a simple peck or a kiss on the cheek.^{[1]
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- You can do things a bit slower than normal to signal that you're going in a different direction than what he is use to.
- When you stare into his eyes, you're letting those butterflies build up in yourself. There's a good chance that your boyfriend will also be feeling nervous and excited, since couples tend to mirror each other in these situations.
2
Start out slow and begin kissing with lips closed. When he is ready to try it, continue kissing the way you normally would until you are both comfortable enough to move forward.
- Spend as much time as you need.
3
Part your lips but keep your tongues inside your own mouths. When kissing on the lips seems to progress into a more passionate activity, begin to open your mouth, inviting interaction, hoping his mouth will follow your touch.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source} Again, continue this way until you both feel ready to move forward.
- Movement and pressure changes means he'll want to maintain contact. Some people like intense and immediate surprises, but it can vary from person to person.^{[3]
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4
Use your tongue. While kissing, open your mouth and lightly touch his lips with your tongue. If he opens his mouth, you're set!^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source} If he doesn't open his mouth, do not try to shove your tongue in anyway. Otherwise you might freak him out. Keeping his lips closed is basically his way of saying he doesn't feel ready.
- You can start with the lower lip, passing to the top one and then, the moment of the truth, you're going to try to touch his tongue with yours.
- Try teasing a bit, make him want more, he will respond.^{[5]
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- It might take a few sessions, so be patient and see if he will reciprocate.
5
Try out different amounts and styles when you do begin to use tongue. Some people like to use a lot of tongue, while others prefer to use only a small amount. A basic french kiss usually starts with gently introducing your tongues into each other's mouths.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
Go Ask Alice
Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
Go to source}
- Don't push your tongue in too far or close both of your lips all the way over their mouth.
- You can try flicking your tongue in and out quickly, running it along his lips / the edges of his teeth, sucking lightly on his tongue / lips, etc.^{[7]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Go Ask Alice
  Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
  Go to source}
6
Try a variety of things until you both know what you enjoy. Remember, that if either of you feels uncomfortable or wants to stop, you need to stop.
- Above all, make sure that you're matching your boyfriend's movements and energy during the kiss. You want to be fitting together nicely like a puzzle piece rather than bumping into each other.
7
Be sure to check in and make sure he is enjoying it and wants to continue. Making sure the other person consents to any type of intimate activity is an ongoing process.^{[8]
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- If your boyfriend is still bad at it, or if there is anything that you do not like or would like to change, talk to him.
8
Let him know how much you enjoy it. A sigh or soft moan might signal your pleasure. Hold his head closer, stroke his hair, nibble his ears and whisper what you like.
9
Be specific and kind when you tell him what you don't like. Offer advice for ways in which he could improve. You can always tell him what you like, since kissing is a great way to communicate.
- If he does something weird or not to your liking just say "Hey, like this" and lead by example. It won't be perfect the first time but you guys will find a balance with practice.
- Let him know that you're not upset or disappointed, but that you want to work together to make sure that both of you are enjoying your intimate moments.
- Offer to show him what you like, which may put him more at ease.
- Remember—practice makes perfect when it comes to kissing! You'll have to kiss a lot to really improve your skills.^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Building From Your Experience

1
Stay positive and support each other. In a safe setting, use words of affirmation, like, "That was so great, you're making me feel so wonderful when you...", "I really liked it when you...", or, "Please let me taste your tongue", "Did you like that as much as I did?"
2
Remember that communication in a relationship is the most important thing. Talk about everything from the emotions that the two of you are feeling to the small things that you may think don’t matter. For example, if you are more comfortable kissing with music then let him know.
3
Experiment with him. Once you've talked about french kissing enough, don't be afraid to ask him what feels good and expect the same.
4
Enjoy your kissing! Keep on practicing and have fun. If you do something wrong or somewhat embarrassing laugh it off and continue, and soon kissing will be fun.

Warnings

You should never pressure others or feel pressured to continue unwanted intimate / sexual activity.

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Helpful 46 Not Helpful 6
If you rush your boyfriend, he may not want to be with you or french kiss with you.

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Helpful 40 Not Helpful 5
Don't just shove your tongue into his mouth.

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