How to Get Him to Commit to Dating Exclusively

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: April 15, 2022 References

So you have a man in your life, you really like him, and you're ready to become exclusive—but when will he finally say he feels the same way? Maybe you're searching for that perfect thing you can say or do to move you two into the next stage in your relationship. Don't stress, because we've got you covered! Follow these super easy tips below, and you and your guy will be exclusive in no time.

1

Let go of an expected timeline.

Relationships move at their own pace. Expect exclusivity after a specific number of dates, and you may miss out on something great. A timeline could end up causing you stress along the way, and you should get to have fun while you're dating. So, throw out your expectations. Enjoy getting to know him and showing him how amazing you are, too!^{[1]
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2

Resist the urge to pressure him into exclusivity.

He needs to make the decision on his own. Because your heart is involved, you may feel tempted to influence his feelings. That's totally understandable. The truth is though, this won't work—and it may even push him away. You're awesome, so give him the space to realize that on his own.^{[2]
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- You deserve to be with someone who's sure they want to be with you. Instead of pressuring him, channel your energy into something positive.
- If you feel an urge to pressure him, redirect your attention. Pick up a creative project of yours, get some work done, or phone a friend.
- And remember, when you avoid pressuring him, it serves your own happiness.
- Put yourself in a position where any relationship that forms will be with someone who’s thrilled to be exclusive with you.

3

Exercise patience while you build a connection with him.

He may need time before he comes to a decision on exclusivity. Waiting may feel like torture. But be patient, and your relationship will start from a foundation of respect. If you feel frustrated, take deep breaths and pick up an activity you love. Along the way, take action to ensure you stay positive (because you deserve to feel good!).^{[3]
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- If you’re feeling disheartened, get support from friends. Offer to buy your pal a cup of coffee and ask them to let you talk things out.
- If you experience self-doubt, add positive affirmations into your routine. Look in the mirror and recite empowering words: “I am worthy of love.”
- Meet your negative thoughts with perspective: “Exclusivity is a big commitment. It makes sense that he's taking his time, and it’s good that I’m respecting his needs.”

4

Create a supportive, positive relationship dynamic.

Like everyone, he’s looking for a relationship that adds to his happiness. So, show him you’re his cheerleader, empathetic ear, and all-around biggest fan. This will make him way more interested in exclusivity. Improve your relationship dynamic by being a super supportive potential partner.^{[4]
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- Show up at important events. When he asks you to come to his open mic, award ceremony, or birthday party, make sure you’re there to cheer him on.
- Offer your help when he’s struggling with a personal issue. Did he leave a work document at his place? Offer to drop it off for him.
- Listen when he’s struggling with an emotional issue. Give him a shoulder to cry on, show empathy for his feelings, and offer him advice.

5

Build intimacy with him.

Your connection, not a timeline, should determine your relationship. Now that you’ve tossed your expectations, focus on building closeness with him. Learn more about him, keep building your rapport, and spend time together. Not only will this help progress you two towards exclusivity, but it’ll strengthen your relationship.^{[5]
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- Discover more about him. Ask heartfelt questions: "What was your childhood like? What do you remember most from when you were a kid?"
- Show him you’re an active listener, and he’ll be more likely to be vulnerable with you. While he speaks, ask clarifying questions and validate his feelings.
- Spend time enjoying activities that you two love. If you’re a writer, ask him to read your work. If he swims, ask him to teach you to swim freestyle.

6

Work on your self-confidence and goals.

If you feel confident and fulfilled, you'll be a better partner. At the end of the day, you can’t control his desires or his feelings. Instead, control what you can bring to the table. Invest time in yourself. People who value themselves are attractive partners. Plus, no matter what happens, you'll walk away feeling amazing.^{[6]
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- Spend time on the activities that you're passionate about. Work in your garden or polish off your piano skills.
- Invest hours into activities that contribute to a healthy mindset and perspective. Volunteer, try meditation, or start a daily gratitude journal.
- Strengthen your confidence. Spend time with people who make you feel amazing, wear clothes you love, and chase down your work goals.

7

Date around when you’re not exclusive yet.

Before he's committed to you, there's no pressure to commit to him. Your priority should be your own happiness and satisfaction. So if he’s still dating around, then feel free to discover what’s out there for yourself, too.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Enjoy your freedom and have some fun (if that’s what you want!).^{[8]
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- Do what feels right to you. If you only like dating one person at once, more power to you.
- But if you do want to date, keep playing the field. Dating is about discovery. Before you're exclusive, feel free to keep on exploring what's out there!
- Do make sure you're dating for yourself, not to make him jealous. Dating to prove your worth to someone else can be tempting.
- Ultimately though, you'll more likely to find happiness in your love life if you're going after what you really want. And you definitely deserve that!

8

See how he’s feeling about your relationship.

If you feel that you need answers, it’s best to be direct with him. Even after staying patient and avoiding pressuring him, you might start to feel the uncertainty weigh on you—which is totally understandable.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} If that’s the case, seek out an answer, even if it feels scary. Use a tone that's straightforward but gentle.^{[10]
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- Ask him a casual question about your relationship's trajectory: “Hey, I just wanted to check in. How do you feel like things are going between us?”
- You can even say directly that you’re not looking to apply pressure: “I don’t mean to stress you out. I just wanted to ask where you see things going.”
- Remind him that you won't judge him for his feelings: "Whatever you're feeling is okay. I just thought it was time to have an honest conversation."
- At the very least, sharing your fears can lead to a good discussion. In some cases, the conversation could give the other person an opportunity to reassure you.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}

9

Share your own feelings and desires with him.

When you’re honest, you're more likely to get what you want. If you're comfortable, express your desires for your relationship. Speak from the heart, avoid blame and pressure, and go into the conversation knowing what you want ahead of time.^{[12]
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- Let him know that you’re sure about your desires: “Okay, thanks for telling me how you feel. I’ve thought a lot about this, and I know what I want.”
- Explain your hopes for the relationship: “I really like you. I’d love to feel like we’re moving forward together. I want to be exclusive.”
- If your relationship needs to change for you to feel satisfied, let him know: "I don't need this right away, but eventually, I will need exclusivity."
- It's best to have this type of conversation when you've been dating to a point of exclusivity, like 1 month, 6 weeks, 3 months, and so on.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}

10

Ask him if he's interested in exclusivity down the line.

If he's still making up his mind, stick with the relationship. He may still be in the discovery process. Gently ask him whether or not an exclusive relationship with you is something he might want down the line. If it is and you feel comfortable, stay with him while he takes more time to think.^{[14]
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- Ask him if he imagines you two going exclusive: "Do you think you'll want exclusivity eventually? Are you just taking time to think?"
- Let him know that he can be honest with you: “Thanks for your honesty. I need to understand your reasoning.”
- If he still needs time and you feel comfortable waiting, let him know that you're happy to be patient.
- Make a plan to discuss your relationship again at a date that you both feel comfortable with.

11

Move on if he doesn't want to be exclusive.

If he doesn't want a committed relationship, you may be happier walking away. If he's not interested in making things exclusive with you, and you're not comfortable staying in a casual relationship indefinitely, then let him know that you need to move on. You absolutely deserve to be with someone who can give you what you need.^{[15]
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- You might say, "Thanks for being honest. It sounds like to get what I want, I may need to move on."

12

Go after what you deserve in a relationship.

Sometimes, you fall for someone who can’t give you what you want. But that doesn't mean you should stop looking. Going exclusive with someone you care about is a totally thrilling experience, and you won’t get that chance if you never take the initial risk. Choose yourself. Stay open to new, exciting possibilities in romance.^{[16]
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- Get support from friends and family. Treat yourself to ice cream, a massage, or a day at the movies.
- You had the strength to walk away from something that ultimately wouldn't serve your happiness. That's amazing!