How to Find a Husband

Last Updated: February 22, 2023 References

As many single women know, finding a husband can be a difficult task. You can, however, improve your chances of achieving marital bliss by searching for the right kind of guy in the right manner and in the right places.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Part One: Knowing Where to Look

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Look in the right places. Instead of intentionally searching out places where single men gather, do things that interest you in places you enjoy spending time. It'll be easier to find high-caliber guys who share your interests if you actually remain true to those interests.^{[1]
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- Be smart about which hobbies might lead to romance, of course. Traditionally feminine hobbies are less likely to attract guys. For instance, you probably won't meet many guys by joining a crocheting/knitting circle, but you could meet more by joining a hiking club.
- Understand that the place you meet the guy will usually reflect on his character, too. Most men you meet at bars and clubs aren't looking for serious relationships and won't necessarily be “marriage material.”
- Remember that it's okay that both genders have different likes and dislikes. For example, you could like hiking but maybe your potential future husband may not. And that doesn't mean that you can't be husband and wife, because two people can have two completely different interests. However, you should at least consider some avenues that are outside of your comfort zone, because there might be avenues where the men that you would like to find may not actually enjoy that activity.
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Consider online dating. If you haven't had any success meeting men in the real world, turn to the digital world. Online dating has a bad reputation within some social circles, but when used wisely, it can be a very helpful tool in today's dating scene.^{[2]
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- Gravitate toward dating websites with a high success rate for marriage. Usually, these are the websites that require you to pay a fee and fill out personality questionnaires. If marriage is your end goal, you should avoid most free online dating websites and those that specialize in casual relationships.
- Exercise caution when meeting potential matches in person. Always meet in public places. Let others know where you'll be and who you'll be with.
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Ask around. Let your family and friends know that you're ready to pursue a serious relationship, and ask them if they know of any single guys who might be interested.^{[3]
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- While the idea of being set up on a blind date may seem unappealing, your odds of success may improve if you ask the right people to make a match. Rely on trustworthy loved ones who have a solid understanding of your personality instead of asking casual acquaintances for the favor.
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Spend time alone. Embarking on this quest with your friends might make you feel less nervous, but it may also decrease your odds of success. Men are more likely to approach a woman when she's alone, so you should occasionally spend time out by yourself.^{[4]
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- If you happen to meet a potential match while you're out with your friends, either break away from the group long enough to give him the opportunity to approach you or choose to approach him yourself.
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Keep your eyes open. You might cross paths with the right guy on a daily basis without even realizing it. Open your mind to the possibilities that may exist in your everyday life, whether you're at work, running errands, or enjoying your free time.
- Tread with caution, though. A romance gone wrong can make relationships with coworkers and friends unbearably awkward, so it's best to get to know these guys platonically before attempting anything romantic.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Part Two: Narrowing Your Options

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Consider the possibilities. As long as you're not in an actual relationship with anyone, you have the freedom to date different guys. If there are multiple guys with an interest in you, get to know each one before committing exclusively to one man.
- Be honest with the guys you're seeing. If a particular guy wants to pursue an exclusive relationship with you but you aren't sure about him yet, don't pretend to agree to his wishes while seeing other guys behind his back.
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Be selective without being picky. You need to set standards if you want to weed out the wrong guys, but you also need to know the difference between reasonable expectations and unreasonable demands.^{[5]
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- Healthy standards are typically based on values and strong personality traits, but unhealthy standards are usually based on unrealistic ideals. You obviously can't expect a guy to be perfect, but you can and should expect him to demonstrate essential personality traits like respect and sincerity.
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Expect mutual attraction. While there's such a thing as being too shallow regarding looks, physical attraction is still an important component of this whole equation. If you aren't attracted to a guy, you probably won't want to establish any sort of physical intimacy with him, thereby creating an obstacle for your long-term happiness.
- Similarly, the guy also has to feel attracted to you. The physical component of your relationship will only be successful if the attraction between you remains mutual.
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Found potential relationships on friendship. Instead of seeking romance from the guys who approach you, get to know them as platonic friends first. Friendship is a stronger foundation to build a lasting relationship on than attraction.
- Even if the two of you are both interested in the possibility of romance, you can express that interest without acting on it immediately.
- After you start dating a guy, you should continue building your friendship while simultaneously building the romantic aspect of your relationship.
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Invest in the right guy. Once you've found the right guy, it's time to let him know your feelings and your intentions. Let him know that you want an exclusive, long-term relationship that's open to the possibility of marriage.
- If the guy doesn't want to marry or doesn't share your desire for exclusivity, it's probably best to let him go and move on. Knowing where he stands now will save you time and heartbreak in the future.
- Once you invest in one guy, you also need to cut ties with any other guys you've been dating casually.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Part Three: Spotting Marriage Material

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Evaluate instead of testing. When determining whether or not a man is marriage material, you should evaluate him honestly instead of putting him through tests. Observing him as you both go through your everyday lives will provide you with a more accurate picture.
- Moreover, intentionally “testing” his feelings for you or setting traps could establish a poor, dishonest foundation for your relationship. These actions may convince him that you aren't marriage material, even if he is.
- Remember to go slow. Depending on your age, you might feel a biological pressure to hurry up and get married as a way to have kids, but that might nudge you in the wrong direction.
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Observe the way he treats others. During the early stages of your relationship, a guy may treat you exceptionally well in an effort to impress you. As nice as it may feel, special treatment won't last forever and won't allow you to gauge how well this man values other people. To evaluate that much, pay attention to how he interacts with others.
- Early indicators will most likely come from strangers and acquaintances. For example, if he's rude to your waiter at the restaurant or easily driven into a rage by a clumsy cashier, he might have a low level of respect for people in general.
- The most significant indicators will come from the way he treats family and friends. The way he treats his long-term loved ones will probably be similar to the way he will treat you if he becomes your husband.
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Watch him in stressful situations. Married life will inevitably include conflict and stress, so it's important to evaluate his ability to handle these more unpleasant aspects of life.
- Everyday life is full of stress, so if you spend enough time with him, it shouldn't take long before you encounter a stressful situation. Common examples include traffic jams, slow-moving lines, incorrect meal orders, and hectic days at work.
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Consider his stability. Even if you plan to continue with your career after getting married, you should look for a guy who is financially responsible. You may not need him to support you, but you should still avoid guys who will throw your life into chaos.
- Pay close attention to his employment history and his ability to handle money. Gravitate toward guys who can hold a steady job, and if a man is currently unemployed, try to find out why. Make sure that the guy in question doesn't have a habit of getting himself into debt or spending money unwisely.
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Look for similarities. The two of you don't need to be exact duplicates of one another, but it will be much easier to maintain a marriage if you can at least agree on the essential matters of life.
- Essential matters include your basic value system and your plans for the future. The two of you should see eye-to-eye about the things that matter most and the direction your lives should head.
- While not strictly essential, it's also helpful if you share some interests with one another since it'll be easier for you to spend time together and continue nurturing your relationship.
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Seek a second opinion. Ask trustworthy friends and relatives for their opinion of the man you're seeing. It's easy to become blinded to someone's faults when you're currently infatuated with him, and an outside opinion could confirm or correct your perception.
- Ask your loved ones for their opinion on your relationship overall, too. Even if they have a positive opinion of the guy you're seeing, they might notice problems in your current relationship. Iron out those problems early on instead of letting them worsen.
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Never settle. Ask yourself if this man is someone you actually want to marry and answer honestly. Even if a guy wants to marry you, you shouldn't rush into a marriage unless you also feel the same way.
- If you aren't sure of your own feelings, evaluate them. Try to pinpoint your reasons for hesitation and determine if those reasons reflect your opinion of the guy or your own insecurities, then deal with each matter appropriately.

Part 4

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Part Four: Maintaining Self-Stability

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Be true to yourself. It may seem trite, but there's practical wisdom in this saying. If you approach a guy while putting up some false façade, you'll feel pressured to maintain that façade throughout your entire relationship. Since you're aiming for marriage, you'd have to hide your real self for the rest of your life to make things last.
- You'll need to create a positive first impression when searching for potential matches, of course. Start things off by demonstrating your best qualities rather than pretending to have qualities you don't actually have.
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Know your own value. Have some self-confidence. Every person has his or her own faults, but no one is entirely without merit, either. Valuing yourself is the easiest and surest way to encourage others to do the same.
- Body image is one aspect of self-esteem that many women struggle with. Instead of lamenting the physical features that seem less-than-perfect, try focusing on features that you do feel pleased about. By drawing attention to those features, you may feel more confident about your overall appearance, and that renewed sense of confidence may catch the attention of possible matches.
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Improve yourself for yourself.^{[6]
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Research source} Everyone has shortcomings, and being aware of your own problems can be a good thing. Instead of changing yourself in the hopes of making the right guy fall for you, though, you should implement changes for the purpose of improving your own life.
- By making changes for yourself, you'll become happier independently of any relationship. You'll be more satisfied with yourself and your life at any given time regardless of whether you're single or married.
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Pray for guidance. If you believe in God or some type of higher power, spend time praying about your desire to marry. Ask for guidance on your search and during your relationship with a possible future husband.
- Of course, you don't have to follow this piece of advice if you don't believe in any type of higher power. Individuals who try to build their lives on a foundation of faith should strive to build their future marriages on the same foundation, though.

Community Q&A

Question

Why are men so hard to find?

Community Answer

You may not be attracting the right type of man. You may want to think about therapy to deal with any unresolved issues surrounding the father figures in your life. You should also take a look at how you're presenting yourself. Does your style say you're wife material? Do you look put together when you go out to run errands? When you are happy with yourself and look like you take care of yourself, you'll attract a better class of man.