This article is based on an expert interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, conducted by wikiHow Staff Editors. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
This article has been viewed 17,297 times.
Conflict is a natural part of every relationship, even the strongest ones. To maintain healthy relationships with others, it’s important to know how to manage these moments of tension. In this video, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Kelli Miller explains three common mistakes to avoid that make going into conflicts, and coming out of them, a little easier.
Key Takeaways
- Pick a time when both you and the other person are calm before you talk so you’re less likely to argue.
- Always assume that the other person is coming from a positive, or at least neutral, place—people are rarely trying to purposely hurt other people.
- Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship.
Video Transcript
I think the first thing is timing. It's very important that you pick a time when both people are ready to talk. It's very easy when you're in that moment to be reactive and feel like, “I have to say it now.” But timing is going to make a world of difference because both people are going to be more receptive at the right time. The second piece is that conflict is normal. I think there's this idea that if we're getting in fights with people that something's wrong, and it's not, we're all wired differently, so we have to remember that this is part of a healthy relationship. And a good rule of thumb is to always assume a neutral or positive intent from somebody. Right? You want to believe that your friend is a good person, that we're all good people and we're just trying to do our best. It's rare that someone is actually purposely trying to hurt us. And if we can remember that we can go into conflicts a little bit easier.
