How to Get Out of Your Own Way

Co-authored by Sydney Axelrod and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: July 8, 2020 References

Realizing you’re an obstacle to your own success can be frustrating. However, standing in your own way is a common problem you can overcome. You can get out of your own way by letting go of negative thinking so you can create a positive mindset. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to live in the present moment rather than in the future or past. Then, you can work to overcome your bad habits and pursue your goals!

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Letting Go of Negative Thinking

1
Confront your inner dialogue that holds you back. The messages you tell yourself determine your perception of yourself, as well as your ability to accomplish your goals. If your inner dialogue is negative, you may become the greatest obstacle to your own success. Look for the following types of statements:^{[1]
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- “I’m not good enough.”
- “Everyone knows I don’t belong here.”
- “I’ll probably just fail again.”
- “Everyone else is ahead of me/doing better than I am.”
- “I waited too long/wasted too much time.”
2
Counter negative inner dialogue with positive self-talk. Notice when your inner voice feeds you negative messages. When this happens, replace that thought with a positive message. Over time, the negative messages should diminish.^{[2]
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- As an example, you might notice this negative thought: “I’ll never be able to finish a race that long.” You could replace that with, “Everyone starts somewhere. If I work hard, train smart, and stick to it, I can accomplish my goal.”
- Remember, everyone experiences self-doubt sometimes—it's not likely to ever go away completely. However, you can learn to recognize those thoughts as they arise, and with practice, you can learn not to listen to them.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
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3
Determine the source of your fears about failure or success. It’s normal to have fears, but they can hold you back if they’re left unchecked. You need to figure out what you’re afraid of so you can confront it. Question the reasons behind your fears, then face them head on to challenge their truth. Ask yourself questions like these:^{[4]
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- What am I afraid will happen?
- What in my past has made me afraid to put myself out there?
- Why do I think I will fail?
- What will happen if I fail?
- How can I overcome my fear?
4
Acknowledge your feelings without letting them control you. Trying to suppress your feelings won’t make them go away. Instead, they’ll just bubble beneath the surface waiting to explode. Let your emotions come and acknowledge how you feel. Then, release them.^{[5]
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- For example, you may notice you feel sad about losing a competition. Say to yourself, “I’m sad right now because I really wanted to win.” Allow this feeling to pass.
5
Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t let someone else’s life become your measuring stick for yours. You’ll always come up short because you only see the highlights in their life, not the daily struggles. No one’s journey is the same as yours, so you can only compare yourself to you.^{[6]
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- Use the past version of you as your measuring stick. As long as you’re improving upon yesterday, you’re on the right track!
- For example, don't compare your life to what you see posted on social media. People usually post only their best moments and may even misrepresent how well they're doing. It's not a fair comparison!

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Creating a Positive Mindset

1
Acknowledge your accomplishments. Celebrating your talents, efforts, and achievements helps build your confidence. This helps you realize your full capabilities. Here are some ways you can note your accomplishments:^{[7]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Write down all of your achievements, both small and large.
- Accept compliments from others. Say, “Thank you,” not “It was nothing.”
- Share your achievements with others.
- Display awards you receive and accolades you earn.
2
Practice self care. Taking good care of yourself supports your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. Proper self care helps you operate at your best and maintain a healthy mindset. These are some examples of self care:^{[8]
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- Get enough sleep each night.
- Soak in a hot bath.
- Enjoy your favorite hobbies.
- Create something, such as a painting or craft.
- Go for a nature walk.
- Spend time with your pet.
- Journal.
- Engage in a spiritual practice.
- Make a gratitude list.
- Watch a funny movie.
- Talk to a friend.
3
Give yourself the tools you need. Make sure you have all of the things you need to work toward your goal. Place them within easy use so you can get to work immediately. This will make it easier for you to get to work and avoid procrastination.^{[9]
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- You can store your tools within reach by placing them in a stylish container or choosing items that blend into your decor. For example, a writer might keep a cute notebook and a patterned pen cup on their side table.
- As another alternative, you might get a storage cube for your home. You could get cute fabric drawers for your cube to hold your supplies, such as workout gear, craft supplies, art supplies, or filmmaking gear.
4
Do what’s right for you, not everyone else. Trying to please others is not only impossible, it’s also detrimental to your own goals. You can’t make everyone happy, but you do hold your own happiness in your hands. Make decisions that work for you without apologizing for meeting your own needs.^{[10]
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- This doesn’t mean to be unkind or selfish to others. Just don’t make decisions because you think it’s what will make everyone else happy at the expense of your needs.
5
Surround yourself with positive people. You’ve likely heard the old saying, “Misery loves company.” This reminds you that negative people will drag you down. On the other hand, positive people will lift you up!^{[11]
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- Spend more time with people who are supportive of you, while minimizing the time you spend with negative people.
- If you want to meet new friends who share your goals, join groups on sites like Meetup and Facebook to meet new people. Going out and interacting with people will also help you meet new friends!
6
Build your own community by helping others. Share what you have to offer with others. For example, you might offer your knowledge, experience, or abundance with others. Not only will this help you be more positive, but it’ll help you build valuable relationships.^{[12]
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- You can volunteer with an organization or just help people you know. Any assistance you provide has value.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Practicing Mindfulness by Being in the Present

1
Avoid ruminating on your thoughts by taking action. Getting stuck in your own head is one of the worst ways you can get in your own way. You need to break free from your cycling thoughts. Taking any action can help you do that! Here are some examples of ways to take action:^{[13]
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- Go for a walk.
- Take a small step toward your goal.
- Meet a friend for coffee.
- Clean up your workspace.
- Purchase items you need to accomplish your goal.
2
Connect with the present moment by engaging your 5 senses. Being in the present helps you avoid getting caught up in “what ifs” and overthinking. You can ground yourself in the present by focusing on each of your five senses. Here’s how:^{[14]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Describe the setting around you.
- Listen to the sounds you can hear.
- Smell the air, trying to pick up scents.
- Notice how your feet feel against the ground or how your bum feels on the seat. Touch the different textures around you.
- Taste the air or enjoy a flavorful treat.
3
Meditate daily for at least 10 minutes. When you meditate, your mind becomes more resistant to overthinking. That’s because meditation teaches you to release your thoughts instead of holding onto them. By spending time each day in meditation, you can help yourself overcome thinking that holds you back.^{[15]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Do a simple meditation by sitting in a quiet room with your eyes closed. Simply notice your breath and release your thoughts.
- Guided meditations can help you get more out of your practice. You can find them online or on an app.
- There are several free apps for meditation, including Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace.
4
Live in the moment, not your future or past. Getting caught up in future worries or past mistakes will make it hard for you to move forward. This turns you into your own obstacle! Instead, let your mindfulness exercises help you stay in the present. Your life is happening now, so don’t miss it.^{[16]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Living in the present doesn’t mean you can’t plan for your future. However, don’t let your concerns about the future stop you from living today.
- If you struggle to let go of a painful past, work with a therapist to learn to let go.

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Breaking Bad Habits

1
Let go of perfectionism. Trying to attain perfection is harmful and unproductive No one is perfect. Everyone fails, and your failures can be your best teachers. In addition, feeling like you have to be perfect can make it hard to even start trying to achieve your goals.^{[17]
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Expert Source

Sydney Axelrod
Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
- Do your best and let that be enough. If you tried your hardest, you’ve accomplished something. Be proud of yourself!
- Celebrate your effort rather than the outcome. For example, be proud that you trained for a race, even if you came in last.
- If you make a mistake, take a good look at what happened to see if you can learn from it.^{[18]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
2
Avoid procrastination by taking small daily steps toward your goals. Procrastination is a common struggle and can prevent you from reaching your goals. The longer you put something off, the harder it seems. You don’t have to do everything at once, so get started with baby steps.^{[19]
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- Set a goal to work for 15-20 minutes at a time. Use the timer on your phone to keep yourself accountable.
- Focus on the steps you need to take, not the final product.
- Ask for help when you need it.
3
Make time for your goals by saying “no” to unimportant activities. Putting too much on your plate makes it hard to find time to do the things you want. Keeping yourself busy does not make you a more important person. Give yourself permission to say “no” when you need to.^{[20]
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- For example, don’t take on tasks that others can do for themselves. Similarly, don’t take on responsibilities that aren’t yours.
- Don’t agree to go to events if you don’t want to go. Your time is valuable, so spend it doing something you like.
4
Speak up when you have a problem with something. You need to be able to advocate for your own needs. No one can read your mind, so the only way they’ll know how you feel is if you tell them. You have a right to share your opinions, so speak up!^{[21]
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- Use a calm, professional tone to explain how you feel.
- You might say, “I feel like I’m doing the bulk of the work on our project. Can we review the workload again?”

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Working Toward Your Goals

1
Make sure your motivation is internal. You’re more likely to be successful if you’re pursuing a goal that is your own rather than one you feel forced on you. Consider your purpose and motivation for accomplishing this goal.^{[22]
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- Pursue goals that matter to you, not others.
- Think about the reason a goal is important to you. That can help you narrow down exactly what you should be working towards, and it can also help you stay motivated.^{[23]
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  Expert Source
  
  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
- In some cases you might be working toward a goal that isn’t a top priority for you but is still important. For example, your goal might be to excel in a course you find boring and purposeless. When this happens, refocus your efforts by considering how this goal will help you reach your overall goal, such as getting into your desired college.
2
Break your goal down into small steps. Looking at your goal as a whole can be overwhelming. Instead, create a checklist of the small tasks you need to do to reach your goal. It doesn’t have to be a perfect plan, as you can adjust it along the way.^{[24]
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- If your goal is very large, you might create smaller sub-steps for each action you need to take.
- Be flexible. It’s normal for your plans to change. However, making progress towards smaller goals can help you stay motivated.^{[25]
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  Expert Source
  
  Sydney Axelrod
  Certified Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.}
3
Adjust your plans as necessary. As you accomplish each step, take a moment to assess your progress. Based on your experience and current outcomes, make changes to your plan, if necessary.^{[26]
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- If you’re struggling to accomplish a step, consider if you’ve set expectations that are too high. You might be attempting too much at once.
4
Keep the promises you make to yourself. Reaching your goals will take good self-discipline, so hold yourself accountable. Letting yourself down can make you feel bad about yourself, but staying true to your word will help you feel confident.^{[27]
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- You may have days when you can’t keep all of your promises to yourself. As long as you do your best, give yourself credit for trying. Consider why you couldn’t meet your goals that day, then adjust as necessary moving forward.
5
Take regular breaks. Don’t expect yourself to work constantly, as no one can keep up with this pace. Give yourself permission to rest, relax, and blow off steam. In the long run, you’ll be more productive!^{[28]
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- Dedicate one weeknight each week to relaxation.
- Spend one weekend day engaging in fun or relaxing activities.
- Take a few vacation days each year.
- Enjoy your holidays with your favorite traditions.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I deal with self-doubt?

Sydney Axelrod
Certified Life Coach
Sydney Axelrod is a certified life coach and the owner of Sydney Axelrod LLC, a life coaching business focused on professional and personal development. Through one-on-one coaching, digital courses, and group workshops, Sydney works with clients to discover their purpose, navigate life transitions, and set and accomplish goals. Sydney has over 1,000 hours of relevant coaching certifications and holds a BBA in Marketing and Finance from Emory University.

Sydney Axelrod

Certified Life Coach

Expert Answer

Start by being aware when you have feelings of self-doubt. Understand that you're probably always going to have those thoughts, and that's okay. It's not about getting rid of them, but learning to listen to a different voice, instead.